The last few weeks have been a little less than insane as I’ve been bombarded with all kinds of different life experiences and seeming to only have 23 hours a day to do it all.  I’ve enjoyed the steady flow of traffic from zenhabits as I’ve been promoting my different online ventures with Leo’s awesome blog.  I’ve been trying to maintain a level of quality with my blog posts that has kept me from just taking a quick break and tapping out an average message.  This has kept my post count quite low, but I think it’s worth it to keep my homepage packed with, as Leo calls them, ‘High Impact Posts’.  And finally, Liz birthed us a little baby boy on Tuesday, the 19th of this month.  That event shook things up well beyond normal and just past insane!

First, Let’s Talk Baby

OK, so the baby stuff is what most of you want to hear about, or maybe I’m just most eager to share, but either way, he’s finally here and I’m finally a member of club dad.

At 5lb 15oz’s little Tyson really lived up to his LT name.  He’s actually 20 inches long so he’s no shrimp, but he’s got my thin bone structure that makes people wrap their hands around your skinny wrists and say, “DUDE, I could like wrap my fingers around like three of your wrists!”  (Once they realize I don’t have three wrists, I’m already gone…but enough about. me )

Labor was quite intense to say the least.  Liz started having contractions at about 10:30pm Monday night, but they weren’t past the, “Wow, I think I just had a contraction?” stage until about 1 or 2 am.  By 3:30am she was starting to panic a bit, saying she wasn’t sure about the fact that we were still at home.  By 3:45am we were waiting for the Dr. to call back and running around the house in a controlled panic (if there is such a thing).

We arrived at the hospital by 4:30am and Liz had the wonderful pleasure of screaming all the way up the elevator.  OK, so she held it in pretty well, but the poor thing was hollering on the inside, I could tell.  By the time we got to our room, she was in the bathroom hollering on the outside.

The Dr. came in to check on her and could tell by the noise that she was definitely in full labor.  So we spent the next few hours laboring in different places, from the tub, to the oddly shaped bed to the birthing ball.  Refusing the epidural, Liz was left with a few shots of Fentanyl to take the edge off.  This got her through a bit more of the birthing pains, but by 6am she was pretty spent.

She laid in her bed while the Dr. came into tell her, “Your 6 centimeters.  If you plan on having and epidural, now is the cutoff time.”  Liz, being beaten down by the intense contractions, started to question her resolve.  She wasn’t sure if she could take much more of the pain without some kind of relief, but because we had spent a lot of time over the past month talking about the subject, I encouraged her to stick it out (women reading this, please don’t punch me through your computer screen.  I promise she was glad I did. )

I knew it was her spirit that was most badly beaten so I got her to stand up and do the slow dance I like to call ‘the 8 centimeter Waltz’.  For the next 2 hours we rocked back and forth, her head on my shoulder, working through each contraction.  Our focus was to forget the past, relax in the present and not worry about the future.  Without this, she would be in constant stress over everything that had happened, was happening and was about to happen (kind of like life, you know).

By 8am Liz told the nurse that she felt like the baby was much further down, as if he might drop out.  So she checked her and sure enough she was 10 centimeters and ready to push.

Liz later said that the pushing was an amazingly empowering process.  That it was the part of the labor where she had some form of control.  Finally she was able to do something with the contractions, not just bare them.

The time between the first push and Tyson’s first little cry was only about 45 minutes.  Being right there to see the whole thing (heck, I held her left leg for each push), I was blown away at the amazing process that takes place to bring a baby into the world.  And when he found his way onto Liz’s chest for the first time, we looked at each other with an amazement and joy that seemed to erase the past 10 hours of pain and uncertainty.

We had a son, he had a full head of dark brown hair and…we had a son!

Everything is going great and we’re loving every minute of it!  OK, so there have been a few hiccups here and there and we’re not quite enjoying the sleep routine that we once had (though it’s Liz that is baring the brunt of that burden…I can’t work if I can’t keep my eyes open…once again ladies, please don’t hurt me…)  Seriously, Liz is loving every minute of motherhood.  And speaking of mothers, hers has been in town for the last week helping us with everything from meals to shopping to feeding to just giving her motherly moral support.  Mother-In-Laws get a bad wrap, but mine is nothing short of amazing!

OK, Now Let’s Get Down To Business

I just wanted to update you on my latest biz banter, if you don’t mind.

I’ve had the wonderful privilege of renting a bit of prime advertising real estate on zenhabits for the last month and will be able to utilize it through the month of June as well.  Let me first say that I know few banner spots better on the Internet for reaching a rich audience of loyal blog followers.  Leo’s readers are some of the nicest, most valuable web surfers to grace the digits of my Google Analytics.  I’m not a sales pitch kind of guy and they’re not interested being pitched a sale.  I just get to share my products and services to a much larger audience and it’s been a real blessing to say the least.

Turning a product into a service and a service into a product.

My two online businesses, frugal Theme Dot Com and frugal Site Design, are a perfect match of product and service.  I’ve created a product, the frugal WordPress Theme and I use that particular theme to serve those who need a custom website.

I’ve been giving the frugal Theme away for free for the past few months now, but have recently created a Premium version that I sell, along with single and multi-use licences.  There’s still a free one available, but both the free and Premium versions have been updated with cleaner code and many enhancements.  And for those who just want it all done for them or who need a professionally customized version, they contact me over at frugal Site Design and hire me for the job.

By the way, for anyone interested, there’s a 40% payout for affiliates on all frugal products!  (I just had to throw that in. )

It’s been a great fit for me and seems to have been a good one for my clients as well.  So I couldn’t be happier about the venture and hope to take what I’ve learned and am continuing to learn about the unique challenges of online business and share them with my wonderful Motivate Thyself readers.

Finally, About Blogging

I know this isn’t a blog about blogging, but I figured I could sneak this in here and hope no one really notices.

I’ve really changed my blogging/writing style over the last 4 months or so as I’ve had less time and less desire to create ‘pretty good’ content.  I’ve dropped my 4 to 5 posts a week schedule and picked up a more ‘post when you’ve really got something worth sharing (and the time to effectively share it)’ kind of mindset.  I couldn’t get out of my head the idea that as a blogger who wants to regularly WOW his readers, I can’t afford to let my home page fill with mediocrity.  That words should not tap into the confines of my frugal Theme framework without first passing the test of personal passion for the piece in mind.

One of my fears when I first considered this shift was that I would lose a lot of my regular traffic.  I was afraid that my readers might come to think I had closed shop.  Yet I was pleasantly surprised to instead find a much greater influx of both regular readers and now and again traffic.  More of my content was being shared with the rest of the blogging community and I found a greater respect for the voice I was sharing.

This is not to say that every blog is meant for heavy hitting posts a few times a month.  Certainly the world of blogging would get quite boring if every place we landed tried to feed us a few thousand words in a sitting.  This is what I love about blogging and Internet content in general.  We can go from one place that gave us an inspiring snippet of encouragement, to another that teaches us an important new skill and then to yet another that makes us lol so hard that we can’t help but tweet about it.  It’s all essential stuff and all apart of a wonderfully complete blogging experience.

Final Thoughts

I guess what I’m finding as I’m typing these words, is that my time is limiting, but my experience is richening.  I’m working harder than ever, but on projects that matter to me and with new family members that constantly make me smile.

The Internet has been good to me.  It has allowed me to work at home and watch every minute of my sons first moments while assisting my wonderful wife as she cares for him.  It has brought the world to my fingertips and me to the world.  It has introduced me to an amazing community and allowed me to gain new friends and enjoy their loving support.

Thanks for taking these moments to catch up on my latest life experiences and I hope you maybe even took away a tip or two.  Either way, I just wanted to thank all who have been so supportive over these stressful and tiring weeks and just let you know that I won’t forget it.

’till my next post (or a little shoulder tap on Twitter )…

Eric

P.S. You’re always welcome to follow me on Twitter, but if you’re interested keeping up with Liz and her exciting new adventure, be sure to give her a follow as well.

Tyson Wesley Hamm

If you’ve followed my writing over the months you may already know about our miscarriage back in March of ’08.  If not, you can read about it on zenhabits.  But we DID finally get pregnant again and Liz is due on May 22nd.  But today we were blessed to finally find out the babies gender.  It’s a BOY!!!

Now let me start by saying that we kind of had a preference, a girl, but only just slightly.  In the end we just want a healthy, happy child.  I think it’s just that my side of the family is riddled with boys so we knew it was inevitable.  But now were really excited about the whole idea.  Yay us!

But I didn’t want to just mention this exciting news, I wanted to use this as an opportunity to talk about something I have NO experience with, but hope to share my insight none the less.  This whole thing got me thinking…

What are the dangers that lie ahead?

More specifically, I wanted to talk about the danger of expectations.  Because the instant I heard it was a boy, I thought to myself, “Awesome, he’s going to be just like ______ and we can _______ together and he’ll be good at _______.”  You get my point.  I instantly started painting a picture of what I thought he was going to be like.  Actually, a picture that I HOPED he was going to be like.  But this can be a dangerous path to take.  Expectation, if not met with perfection, only leads to disappointment.

I’ve seen it happen with many other families.  One or both of the parents have all kinds of expectations before the child is even old enough to show promise or direction.  Then suddenly it turns out the child had a personality that completely clashes with that of the parent/parents.  Let’s say the father is into sports and the son wants nothing to do with it.  Or the mother is a complete extrovert who likes to socialize and the daughter is a total introvert and just wants to spend time by herself.

This is completely natural, but I would think that the proper mindset could help the parents avoid the danger of a failed relationship.  It seems to me that we should be careful to stay open to our child’s personality and perspective on life and never try and fit them into a mold.  The goal is not to love having a mini version of yourself, but to love this completely unique individual that you have been blessed with.  To look for what you HAVE been given, not what you should be or were meant to be given.

OK, so I’m a total rookie here and you can totally take this all with a grain of salt.  I’m sure that the second this thing pops out I’ll be running around with dirty diapers and yelling, “WHAT HAVE I DONE!!!!!”  But until then, I want to at least SOUND like I have a clue.

That is all for today…

It is often not until we see those last days approaching that we realize the urgency of the now.

Recently I wrote a post about my dad and I going to football games and the bonding that took place.  It was called ‘Unsaid Words’ and I talked about how we never really got too specific with our feelings for each other, but that we knew we loved each other and that was enough.  But the fact was, knowing that I only had a few months left with him made me realize all of the things that I DID want to tell him.  And not those subtle, “Good to see you!” kind of comments, but deeper expressions of the heart.

The other day I was going through some old Word documents on my laptop when I came across this letter I’m about to share with you.  It was written soon after I found out my dad had terminal cancer and that he only had a few months to live.  Being a shock to all of us (he was only 55), I suddenly felt the sands of time falling at a much faster pace.  That distant land of ‘Some Day’ was right in front of me and I was forced to face a fact of life that we are never prepared for.  In light of all this I felt a spring of thoughts and emotions pouring out from my heart that HAD to be communicated to my dad before he departed from my life.

It was then that I wrote this letter and gave it to him on Christmas day of 2003:

Hey Dad,

How are you doing? I’m sure you are still really tired and weak. I know the radiation has really taken its toll. I know that it has been hard for you to think as clearly as you’d like so I didn’t want to talk your ear off. But ever since I found out you had cancer I have wanted to express to you all my inner most feelings regarding who you are to me.

First of all, even though you already know this, I just wanted to say that I love you with all of my heart. You have been everything I ever needed in a father and have taught me, with words and actions, how to be the kind of husband God intended us to be. I know that because of you I am and will be that kind of husband to Liz and will be, I hope, a great father and role model to my kids. You have taught me how to be steady in my ways and not run at the first sign of discomfort. You have shown me how to submit to my wife and still be the head of the relationship. You have helped me learn patience and persistence in everything and how to succeed in business and in life. You’ve given me a passion for UVA sports, which I plan on passing on to my kids. I have not only enjoyed our time together at the football games, but have appreciated the fact that you were willing to share those experiences with me just like your dad did with you.

I am crying right now, as I type these words. But not with sorrow, but with joy. Because I am SO happy that God has blessed me with a father like you and that I get to pass on all these blessings to my family. I know for a fact that every single human being who has ever been blessed enough to have the privilege to know you has been better off because of it. So you can see why it makes me so happy to have you as my father and a friend.

Now I know this might seem over the top to you, or maybe it doesn’t. But the fact of the matter is that it is all true and you are all these things to me a so much more! And I just wanted you to know this and be able to appreciate how God has molded you into the wonderful human being that you are today. And so when you meet Him face to face, whether soon or much later, you can thank Him like I do in my prayers every single day of my life.

So to finish just as I started, I love you so very much! And I know you are in God’s hands as you have always been. And I know He will take care of you just like He always has. But now you can see how He has blessed me through you. You have passed on God’s love to me so I can pass that same love on to my family. So I guess what I am trying to say is THANK YOU!

So why am I sharing this with you? I guess for one, I’ve already mentioned my father a few times on this blog and felt this was a great way to sum up my feelings for this man who had a tremendously positive affect on my life.  But the other reason is to hopefully encourage you to pick up the phone or a pencil and tell your loved ones what you REALLY think about them before it’s too late.  The fact is, my dad could have died in a car accident or of a stroke and I never would have had the chance.

Just be careful with the time you have.  We often feel our future will never make it’s inevitable transition into the present.  We all agree that life is short, but very few live by that fact.

Let me start by saying that I’m a BIG promoter of following your goals and dreams.  Just not in the way that our kids are taught.

The other day, while working on a client’s computer in their home, the TV was blaring in the background with their child plopped down on the floor, mesmerized with viewing pleasure.  I couldn’t help but notice the song that was being sung by a man with a guitar and a funny looking hat.  Surrounding him were a bunch of children rocking to the rhythm of his acoustic instrument.

I can’t recite the words verbatim, but I remember the message quite clearly.  It was the same content that comes from many other children’s stations and something that Liz and I like to call ‘The great lie of Disney‘.  It was the message that, “You can be whatever you want to be when you grow up.  All you have to do is try REALLY hard.”

Now some of you may be thinking, “What the heck is wrong with that?  Why not encourage kids to shoot for the stars?”  Hey, I’m all for pursuing our dreams.  If you’ve read enough of my past posts you’ll know how I think we SHOULD shoot for the stars.  But to constantly fill our kid’s heads with this ‘less than truthful’ catch phrase is just not right.

Why do I think this is a lie?

Let’s start with a little bit of an extreme analogy:

• Hey little boy, what do you want to be when you grow up?  “I want to be a fighter pilot for the Airforce!”  That’s great, just make sure to work real hard and you can be whatever you want to be.  Oh, what’s that, you’re color blind?  Sorry, but you can’t be a pilot.  But I’m sure they’d let you scrub the decks of the aircraft carrier if you work REAL hard!

OK, so this may be a little harsh, but the fact is, it’s one of many REAL analogies.  I’m sure we could think of some that were a little less extreme, but the point would still be clear; we CAN’T do/be ANYTHING we want to be.  It’s just not a REAL concept.

Woe now, wait a second here.  Am I hearing this right?  Is the author of “Motivate Thyself” actually pushing the idea that we CAN’T?  Doesn’t that go against your code of ethics or something?

What makes kids different?

When I am writing a post on “Motivate Thyself” and I talk about the idea that we CAN, I am ‘preaching’ the concept to an adult audience.  We all know that there are limitations to everything and that it is more about ‘not giving up’ than it is about conquering the world.  Sure, I truly believe that we can accomplish much more than we ever thought possible and that it is our fears, insecurities and sometimes even laziness that hold us back, not our limitations.  But this idea is often ingested much differently by children.

As a child, you are much more prone to literal belief than you are as an adult.  Your future is wide open, so being an astronaut seems just as plausible as being a school teacher.  So to fill a child’s mind with a concept that is completely prone to providing disappointment more than persistence, is just plain wrong.  If you build a vision in their minds that doesn’t allow for a possible failure, and that shows no need for a plan B or even C and D, you are doing them a disservice.  This concept is setting our kids up with only one explanation for their failures; YOU DIDN’T TRY HARD ENOUGH!

OK smart guy, what do YOU think we should teach our kids?

This is certainly a tough question to answer and one that I can only hope to give insight.  If you know me, you might also be thinking about the fact that I don’t even have kids.  We have one on the way, but none that are running around, creating havoc; not yet at least.   But I’ve been one before and have looked after many in my family.  Let’s just say that many of you are much more the experts here, but I think my thoughts are sound, none the less.

I don’t believe the message should be, “You can be ANYTHING!”, but instead, “You can be MANY THINGS!” The message shouldn’t be based on the idea of ‘one perfect profession’ that is yours for the taking, but on the fact that there are so many wonderful adventures to be had, that your future is bright.  That you will fail on occasion and that some things may always be just out of reach, but to never give up, and keep your pursuits on the many passions that present themselves.  We should be singing songs of opportunities, yes.  But, no, we shouldn’t chant with cheers of a perfect career that embodies all our visions of our future.

What do YOU think the song should be?

How should our kids be encouraged?  Should they be told they can be anything they want to be?  Is this false hope or just the right kind of encouragement they need to shoot for the stars and make the most of their futures?

AND if you enjoyed this content, please share it with others!

Mom and Scott

This past weekend was a special time for my family as my mom ‘became one’ with the new love of her life.

My mom and dad had been married for 33 years before he passed away at 55 years of age.  It was quite sudden and quite certainly devastating.  But this event effected no one more than my mom.

Just starting phase 3…

The first part of our lives consist of being born and getting through puberty.  Then we transition to marriage and kids.  And all of this is followed by the empty nest stage which I just referred to as phase 3.  It is in this stage where a whole new chapter is about to unfold.  You have the joy of children without the responsibility, the freedom of adulthood with much more maturity and appreciation for life.  You’ve earned your stripes and you’re ready to make some new memories, just you and your best friend.  It has the potential to be a pretty amazing time in your life.

It was in the early stages of this ‘phase’ when hope was shattered and many hearts were broken.

I remember it like it was yesterday (a common phrase, but accurate none the less).  The sun was shining and all was well in my mind.  I walked into their home as I often did.  But as I passed by the den, I saw my dad sitting on the couch with an awful look of anguish.  Having no idea what was going on, I walked over and said, “You don’t look like you’re feeling so good?”  In his commonly simple reaction, he forced a grin and said, “Nope.”

Other than the fact that my dad almost never got sick, I had no reason to think much of it.  So I walked into the kitchen to find my mom in a state of deep concern.  This is when I started to worry.  “What’s going on?”, I asked her.  “Your father has been vomiting and the doctors don’t know why.”  In an attempt to help her relax I said, “Oh, he’ll be fine.  I’m sure it’s nothing.”  I left soon after, not thinking the worst, but fighting some anxiety none the less.

The wall came crumbling down.

Later that night or that week (I’m not sure which) I received a call that now represents a pivotal moment in my life.  It was from my mom and she was crying.  She didn’t have to say anything for me to know that our world was about to be turned upside down.  “Eric, your father has brain cancer.”  (This later turned out to be skin cancer that had spread all throughout his body.)  Suddenly all of the air in my lungs disappeared and was no where to be found.  I was almost numb, but could feel the rush of sorrow off in the distance.  It was coming at me like a tidal wave and all I could do was brace myself.  It was in that moment that I experienced the awful feeling of losing a loved one while they were still alive.

Saying goodbye.

It’s quite an odd experience knowing the end is near.  We were unsure of the exact date, but we knew it would be measured in months.

Soon after they had started treatment we found ourselves celebrating Christmas.  Dad looked like he had aged 30 years in only 3 weeks.  We sat around the Christmas tree, trying to enjoy the moment.  But the joy of the season was no where to be found.

As the weeks went by we just spent as much time with him as we could.  They had him on medications that gave him quite an appetite, so my mom made him wonderful meals with ingredients of love and affection.  My dad’s spirits were high as he was fully aware of his likely departure.

Super Bowl Sunday came and we were all geared up for the event.  Mom had splurged on a new wide screen tv and my best friend, Nigel, had brought fresh Bar-B-Que from home.  We had a great time as we lived in the moment, as if tomorrow had not yet been invented.

Shortly there after, dad had fallen into a coma.  Many from our church were over and prayer was the topic of the day.  While they gathered in the living room, I went to say goodbye.  The room was dark and my dad was propped up in his bed.  Each breath was a struggle as his body was slowly shutting down.  Unsure if he could hear my words, I pressed on with my farewell.  Holding his hand with mine, I fought my tears as I opened my heart, “Dad, it’s me, your son.”  The words that followed shall remain in their rightful place, between a ‘boy and his father’.  But I can tell you that he meant the world to me, and I said just as much with my tears as I did with my lips.

The domino effect.

Following my father’s death, my mom was left with much to attend to and, unfortunately, many more losses to come.

My father was the third generation in his family to own and run our local furniture store.  And while he was sick, things went south.  This, combined with a tough business to begin with, resulted in the inevitable closure of over 75 years in business.  Then, to help quell the financial woes, my mom had to sell her house.  And in the process of all this, she had to put down her otherwise healthy cat of 10 years because of an aggressive streak that followed my dad’s death.  (It was as if he was mad at the world that his buddy had been taken away.)  Needless to say, my mother had been pushed well beyond her breaking point.

Brokenness.

The fews years that followed were filled with struggles of all kinds.  From addiction to counseling and medications, it was all my mom could do to put the pieces back together.  There were many times where she just didn’t want to go on.  And it seemed to be an eternity before the tunnel she was in allowed anything other than total darkness.  But it was only in her brokenness that hope could find it’s way back into her life.  It was when she stopped trying to ‘cope’ that she was able to let go of these shattered pieces and hold on to the only thing she knew to be real.

It was as she re-connected to her faith in Christ and let Him lead the way, that she was released from the grips of sorrow that held her so tight.

A new best friend that brought more than friendship.

About a year or so ago my mom and Scott crossed paths for the first time.  Working in similar fields, they couldn’t help but share a few words now and again.  But over the weeks and months that followed, a friendship ensued.  And with a natural progression, a deep love followed with marriage as the inevitable consequence.

So this brings us to this weekend, where mom and Scott were ‘brought together in holy matrimony’.  It was a wonderful, simple wedding that was everything we could have hoped for.  We celebrated afterwords at their home as I slowly absorbed the idea of having a father once again.  Not that Scott could ever replace my dad, but I don’t resist the idea of creating new friendships and new memories with a new father.  He is worthy of the task and I am thankful for his presence in our lives.

Another 33 years.

So here we are, at the beginning of a new chapter.  My mom is happy once again as she has a new soul to share her heart with.  A piece of our family was lost, but a new one has been added.  The scar will always be a visible mark of our sorrow, but it has healed in a way that allows for new growth.

My hope for this new couple is that they can enjoy each and every second allowed them, as they march ahead with the sun rising in the distance.  The years to follow are uncertain, a truth that has always existed.  But with every new day comes hope, and with every ounce of hope comes an opportunity for life to be lived to it’s fullest potential.  I see great things ahead of these two souls, if only that of love between two friends.

Some of my fondest memories with my dad involved hot pretzels and a cold bench seat.

Come fall, my dad and I would watch every home game that our local college football team had to offer.  On game day he’d show up at my door like a little kid waiting for his parents to awake on Christmas morning.  He’d try and act all serious as he’d talk about how we ‘needed to get going’.  And yet he couldn’t hide his childish grin, even behind his red mustache.

The ride to the game was filled with the sounds of pregame gossip coming from the radio.  We’d hurry to find a place to park and then start our journey to the stadium.  As we walked, the crowds grew larger and the excitement multiplied.  Finally reaching the gates, we were ready to enter with our game faces on.

While the pigskin continuously changed sides, my dad and I cheered and booed with the best of them.  Most of our verbal communication consisted of, “Did you see that catch?!” or, “I can’t believe they fumbled!?!”  The depth of our words barely broke the surface as we chanted the school song after every touchdown.

Then after the game, we made our way back to the car and listened to the post game show up until the time we arrived back at my house.  Finishing off the night we said our goodbyes; “Thanks for taking me to the game, dad.”  “No problem.”  “See you later.”  “Bye.”

Throughout the course of the day our words were either shallow or non existent.  But it was our unsaid communication that filled in the gaps.

Connecting on a deeper level.

Many people feel that you can’t truly bond with another human being without deep conversation.  That somehow certain words can encapsulate true connection better than mutual life experience.  My dad and I had very few deep conversations.  It wasn’t until he was dying that we even spoke about something like death.  But even before then, we were best of friends and shared a strong bond.  We didn’t need to talk about serious things to understand the others’ depth and passion for life.

It was in sharing something like a football game that we found time and opportunity to connect on a deeper level.  On the outside we were focused on the action, but deep down we had our arms around each other, just enjoying the moment.  I knew he loved me and he knew I loved him.  That’s all that mattered and together we enjoyed the day.

Our world is becoming more competitive each and every day.  Just to stay afloat, let alone succeed, takes hard work and dedication.  But all too often our families, the ones who love us the most, get neglected because we may get too caught up in this race to success.  So I just wanted to touch on some ways to help you keep your family the number one focus in your life.

1: Make sure they are clear part of your vision for the future.

I talk a lot about painting a picture of your dreams that you may have a clear destination to help keep your moving forward.  It’s very important that your family be a significant part of this image.  If they end up getting lost in the whole process you might just end up living your dreams all by yourself.

2: Do at least one specific thing for them each and every day.

Nothing speaks louder than action.  Take time out of every day to serve your family in a way that is selfless, caring and that allows them to see that you love them.  Not only does this strengthen your relationship but it consistently reminds you of what’s truly important in life.

3: Try not to turn down too many offers.

It’s very easy, as we get busier with our work, to spend all our time on projects and meeting deadlines.  And in light of this we will often turn down requests from our loved ones to spend time with them.  Whether it’s our kids or our spouse or just a good friend, try not to reject them too much.  Even if it’s important work, nothing is too important than nourchering these precious relationships.

4: Keep some pictures near by.

Humans are very visual creatures.  The visions we put in our heads have a tendency to stick much more than the words we read or hear.  This is why we have paintings and posters on our walls.  So it is very important that we keep images of the ones we love in plain sight at all times.  Whether a photo on your desk or a picture on the wall, keep your family in plain sight and they will be much more likely to stay in the forefront of your mind.

5: Take time off.

I’m not just talking about a day or two but time enough to really unwind and spend some quality time with your family.  We can only have but so many experiences with our families in our day to day routines.  But it is through real quality time that we find ourselves growing closer to these loved ones and really appreciating what we have.  So always make it a priority to have time with your family where you are not working but instead putting all your attention on them and they on you.  By the way, I could have said, “Take a vacation” but I didn’t for a particular reason.  The common “Vacation” these days tends to be filled with overspending, over indulging and just too much stress of it’s own.  Where do you think the phrase, “I need a vacation from my vacation” came from?  Time off should be time away from those regular responsibilities.  It needs to be done in such a way that you can not only relax but focus all your attention on the important things that you may be too often distracted from.

6: Help them reach their goals.

Stay in tune to what they want to accomplish in their daily lives and help them reach those goals.  Nothing says “I love you” like a helping hand.  Make a concerted effort to encourage them in their journey.  And when they are lacking in resources and/or motivation, make sure to be there to meet their needs.  Once again, this not only helps your relationship grow but it keeps your families importance at the forefront of your mind.

7: Make your family a prominent part of your routine.

Routines are important because they help use accomplish our goals by staying on task.  But if our families are not a core part of those routines they will be left on the sidelines as you tackle each day.  We often times think that we’ve included them by the fact that we are around them everyday as we pursue our goals.  But this is not enough.  We must make sure to specify time that we spend just with them.  Time that our minds are focused solely on them.  Where distraction is non existent and they are the only ones that we see, hear or touch.  It is through these regular, personal interactions that we will grow closer and remain dedicated to one another.

8: Take every opportunity to make them feel special.

It’s very important that your loved ones feel as though they truly matter to you.  So take every opportunity to convince them of this.  Every holiday, every birthday, even days you make up; use these days as a way to show them how special they really are.  Not only to you but the world around them.  Not only will this help your relationship with them get stronger but you will be boosting their self esteem and reminding them that they matter in this world.

These are just some simple things your can do to keep these loved ones in that number one slot in your life.  Reaching your goals and realizing your dreams is what this site is all about.  But if you loose those things that are most important in the process, what’s the point?

Let me know how YOU find ways to nurcher your relationships.