By far the most popular post I’ve ever written on this blog and the one that seems to deeply connect with the most people is:

Is People Pleasing Keeping You From Pleasing The Right People?

In this post I lay out some of the key signs of being a people pleaser and then offer some tips to help overcome this terrible and self destructive personality trait.

What I found interesting, though, was just how many people could clearly associate with being a people pleaser.  If you read through some of the comments you’ll see that many had no problem laying out their life story knowing that they were among fellow pleasing addicts.  And those who really got the message had a tone of relief as if a heavy burden had been lifted from their shoulders.

Since writing that post I’ve spoken with many readers about the topic and I’ve come to realize that this is not only a common issue for many, but that the end result is a certain faded version of the individual.  Just like pouring water into a glass of fine wine, those who are actively living out their people pleasing personality are quickly diluting their very existence.

In the above mentioned blog post I painted my thoughts on the subject using a broad brush.  With this post, however, I would like to refine my focus.  So let’s talk about making decisions…

Never Fear Making A Bad Decision, Only Fear Others Making Decisions For You

As a people pleaser it’s easy to give decision making control over to others.  Not only are we often suffering from some form of low self-esteem, but our desire to do what we think others want us to do is often stronger then that of taking control of our lives.  The problem with this unhealthy habit is that we are diluting our decision making data.

When we truly make our own decisions we are able to gather useful information based on the outcome.  Regardless of whether the decision was right or wrong the information provided by the result will prove equally useful for better decision making in the future.  If a child decides to touch a hot stove and gets burned they will have learned just as much as if they touched cold water to sooth their skin.

This is the natural way that our brains use our senses (including our 6th sense…those gut feelings we have) to learn how to improve our way of life.  From learning what not to touch so we don’t get burned to better understanding our sense of others.  The problem with people pleasing is that it disrupts this process and dilutes the information our brains are trying to absorb.

The reason people pleasing is so destructive to this data is because the results observed when letting others decide your direction is tainted.  Even if you encounter a positive outcome from a people pleasing based decision you will find no use for that data because it tells you nothing about how your own decision would have turned out.  In other words, it’s better to make a bad decision then to let someone else make a good decision for you.  In the short run you may be better off with the latter, but down the road your ability to make your own good choices will atrophy as a result.

Resentment Is Often The Result Of Allowing Others To Direct Your Decisions

When we make a bad decision it can sting for a bit but in the end we live an learn.  But when we make a bad decision and we know that this decision was not the one we wanted to make from the start, we can be devastated.

The saying goes, “You’ve made your bed and now you have to lay in it.”  Yet as people pleasers we are constantly laying in a bed made by those around us.  Considering the mess of decisions based on who knows how many personalities and agendas, we find ourselves frustrated that our own less than ideal situation is the result of other peoples mistakes.  Resentment, no doubt, ensues.

The problem is that we have no one to blame but ourselves.  Because the one choice that we people pleasers always seem to make on our own is to hand over the keys to our own lives.

You Are No Longer You

As time goes on the active people pleaser will become less and less like the unique individual they had come into this world to be.  Just like that water polluted glass of wine, the people pleaser has been so diluted by the people around them that they lose their distinct taste.  So afraid of being disliked or disagreeable they end up being left with little personality.  And let me tell you, it’s better to be loved by some and hated by others then to only be liked by all.  Some may love wine and hate beer or love beer and hate wine, but no one likes a watered down version of either.

The First Steps

There’s nothing more freeing then finally making your own decisions, but the first step is giving yourself permission.

As a people pleaser I know first hand how hard it is to let myself grab the wheel and push everyone else into the back seat.  We feel guilty for even considering such a thing, but how crazy is that?!  This is our life and we are the ones who have to walk in our shoes or lay in the bed we’ve made.  So the idea that we should have any form of guilt for taking charge of our lives and finally directing our future is insane!  So stop listening to that little people pleasing voice and start making your own decisions, finally gathering that ever important data.

You’ve Got To Walk Before You Can Run

If you’re like me you’ve been trying to please the world around you for decades.  As a result we find our 6th sense to be immature at best.  Once we decide to break free from our people pleasing ways we may find the road ahead to be a bit bumpy at first.  Going too far in one direction and then not far enough, we have to be patient as we feel out our new dedication to making our own decisions and in time we’ll greatly improve the accuracy of our intuition.

Never Let Fear Dictate Your Decisions

If you’re a people pleaser then you will no doubt relate to this scenario.  You’re faced with a tough decision, one which will directly effect others.  Your first thought is a clear take on what direction you should go.  Yet moments later your judgment is clouded by the fear of what if.  What if so and so did such and such when I decide to do this or that?  We try and play out the scenario in our minds to find the path of least resistance.  But the bottom line is that the only path should be the one you feel is best.  And the moment you stop letting your fear of the unknown outcome dictate your decisions is the moment you will be free to live your life like a glass of fine wine, providing a distinct flavor to the world around you.

So stop trying to please and start learning to live your best life possible!

We all have our own unique personalities; our own likes, dislikes and general preferences.  Unfortunately many of us end up compromising these preferences for what we believe is a necessary evil.  Yet all too often we find someone else doing what we wanted to do, but didn’t for fear of a failing result.  Our success was stolen by our own twisted idea that our uniqueness was a liability, not an asset.

I don’t know about you, but I’m often afraid of truly speaking my mind for fear of things like disagreement, tainting of my reputation and that awful thing we call r-e-j-e-c-t-i-o-n!  I mean, what if I’m misunderstood?  Or what if I say something that turns out to be inaccurate or maybe just comes across as silly?

The problem with these fears is that the alternative is much worse.  Let’s say we are successful, but fake?  Or even worse, unsuccessful AND fake?  Either way we will be miserable.  If we are not being ourselves then who cares if we are accepted?  It’s high school all over again, right?!  You know what I mean, when we tried to be liked by certain people by talking a certain way, walking a certain way and acting a certain way.  Then we look back on those days and think how silly we were and how meaningless it all was with our own uniqueness pushed down by our fears.  This has to stop or we will never know what we’re truly capable of!

The Hard Part Is Taking The First Step

I could go on and on about the importance of being ourselves or the detriment of not, but let’s assume we agree at this point.  OK, so now what?  Well, it’s really quite simple.  We need only to listen to our own hearts and minds.  That’s pretty much it.

I’m not suggesting we disregard the wisdom around us or go against someone else’s better judgment, but when the only thing standing between being ourselves and being fake is fear of the “what if” we must always push ahead!  The more we do this the easier it will be and the easier it gets the better we’ll be at being ourselves.

What Does It Mean To Be Yourself

When I think of ‘being yourself’ I picture someone who acts on their intuition, not the latest census.  I see an individual who goes against the grain for no other reason but to appease their unique idea of how it should be done.  I envision a peace of mind that only comes from the knowledge that if they’re going to be rejected or even ignored it will be THEY who are taking the hit, not their pseudo self.

I see so much that I want to be and success that is waiting to be grasped, yet my fears keep me from taking that first step.  I’ve made great strides over the years, but still have a ways to go.  As I continue to break out of my shell and see the benefits of being myself I thought I’d share this struggle with you in hopes that if you’re stuck as a pseudo you, that you’d be inspired to push past this guaranteed mediocrity.

Eric Hamm

I just got back from an awesome trip to Las Vegas for Blog World New Media Expo 2009.  I learned a lot and enjoyed connecting with many of my online buddies that I had never met in person (eg. Sean Platt, Maya, Michael Martine, and a few others who I hadn’t connected with until this trip like Charlie Gilkey, Naomi and Jamie Dunford, and Chris Brogan).  There were certainly more awesome bloggers and online entrepreneurs that I connected with, beyond the few mentioned above.

My point for this post…

OK, so I’m crazy busy right now, trying to catch up from being gone for the past 5 days, so here’s my point.  Changing our location and scenery for even a short amount of time is often all we need to spark new ideas and think outside the box.

I was on the plane from Charlotte, NC to Las Vegas, staring out the window, thinking about how easy it is to isolate ourselves from the rest of the world.  Even when we go on vacation it’s usually to a destination that we see each and every year.  But it’s only when we try new places and meet new people that certain parts of our personalities come out to play.

Everything from the flights and the people on them, to the new climate in Las Vegas (sunny and 85 to 90 the whole time…NICE!!) to the totally unique feel of the city to the many great people I met at the conference to the hotel, etc…  All these things played a part in resetting my thought process a bit and giving me a fresh perspective.

When we go to a conference and return with new ideas we usually credit the speakers and the ideas being passed around the stage for these fresh thoughts in our minds.  Yet we miss the fact that much of these ideas were already stirring around our heads, only waiting for the right kind of stimulation to bring them out.  And often, it’s everything ELSE that does this, not necessarily the scheduled event.

Think about it.  Think about an event you went to that took you away from your home and usual routine that had a noticeable impact on your ideas.  Now imagine if that event had been held in your hometown.  Would it have had the same effect on you?  Probably not.  And why?  Because you wouldn’t have been forced out of your comfort zone and your usual routine.

So in short, if you want to spark some new ideas and truly stimulate your thought process, take some time away from your normal habits and location.  While your mind is coping with the new situation, being forced to strain where it’s used to being on auto-pilot, you’ll free the intelligence that has been waiting to escape your sub-conscious.

So what were my thoughts?

I’m not going to get into specifics right now, but I can say that I had many new ideas, stemming from business to family to technology and even our society.  No new inventions came out of the experience, but improvements on what I’ve been working so hard on (both business and personal) certainly took place.

Finally…

I just HAD to share this latest picture of Tyson with you all.  It really shows his character and his increasing cuteness.  I’m mean come on!  Who pulls off red tipped socks better than this guy?!

Eric Hamm

First, a flashback…

Ever since I can remember, I’ve been passionate about the big blue sky.  From watching the birds soar up a large, rising thermal, to flying my radio control gliders up that very same thermal.  From biking up to the top of a mountain and feeling even closer to the clouds, to barreling down that very same mountain, pretending I was flying as I descended.

And not just the sky, but every natural thing under it.  From the mountains to the water to the trees and the trails that lead to more beauty, I enjoy God’s wonderful creation as much as I think humanly possible.  And with this passion comes the desire to enjoy it year round.  And this is one of the downfalls of our current location.

We live in a small to medium sized town in Central Virginia called Charlottesville.  Being ranked the #1 place to live the US in 2004 tells you it’s not a bad spot on the map.  Home of the University of Virginia, Charlottesville is a wonderful, culture rich college town with everything from historical landmarks like Monticello to the latest chains like Best Buy and Chili’s.  C’ville, as it’s called by anyone who’s lived here for more than a few years, has a wonderful balance of a small town feel and a city that’s ‘up-to-code’ with technology and all things 21st century.

The climate is the double edge sword that I was mentioning above.  We get all the seasons and for the most part, a nice taste of each.  Fall is by far the best time, with the dry sunny weather that sits right around 65 degrees.  Long pants and a t-shirt will get you through most Charlottesville Fall afternoons.  Oh, and the leaves change and present the landscape with a wide array of beautiful colors that is unmatched by much of the rest of the Country.

But there’s a dark spot in this 4 season scenario.  It’s a 3 month time period from February through April where it’s just plain depressing.  Many cloudy, rainy days, with temperatures often too warm for snow, yet way too cold for comfort.  It’s during this time period that I’m stuck inside and where my cabin fever often gets the best of me.

Why am I telling you all this?  I guess I just want to let you know where I’m coming from when I tell you that I long to live in a place with mild, dry, sunny whether, where I can enjoy my big blue sky year round.  Where I can rely on bike riding weather from January to December.  And my first question to myself is, “Is this even a good reason to move?”

Back to the present…

OK, so now that that’s out of my system let me get to the main point/question.  As Liz and I keep coming to the front end of this seemingly tired conversation, we keep asking ourselves, “Are we being held back by our own comfort zones?”  “Does living in your home town keep you from pushing the limits because you are constantly met by a comfort that comes from knowing nothing else?”

Liz went to college for a year and a half and therefore lived a few hours from home for a time and I lived in London, England for 7 months in ’99, but we’ve known nothing else.  Could we be leaning a little too hard on the crutch of comfort by not wanting to move away from family and friends?  Or is this just our better judgment keeping us from making a big mistake?

I’m sorry if you came to this blog today looking for some good advice or some delicious food for thought.  This post is more a question mark that has been in the making for the last few years of our lives.  So I’m just sharing it with you with great interest in your own personal thoughts and/or experiences with the subject.

So what do you think?

Can our physical location in the world play a big role in our personal growth?  Does the climate, community and comfort level have it’s hand in our ability to mature and make our own waves in the World? Let us know your thoughts and help Liz in I as we continue to chew on the question, “To move or not to move?”

Eric Hamm

A Brief Back-story

This project (the ebook itself) was an inevitable outcome for Leo and myself.  Both passionately pursuing our best possible life, we’ve had a lot of experience with this sometimes elusive subject.  Motivation is something that is hard to nail down.  It’s one of those subjects that can be difficult to turn into a tangible topic.  Yet we feel confident that we’ve done just that, both on our blogs and the new ebook.

The Main Purpose of The Essential Motivation Handbook

The obvious reason for devising such a point of reference is to give people a powerful tool to push past those bumps in the road of life so that they may achieve the goals they’ve set to accomplish.  Yet another purpose of this ebook that many may miss is its ability to save you mass amounts of time and energy.

No longer will you have to search through countless blog posts and search results on Google to find the absolute best content on the subject of motivation.  We feel if this book can save you just ONE HOUR of your precious time, from searching and separating the wheat for the chaff, the price of purchase is paid for.  And as a bonus, you have all this great content wrapped up in a nice, neat, portable PDF package.  You just can’t beat that!

Speaking of Bonuses…

Another new aspect of this great product is the new bonus material we’re offering with each purchase (if you’ve already purchased The Essential Motivation Handbook you will be receiving these bonuses).  Leo and I created a 3 part bonus video where we answer reader questions regarding the topic of motivation.  We cover many aspects of the topic and dive into the depths of what gives a person the power to push past the mundane.

Become An Affiliate Today!

Last, but not least, we’re offering a 50% affiliate payout and would love for you to make money while helping us spread the news of this great new motivational resource.  So be sure to sign up for an affiliate account today! You’ll find some newly created banner images of differing sizes to help you effectively promote the product.

Final Thoughts

Thanks for taking the time to read through this rehash of our recent launch.  As mentioned above, be sure to check out the new site and enjoy The Essential Motivation Handbook if you’ve already made the purchase.

If you have any questions about any of the things mentioned you can feel free to contact me or find me on Twitter, otherwise, you may purchase The Essential Motivation Handbook here.

Eric

Click here to view the embedded video.

I’ve had my hands full over the last 3 months with a new baby boy, a new business and less sleep than I’d prefer.  I’ve been trying to keep up with all my ‘to-dos’ and not neglect any of the many avenues of online communication that I’ve been able to enjoy over the past year.  Unfortunately I’ve had to let my personal posts on this blog slip as well as my voice on Twitter and in the comments of my favorite blogs.  I call myself a blogger and yet I’ve done very little in the way of actual blogging.

About a week ago Liz and I began to talk about the fact that my home office had served its purpose to allow me to help out while Tyson was getting past those first few months of infancy, but that it was no longer a benefit, but a hindrance to both of us.  For me, dealing with two hyperactive dogs and a baby while trying to run multiple businesses was not working out.  My focus was constantly in a diluted state and seemed to be stuck on a reboot loop.

For Liz, it was the fact that my constant presence in our home hindered her ability to get into a solid routine.  She felt that if I wasn’t there she would be forced to get things done instead of asking for my assistance throughout the day.  She wanted to have the house to herself during the day so she could take care of her responsibilities with zero distraction from my comings and goings.

Basically, we needed to have our own space and time apart.  So renting some office space seemed to be the logical next step.

Natural Light

So I popped online and found a few vacancies in an office building just 2 minutes from our house.  It was a building I was familiar with as I had setup some computer equipment in one of the very offices I was going to possibly rent.  So I popped over there for a tour and found two possibilities.  Both were about 100 square feet but one had a window and the other did not.  Though a bit cheaper, the one without the window felt like a fluorescently lit cave, while the other required no light other than the natural sunlight that came through the large window.  The latter option was a no-brainer.

So I quickly signed the lease and started moving in ASAP.  It was quite obvious to me that this was going to be one of the best business moves I’ve made in quite some time.

Uninterrupted BLISS!!

It’s amazing to me how much more clear your thoughts are and how much more you can get done when uninterrupted space is provided.  For someone who is riddled with ADHD I found my productivity at home to be atrocious.  Even when I did have some quiet time I could never quite shake that largely distracting anticipation that Tyson may pipe up at any moment or the dogs may decide to alert us that a squirrel was making its way across our back yard.  It’s only now that I sit in my new office space, disconnected from any and all unforeseen distractions, that I can calmly type out this post, knowing it will get done and be checked off my list.

I can’t stress enough how important this move has been, even after only a few hours of test drive.  Kind of like love at first sight, you need nothing more than the first wiff to understand the future affect of its presence in your life.  I have no doubt that my future days will be filled with greater strides and an overall more effective focus.  Now it’s just a matter of learning how Liz’s day went.

Eric

EDITOR’S NOTE: This is a guest post by Ali Hale of Aliventures.com.

You’re right at the start of a new project, or you’ve just set yourself a particular goal. You’re feeling energized and fired up. You get going, and it’s great: you’re in the flow, you’re enjoying yourself, and you’re certain you’re going to succeed.

The problem is, that level of motivation isn’t permanent. Pretty soon, you find that your motivation’s clocked out and gone home. Your project or goal doesn’t seem quite so thrilling any more. In fact, it’s beginning to feel like a bit of a drag.

All too often, this is the point at which people give up. They start smoking again. They ditch the diet. They skip the gym. They abandon their book, two chapters in. They stop blogging.

Which is a shame, because motivation isn’t a one-shot deal. It might feel like it’s gone, but it’s not irrecoverable. You can get it back.

Why Does Motivation Go?

Have you ever woken up in the morning and realized that your initial enthusiasm for your new diet, your meditation routine or your small business has simply … gone?

I think that motivation is a bit like heat energy: it dissipates over time. You boil the kettle and make a coffee – the water’s nice and hot. Boil the kettle and leave it for five hours, though … and it’s going to go cold.

If you took that just-boiled kettle and dunked it in a bathtub of ice, it’d go cold a lot faster. Motivation’s a bit like that too: you can be feeling really keen on something, then a friend or relative scoffs about it, laughs as you, or just doesn’t get it … and wham. Your motivation’s gone.

To get yourself re-motivated, you need to do things to maintain or ramp up the heat.

Get Fired Up Again

We’re all unique. What works to motivate one person won’t necessarily work for you. But these are some general ways of rekindling that motivating fire inside: in each, you’ll need to figure out what tone or style works best for you. (A good place to start might be learning how to motivate yourself.)

It’s not quite as easy as switching a kettle back on … but there are some specific things you can do:

1. Daydream and Visualize

Our motivation can start to ebb fast when we feel that there’s a long hard slog ahead with no end in sight. A great way to turn that around is to focus on what you’re going to get at the end of the journey. Is it:

• A healthy, fit body that you’re proud of?
• A completed book?
• A successful business – which will allow you to quit your day job?
• A degree or qualification?

Imagine how you’ll feel when you’ve accomplished your goal. Think about how you’ll look and stand and walk. Will you have more confidence? Will you be proud of yourself?

2. Read Motivating Materials

When I’m feeling low, discouraged or apathetic, I find that reading something inspiring and encouraging is a great pick-me-up. Find a few blogs, magazines or books which never fail to put a smile on your face, or which make you want to take action towards your goals.

It’s not necessarily the content that matters, but the tone. Reading something that’s written by someone who’s impassioned, enthusiastic and generous will help you to get into that mindset too – even if the actual material isn’t directly related to your project or goal.

Some of the motivating blogs on my list (for their style more than their content) are:

• ProBlogger (Darren Rowse)
• The Simple Dollar (Trent Hamm)
• IttyBiz (Naomi Dunford)

The current books I dip into when I’m feeling demotivated are:

• Career Renegade (Jonathan Fields)
• 4 Hour Workweek (Timothy Ferriss)
• Personal Development for Smart People (Steve Pavlina)
• The Success Principles (Jack Canfield)

Try out some of my recommendations – or ask others for theirs – and figure out a few blogs and books which work for you.

3. Talk to Someone Energizing

Have you ever talked to someone about your big goal or project, and found that they lit up with enthusiasm? Did they eagerly ask you for details, offer their encouragement, or simply convey an infectious sense of enthusiasm?

Just as there are “energy vampires” out there who seem to suck out your motivation, leaving you cold, there are also “energy donors” who get you fired up and ready to go.

Some great sources of these folk are:

• Seminars and conferences in your field
• Clubs or groups of people who share your interest or goal (make sure the feeling is one of enthusiasm and encouragement; some groups are full of people who’re just there to complain…)
• Friends and family who are always supportive of your plans
• Life coaches – it’s their job to keep you motivated, and accountable!

Motivation comes and goes – but you’re the one in control. Just like putting the kettle back on when it’s cooled, you can take action to get your motivation levels up again.

Has your motivation gone cold recently? What’re you going to do to get the temperature back up?

Ali Hale blogs about getting more from life at Aliventures. (Click here to grab the RSS feed.) She’s a freelance writer, a part-time student of creative writing, and – being English – isn’t a big coffee drinker but is very partial to a nice warm mug of tea.

EDITOR’S NOTE: This is a guest post from Celestine Chua of celestinechua.com.

How would you gauge your motivational level? Are you constantly motivated, or do you need to keep doing self-talk in order to motivate yourself to get on with things?

What if I tell you that there’s a way to be endlessly motivated? What if I tell you that this is something everyone can do?

I’m a highly energetic and motivated person. Many of the people who have interacted with me before would comment on my incredibly high energy level. They usually remark with some tinge of amazement on how I can always remain so hyperactive and happy. One of my coaches even compared me with the Duracell bunny as a way of expressing how he felt about my high, endless energy levels. I have yet to decide on whether I like that particular analogy, but you get his point.

However, I was never always like this. Just last year, there was a period of time when I felt constantly tired, drained and vacant. At that time, I was working in a brand management role in my ex-company, which was among the Fortune 100. During the weekdays, I would wake up in the morning and feel a sense of drudgery from having to go to work. Throughout the week, I would subconsciously count down the days toward the weekend because that was when I get to do things I liked. When the weekend finally arrived, I would be spending it by watching TV shows, online videos, shopping, or sleeping (which I later found out to be escapist behaviors). Before I knew it, the weekend would be over and a new week had begun.

Honestly? It was an empty period of my life. I was always one to enjoy living and to see the upside of life. Having to go through life in this manner was just eating away inside of me. It felt terrible. It didn’t even feel like I was living life at all. Deep down, something didn’t feel right inside of me. Somehow, I knew that life shouldn’t be about living in emptiness.

When I delved into the situation, I realized the issue. I had lost my passion for my job. In place of that, my deep-seated passion towards helping others achieve personal excellence was calling out to me. It was a passion which had been present since a few years ago. A passion which I chose to set aside at that time as I didn’t want to miss the rare opportunity of working in a Fortune 100 to gain exposure and experience.

When I came to the realization, it was clear that I had to break away from a job I wasn’t passionate about to pursue my real passion. It was then that I made the decision to resign from my Fortune 100 career. It didn’t matter that the job with a high level of prestige factor, gratuitous paycheck, great career developments or attractive ancillary benefits such as travel. What mattered was I needed to do what I truly loved. The rest of the factors were secondary. What’s more, they were not exclusive to my corporate job and I knew I could always reattain them from new endeavors.

This decision to resign was the single most impactful decision I’ve made in my life.

Today, I really, really love life . I’m continuously motivated to drive onward and forward. I’m living every moment in joy and I can’t wait to see what’s next. And the reason why that’s the case is because I’m living my passion. I’m doing what I love – to help others be their best self and live their best life. While I’m busy every day writing at my blog, doing my coaching and conducting speeches, it’s a kind of busyness which I relish in. In fact, I simply can’t get enough of it – I just want to do more and more, because I love all of this so much!

So how do you become endlessly motivated? Follow your passion. This is my single one answer to you. I can list to you some laundry list of 40-50 motivational hacks you can use to boost your motivation levels, but these are just going to be short-term measures. If you aren’t fundamentally following your passion to begin with, no amount of external motivational stimuli can help to perk you up. Following your passion is the only sustainable, long-term path towards being motivated.

What is your passion? What is it that you love to do? What is it that gets you going? What do you want to be doing if you will definitely not fail?

Find it. Connect with it. Then start pursuing it. This pursuit can be in small tiny steps if you are someone who is afraid of big changes, or big strides if you are all about speed and action. Whatever it is, just make sure you are acting in increasing alignment to your heart’s desire. When you do that, you will find yourself more and more connected to your inner motivational source. You will find that you start feeling more and more alive each day, to the point where one day, you are finally fully pursuing your passion and experiencing the state of endless motivation.

Celestine Chua is a personal excellence coach who writes at her popular The Personal Excellence Blog to help others like you achieve excellence. Some of her top articles include: 50 Ways to Boost Your Productivity and Cultivate Good Habits in 21 Days.

A Pair of Passionate Writers

Leo Babauta of zenhabits and myself have brought together our best efforts to write, what we believe to be, one of the best books on motivation you’ll find anywhere! After much collaboration and pulling together our best work on the subject, we put together a powerful tool for anyone in need of more drive, efficiency and effective habits.  ‘The Essential Motivation Handbook’ is your ticket to finally getting things done and moving past the mundane!

A Perfect Companion To A Best-Seller

You may or may not know this, but Leo is the author of a best-selling ebook on productivity called Zen To Done.  The reason it has done so well is because it actually does what it says it will.  People who read it actually become more productive.  Much of the time we purchase a product that says it will meet a need, but after we’re through, we fail to see the results advertised.  Well, Zen To Done does deliver and so does ‘The Essential Motivation Handbook’.

Now, for the companion part.  When putting this work together, Leo and I wanted to not only create a stand alone solution to your motivational needs, but a perfect companion to one of the best books on productivity out there.  The fact is, learning how to be productive is only half the battle.  You need the ability to harness your internal fire to actually make things happen.  That’s where ‘The Essential Motivation Handbook’ comes in, and it’s the combination of these two awesome books that will help anyone actually reach their goals and stop just dreaming of that elusive day that may never arrive.

The Book…

Here is the table of contents, listing the powerful insight you’ll find in this book:

1. How To Motivate Yourself

2. The Only Two Secrets to Motivating Yourself You’ll Ever Need

3. A Guide to Beating the Fears That Are Holding You Back

4. Task Ninja: Form the Action Habit

5. Top 20 Motivation Hacks

6. The Ultimate Guide to Motivation – How to Achieve Any Goal

7. Progress, Progress, Progress! 5 Tips To Keep You Moving Forward

8. 7 Steps to Turn Your Self-Improvement Desires Into Reality

9. 25 Killer Actions to Boost Your Self-Confidence

10. 6 Small Things You Can Do When You Lack Discipline

11. 16 Ways to Motivate Yourself When You’re in a Slump

12. 5 Tips For Motivational Recovery

13. The Magical Power of Focus

14. 10 Ways to Beat the “Can’t Get No Satisfaction” Syndrome

15. 30 Incredible Places to Turn When You Need Inspiration

16. How To Deal With Negative Feedback

17. How to Doggedly Pursue Your Dreams in the Face of Naysayers

18. Achieve Your Dreams Despite Pressures of Work and Family

19. Why You Should Celebrate Your Mistakes

20. How to Actually Execute Your To-do List

21. The Yin And Yang Of Persistence

22. Enduring the Valley to Get to Success

23. How To Relax And Why It’s So Important

24. The Simple Guide To Single-Tasking Success

25. Stop Reading About It and Do It

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I’ve been out of commission, at least in regards to posting to this blog, but have been blessed with many great bloggers and friends who have helped keep the content flowing by submitting their own great work.  But now it’s time to get back in the driver’s seat of Motivate Thyself and share some of the new findings being a new dad has brought about.

The Hamster Wheel Effect

I’ve always been an extremely driven person, but ever since Tyson was born I’ve felt the flames of forward motion grow hotter by the day.  The desire to provide more freedom and flexibility for my growing family have brought about larger visions of success and monetary gain.  Let’s face it, simplicity and frugality are great, but a super tight budget can be a real pain in the A$$!  There’s nothing like the new found pressure of higher health insurance costs, diapers galore and a little thing I like to call the hungry baby shriek of death!

The problem is, I can easily find myself running on all cylinders, but not getting very far.  Or even worse, getting really far and then realizing I went the wrong direction.  If you’re anything like me, you shoot first and ask questions later.  I see what I think is a good opportunity and I go for it.  Part of my drive comes from the constant feeling like there are thousands of others going for the same thing and every second I wait to act is one second further from the desired destination; a prize that someone else may obtain at any minute.

Then I find myself feeling like I’m running in place.  Do you ever feel like you’re running on a big hamster wheel, breaking  a sweat, but not getting anywhere?  Or maybe a treadmill.  You run to maintain your location, but not make any real progress.  You feel if you stop you will fall way back, out of the running for your goals.

The fact is, this is mostly true.  There ARE thousands of people out there fighting for the same piece of cheese and if we stop pushing ahead we will most certainly loose ground.  But there are some key ingredients here that I want to share; things that I’ve noticed over the last 8 weeks.

Learn From Your Past, Don’t Dwell On It

Hind site is definitely 20/20 so it’s easy for us to become back seat drivers to our pasts.  We set out on a new journey for some form of positive future, yet as the months go by we look back, seeing every mistake we made along the way.  “If I had just done this instead of that I’d be this much further along.”  Or, “Why did I go in that direction?  This way would have brought about much greater success!”

The problem with this kind of thinking is that we not only distract ourselves from making better decisions in the future, but we weigh ourselves down with negativity.  There’s nothing worse then trying to climb a mountain with a backpack full of unnecessary junk.  The lighter our load, the more capable and clear minded we become.  So never look at your past mistakes with a ‘What if?’ mindset.  Instead, learn everything you can from it, assuring you don’t make the same mistakes further along in your journey, then move on.

Think about it like this…

A professional sports team will spend just as much time watching old recordings of their past games as they will planing for future ones.  But the coach doesn’t sit there and say, “You guys stink!  See here, you did this and that and look what happened!  We lost the game because of you!!”  No, they will pick apart the actions of each player and determine what was done right and what was done wrong.  Then they figure out a better future action for that player if that specific scenario comes up in future games.

You can do this with more than your own past.

You don’t have to wait for your own mistakes to learn the best way to accomplish a goal.  Just like a sports team will study other team’s games, you can learn from the mistakes (and accomplishments) others have made by studying their actions and the results that follow.

The bottom line is, ‘When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.’  But when you fail to execute, figure out what went wrong, make note of this, and move on.

Constant Reflection Provides Pinpoint Accuracy

Earlier in this post I mentioned the problem of making up a lot of ground and then realizing your heading was misguided.  The best way to avoid this potentially devastating mistake is to periodically reflect on your current situation and remind yourself of the desired destination.  Try and re-envision the sight, sound, smell and feel of this goal.  Just like hounds need to refresh their scent to keep from losing the lock on their pursuee, so too do we need a constant reminder of exactly what we’re working so hard to accomplish.  Lose the scent and risk completely missing the mark.

Why do we so often run in place?

I don’t know about you, but for me it’s a combination of impatience and fear.

• Impatience: I want to reach my goal so badly that I see a ‘quick stop and reassessment of the situation’ as just one more thing to slow me down.  Little do I know that the greatest danger to my speed at which I reach my goal is inaccuracy, not lack of brute force motion.  A running back in an American Football game may see the time ticking down to zero, but knows from experience that it’s constant reassessment and redirection that will give them the greatest opportunity to score, not a blind sprint to the end-zone.
• Fear: Picture yourself in a sail boat race.  Neck and neck with the leader, you and your team put forth all your effort to not lose ground and lose the race.  Along the way you hit some debris which puts a hole in the side of your boat.  You’re taking on water.  You split up your team, having half maintain the sails and steering while the other half is to bail out the water.  You’ve successfully prevented your vessel from sinking, but with a split up team you have slowed way down.  Deep down you know that you need to just stop and focus the full force of your team into plugging the hole and then put that same force back into pushing ahead, but you’re afraid of losing more ground.

It’s this fear of momentarily stopping to reassess the situation that can keep us sailing with a sinking ship.  It’s this fear that often keeps us from taking much needed vacations or even just a long weekend of reflection.  But just like the sailboat will regain its ground and then some, once repaired, we will almost always come back from our necessary reflection times with a renewed vigor and a sharper vision of the future.

Final Thoughts

Coming up on my 1 year blogging anniversary, I’ve been able to witness many failures and a few exciting accomplishments.  Often filled with 2 steps forward and 2 steps back, I’ve struggled much of the time.  Yet I’ve learned so much and have made up much ground.  Not in spite of my mistakes, but because of them.  I’ve taken what I’ve learned, reassessed and pushed ahead with greater accuracy and better technique.  I’m still making mistakes left and right, but I’m learning from each one.

So I guess the best way to sum up my thoughts would be to say, “Embrace your imperfections, learn from your mistakes and always keep your eyes focused on the positive possibilities of a brighter future.”  We’re all going to screw up along the way, but few make the most of these faults and use them to their future advantage.

Eric