We all have our own unique personalities; our own likes, dislikes and general preferences.  Unfortunately many of us end up compromising these preferences for what we believe is a necessary evil.  Yet all too often we find someone else doing what we wanted to do, but didn’t for fear of a failing result.  Our success was stolen by our own twisted idea that our uniqueness was a liability, not an asset.

I don’t know about you, but I’m often afraid of truly speaking my mind for fear of things like disagreement, tainting of my reputation and that awful thing we call r-e-j-e-c-t-i-o-n!  I mean, what if I’m misunderstood?  Or what if I say something that turns out to be inaccurate or maybe just comes across as silly?

The problem with these fears is that the alternative is much worse.  Let’s say we are successful, but fake?  Or even worse, unsuccessful AND fake?  Either way we will be miserable.  If we are not being ourselves then who cares if we are accepted?  It’s high school all over again, right?!  You know what I mean, when we tried to be liked by certain people by talking a certain way, walking a certain way and acting a certain way.  Then we look back on those days and think how silly we were and how meaningless it all was with our own uniqueness pushed down by our fears.  This has to stop or we will never know what we’re truly capable of!

The Hard Part Is Taking The First Step

I could go on and on about the importance of being ourselves or the detriment of not, but let’s assume we agree at this point.  OK, so now what?  Well, it’s really quite simple.  We need only to listen to our own hearts and minds.  That’s pretty much it.

I’m not suggesting we disregard the wisdom around us or go against someone else’s better judgment, but when the only thing standing between being ourselves and being fake is fear of the “what if” we must always push ahead!  The more we do this the easier it will be and the easier it gets the better we’ll be at being ourselves.

What Does It Mean To Be Yourself

When I think of ‘being yourself’ I picture someone who acts on their intuition, not the latest census.  I see an individual who goes against the grain for no other reason but to appease their unique idea of how it should be done.  I envision a peace of mind that only comes from the knowledge that if they’re going to be rejected or even ignored it will be THEY who are taking the hit, not their pseudo self.

I see so much that I want to be and success that is waiting to be grasped, yet my fears keep me from taking that first step.  I’ve made great strides over the years, but still have a ways to go.  As I continue to break out of my shell and see the benefits of being myself I thought I’d share this struggle with you in hopes that if you’re stuck as a pseudo you, that you’d be inspired to push past this guaranteed mediocrity.

Eric Hamm

A comfort zone is a dividing line that sits between ourselves and absolute freedom.

This is not to say that all comfort zones are bad.  They certainly have a way of keeping us out of trouble or from getting hurt.  Walking on the edge of the roof of a 10 story building might be out of our comfort zones, but this is for a reason.  (I just needed to clarify this for anyone just waiting to pick apart my definition. )

But for the most part, our comfort zones are just barriers that keep us from total freedom in our daily pursuits.  Maybe we let our fears of social interaction keep us from talking to a perspective client or our ‘discomfort’ of exercise keep us from getting into shape and feeling great.  It is with this in mind that I want to leave you with a few final thoughts on the subject, before we move on to next months theme and forget all about this.

-Know that anything is possible

It is amazing what the human mind is capable of.  No amount of fear can stop it from taking action; only you can.  So pinpoint those areas in your life that are holding you back and know that they too can be conquered.  It’s only a matter of making the conscious decision to take action and then following that action with a little bit of ‘insanity’ (or at least it will feel insane to your ‘safer side’).  When everything inside you is screaming, “run away!”, you just need to do the exact opposite and show yourself what you are capable of.  The more you do this, the weaker that voice will become and the more confidence you will build in yourself.

-Don’t get discouraged

Don’t worry if you feel like you are still at the mercy of your comfort zones.  It takes time to break through these barriers.  Bringing in negative feelings only makes things harder.  Just keep moving forward and stay positive.  If what you are doing isn’t working, change things up and give it another shot.  This isn’t a competition.

“We fail to see that we control our own destiny; make ourselves do whatever is possible; make ourselves become whatever we long to be.” ~ Orison Swett Marden

This will finish out the first M2A! theme on “Motivate Thyself”.  Next week the theme will be ‘Exercise’.  Fun, Fun, Fun!!!

This week my wife and I have been catching up on a few shows that we like on Fox.  One of them is called Kitchen Nightmares with World renowned chef Gordon Ramsey.  The premise of the show is to take poorly run restaurants and watch Ramsey swoop in and save the day.  But he doesn’t do this with kid gloves, but instead he hits things head on.  He’s more like a drill sergeant than a chef.

The last episode I watched there was a chef of a restaurant called ‘The Handlebar’.  She was very open about the fact that she wasn’t a ‘real chef’ and you could see her insecurity.  As the show went on and Ramsey stirred up new business for this lack luster restaurant, they had their busiest night ever.  During this time you get to watch as the chef scurries around in the kitchen, muttering to herself words of frustration and yet not communicating with the other chefs or the wait staff.  She ends up getting far behind, over and under cooking many dishes and making a disaster of things.  Later in the show Ramsey teachers her the value of communication and the willingness to share the load in the kitchen.

As I watched her on that horrible night, I thought about myself in my technology consulting business.  Sometimes I feel like her as I get pulled in 5 directions at once and struggle to stay focused on the tasks at hand.  I’ve realized over the years that it is my ‘Comfort Zone’ that often times keeps me from taking control of my life, my business and the pursuit of my goals.  It feels uncomfortable for me to tell people ‘NO’.  I know that I need to lay clear guidelines and yet will find myself being wishy-washy instead.

Like that chef, I end up taking it out on myself in frustration.  Instead of digging my feet in and doing exactly what I feel is the best thing to do in any particular situation, I will opt for the push over mentality instead.

So this is the picture of what I would call a ‘Poisonous Comfort Zone’.  It’s a barrier in my life that not only holds me back, but infects the rest of my life with frustration.  I’m being re-active instead of pro-active. So my goals have been to lay down my own guidelines in my business and stop letting others dictate things for me.  I have been focusing on stepping out of the comfort I get by going with the flow and clearly defining my actions and intentions in my business.

It’s been a bumpy road, but I have made much progress.  Changes like these don’t come easy, but their worth the effort.

This week we focus on progress.  I want you to think about what progress you’ve made in your struggle with comfort zones and what things you can do to go even further to define new boundaries.  Let us know how far you’ve come as well as where you’d like to be.  I know that for me, I want to get to a place where I don’t have to think twice about clearly defining my path no matter who I’m dealing with and what the situation.

So what is the image you have when you try to imagine your life with no boundaries?  What is holding you back and what are you going to do about it?

First, I wanted to start with some relevant, thought provoking quotes about comfort zones.

“To the degree we’re not living our dreams, our comfort zone has more control of us than we have over ourselves.” Peter McWilliams

“A dream is your creative vision for your life in the future. You must break out of your current comfort zone and become comfortable with the unfamiliar and the unknown.” Denis Waitley

“In bullfighting there is a term called querencia. The querencia is the spot in the ring to which the bull returns. Each bull has a different querencia, but as the bullfight continues, and the animal becomes more threatened, it returns more and more often to his spot.

As he returns to his querencia, he becomes more predictable. And so, in the end, the matador is able to kill the bull because instead of trying something new, the bull returns to what is familiar. His comfort zone.” Carly Fiorina

“Move out of your comfort zone. You can only grow if you are willing to feel awkward and uncomfortable when you try something new.” Brian Tracy

“If you put yourself in a position where you have to stretch outside your comfort zone, then you are forced to expand your consciousness.” Les Brown

From the comments I’ve seen thus far, regarding this topic, it seems that things like procrastination, creature comforts and social interaction/engagement are some common themes.  As I stated in a comment from week1, I have always had a hard time with social interaction.  For some reason I just don’t do well with things like small talk and just hanging out without a purpose.  (I think this is why I do better in business situations; there’s a purpose/structure to the engagement.)  As you can see, I’m a blast at parties!

As we mature in life we become involved in different situations that naturally take us out of our comfort zones.  My consulting business, for example, has forced me to directly engage complete strangers.  Not only this, but I have to do it with confidence and sometimes assertiveness.  I am an introvert and therefore this does not come naturally.  Over time, through repeatedly uncomfortable situations, my comfort zones have broadened.  Knocking on the door of a complete stranger is no longer scary to me.

Recently, I decided to experiment a little.  I had been using yellow page advertising to promote my business for the past couple of years.  They’ve done pretty well for me, but I was interested to find out the effects of my other options.  One such option was to print out some brochures and go door to door.  So, on a whim, I did just that.

I picked a couple of neighborhoods and just started knocking on doors.  About an hour later I had left 50 brochures and actually talked to about 35 people.  I introduced myself, handed them the information and answered any questions that they might have had.  If someone seemed impatient I just said ‘thank you’ and went on my way.

The result of this venture was a couple of new clients and this more than payed for the time invested.  But what I thought was most interesting was something my wife had said.  She pointed out the fact that something so terrifying to me just a few years ago, was now no big deal.  I realized, at that moment, how much my business has broadened my comfort zones.

So then I started looking at how this could apply to other areas of my life.  I realized that my struggles with social engagement could be helped in a similar way.  By forcing myself to become more involved in social situations, I will, over time, broaden my comfort zones in these areas.

That’s it.  It’s not rocket science.  If your comfort zones are too narrow, continuously do what makes you feel uncomfortable and you will be more comfortable doing such things.  It’s like a muscle.  The more you do something, the more capable you will be at doing it in the future.  What makes it so hard to get past our comfort zones is the fact that it’s so uncomfortable, and we hate discomfort.

2 keys to overcoming the restrictions of your comfort zones:

1-Have something strong enough to drive you past them.

First and foremost, you need to have dreams/goals that are strong enough to make you willing to be uncomfortable.  Often times our jobs make us feel uncomfortable, but we do them anyway because our need for money drives us to.  So if there is an area that you want to excel in, but your comfort zones are keeping you from doing so, make sure you have a clear vision of the benefits that will fallow.  If these benefits are strong enough, you will most certainly do what ever it takes to make things happen.

2-Learn to enjoy being uncomfortable.

I love to exercise!  In particular, I love to ride my bike.  One of my favorite parts is ‘rocking it’ up a big hill.  The bigger the better.  I just love to feel the pain and push past it!  There is just something invigorating about mind over matter.  And knowing that I am strengthening my heart and body doesn’t hurt either.

But it wasn’t always like this.  When I first started riding, I hated hills! I would just endure them so I could enjoy the rest of the ride.  Over time, though, this got boring.  Just like in life, if you’re not being challenged, you’re not going to grow.  And if you aren’t growing, you’re not truly living.

After a while I started pushing myself to ride faster and harder.  I started seeing a hill as a challenge to take on, instead of an obstacle to endure.  I can honestly say that I now ‘enjoy being uncomfortable’ while riding my bike.  This is because I know that the discomfort is a sign of growth.  And growth is something that I crave.  Now it’s just a matter of finding my hunger for growth in other areas of my life, that I may enjoy the discomfort as I broaden my horizens.

How can you challenge yourself this week?

It’s up to you to determine the areas that are holding you back.  Figure this out and then find ways to ‘hit it head on’.  See the discomfort as a figment of your imagination.  Choose not to let it control you and ‘push through the pain’.  If you do these things you will find that, in a good way, it will be harder and harder to find things that really hold you back.  It is at this point that you have no limits; no restraints to impede your progress.

So pick a challenge this week, something that will truly make you uncomfortable, and just dive right in.  None of this, testing the waters stuff.  Don’t give yourself time to ‘ponder the situation’.  Just jump right in!

Finally, I would like you to share your experiences throughout the week and let us know how it’s going.  I know that this isn’t a FUN idea and I would love to just give you some ‘happy thoughts’.  But this is the kind of thing that needs to happen if you want total freedom in your life.  You need to break through these barriers and broaden your horizons!

First, let me start by stating that I believe that comfort zones are a great thing and essential to good health.  We all need these ‘places’ to unwind and escape.  What I am concerned with are those areas in our life that are holding us back and keeping us from meeting our goals (or from even setting them).  I am talking about those things that we just can’t seem to get ourselves to do because we are either afraid, lazy, unmotivated, etc…  Maybe it’s the fear of meeting new people that is keeping you from making the contacts that you need to help take that next step in your job or business.  Maybe you want to get into shape but you don’t exercise because it’s ‘too hard’.  Or maybe you’ve always wanted to see certain places in the World but you just can’t seem to get in gear and make it happen.

Whatever the case, I want you to weed out those parasitic habits and restrictive behaviors that are holding you back.  This week I want to you to chew on this question, figure out what your ‘problem areas’ are so you will be ready for next week when we work on ‘The Challenge’ and start setting goals and making changes.

Then, after you have a clear understanding of what’s ‘got to go’, I want you to post it here as well as read what others have posted.  And as the week goes by my hope is that we will have a better understanding of everyone’s struggles and needs in this particular area.  This is key because it is this knowledge that will allow us to support, encourage and give advice to each other.  As you can see, the goal here is to grow not only as an individual, but as a community as well.  It is the support of a large group of people that will maximize our potential for success as well as give us the opportunity to be a part of others’ growth as well.  So it’s a win-win situation that only requires your participation!

Here is a list of some of the things you can do to knock you out of your comfort zone and breaek the boundaries that are keeping you from reaching your goals.

1-Change up your routine.

I have already posted about the importance of having a routine.  But sometimes it’s good to break it once in a while to keep from getting too comfortable.  So pick a day to change things up and experience something new.

2-Meet a neighbor.

A great way to get out of your comfort zone while building relationships is to pick a house in your neighborhood and go knock on the door.  If someone answers you can just say that you wanted to meet some of the nice people living in your neighborhood.  If no one answers you can just go to the next house and try again.  (If you live in the country and have no neighbors just think of other ways to meet new people while stepping out of your comfort zone.)

3-Join a club or committee and get involved.

Look in a local paper or go online and find out what kinds of clubs and committees are available to join.  Pick something that interests you but stretches your limits at the same time.  And then get involved.  Don’t just join, but be a regular contributor and try to help it grow.

4-Take a short trip without planning it.

Pick a few days that you have off and decide on a location for a short trip.  But other than packing the essentials, leave without a plan.  Decide as you go, where you will stay and what you will do.  This is a great way to not only stretch yourself but to enjoy a new adventure at the same time.

5-Take on new responsibilities at work.

Be willing to take on new roles and new responsibilities in your job or business.  Decide to not only do them, but to do them well.  One of the keys is not to just make the change but to do it mindfully and with the goal to excel.

6-If you don’t exercise; DO -and- If you do exercise; Double it!

Exercise is essential to good health and a sense of well being, but pushing yourself to go the extra mile is a great way to shake things while building your confidence at the same time.  If you don’t normally exercise, now is the time to start.  Don’t feel like you have to run a marathon.  Just 15 to 20 minutes of lite jogging or brisk walking is all you need to start.  If you already have an exercise routine, look at this as an opportunity to take it to the next level. If you are running 2 miles a day, try 4.  If you are biking 20 miles, then go 40.  This might sound like too much (and you may have to work up to it) but I know you can do it and I know that you will be glad you did.

7-Try some new foods.

This is a fun step.  Look through a cookbook or go online and find some recipes and types of foods that you have never tried.  Then go to the grocery store and get what you need to make these new edibles.  Best case scenario, you find some new foods you like.  Worst case, you broadened your horizons and that’s the main purpose anyway.

8-Set goals that require BIG changes.

Try to set some goals that force you to make some big changes.  Don’t just look at what you think you can do but push yourself to the limits to accomplish the things you want to do (and I know you can do).

9-Learn something new (that you wouldn’t normally learn).

Pick a subject that you wouldn’t normally be interested in and start to learn about it.  Pop online and do a quick search, read some Wiki’s and push your mind to learn something that may not interest you.  This is not only a great brain exercise but a way to expand your understanding of this World.  If you always focus on what you enjoy (which most of us understandably do) you will be greatly limiting your knowledge.  And what I’ve found is that you sometimes even start to enjoy those things that you never thought you would.

Note:  This is also a great way to connect with a wider range of people.  The more you know, the more chance that you will have something to talk about with ‘your neighbor’.

10-Take a hobby to the next level.

Pick one of your hobbies or regular activities and find a way to take it to the next level.  You might try to monetize something or compete with others in that area.  Whatever you decide to do try to make it something that will challenge you.  And who knows, you may find a way to make money while doing something you enjoy.

This is just a short list of some of the ways you can stretch yourself and broaden your horizons.  I hope you get something out of it and feel free to add to it with some of things you’ve done to break free from your comfort zone.