How To Be Happy
Image courtesy of Gio-S.p.o.t.s.
Before I decided to tackle this particular post I first had to do some introspective thinking. Before I felt qualified to talk about how to be happy I had to pre-qualify my own heart and mind. Am I happy? Do I really have insight that is worthy of the title, ‘How To Be Happy’? Is there even a universal formula or is this something that each individual has to determine for themselves?
A Beautiful Summer Afternoon
A few summers ago I spent a lot of time with some flying buddies at our local RC airfield. Our weekends were spent flying our radio control aircraft, soaring our gliders through the clouds and just shooting the breeze about whatever came across our relaxed minds. One particularly pretty summer afternoon I made a comment that I really didn’t see how I could be more relaxed and satisfied with my weekend. That no amount of money could make my life any happier. I had a wife who loved me, a roof over my head and great friends to share my interests with. It was then that one of the guys I was with chimed in and shared an article he had recently read about how to be happy. It talked about how we as humans have a certain value level that once met, our satisfaction with life stops increasing substantially. In other words, once we make enough money to meet our basic needs and then just a bit more for general recreation, we stop gaining happiness and can even start losing this satisfaction with life as we continue to gain monetary worth.
I started to chew on this concept and it really hit home with me. I couldn’t help but relate to this idea that in order to be happy we have to achieve the right balance in our lives. I hear this word thrown around a lot these days, but alone it can raise more questions that it answers. To know how to be happy we can’t just tout the idea of a balanced life, we need to properly define it and live it to enjoy its benefits.
How To Be Happy? It’s ALL about balance!
Having family and friends around that love you is certainly a necessity when it comes to happiness, but what if you never had time to actually enjoy their company? What if I allowed myself to always be so busy and consumed with work that I never enjoyed those beautiful summer days with my friends? Those are the memories that last, those are the experiences that go down in our own personal history as happy events.
I believe that most healthy human beings have a fairly strong base of family and friends surrounding them. That part of the equation is often times already in place. It’s our unbalanced work lives that keep us from taking advantage of these gold mines of satisfaction. Our constant striving for something MORE, pining after the mirage of great wealth and the fake happiness that follows. We want to know how to be happy and yet often times we never let go of the idea that more money is the answer.
The Joy Stealer
The other day I got one of those many emails telling me of a new Twitter follower. So I clicked into Twitter to check it out. It turned out to be a marketer and I couldn’t help but laugh at the logo he had on his Twitter home page. It was a cartoon image of himself in a suit, lounging in a hammock (between two palm trees) in a tropical paradise, sipping on one of those drinks with a tiny umbrella in it, next to a laptop that was spitting out mass amounts of cold, hard cash. I instantly started to chuckle. I thought to myself, “What a crock!”
As the Internet continues to BOOM, we are bombarded by these enticing images at an increasing rate. “Make money while you sleep! I made $50,000 in just ONE WEEK and YOU CAN TOO!!!” It’s easy to blow this stuff off, but just like ads on TV, they eventually have a subconscious effect on our sense of satisfaction with our current lifestyle. One minute we feel content and the next we start thinking, “I want to make money while I sleep!” Next thing we know we’re pining away, day after day, in search of that pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Our spouse starts to hear the phrase, “I don’t have time!” over and over again, to the point that they become numb to it. And we continue down this road by convincing ourselves that once we MAKE IT they will understand. That we’re putting in the extra work NOW so later on we can be that guy in the hammock and our spouse will be right there with us, happy that we made the RIGHT decision. But what are the chances that you’re actually going to crack the code? And how much of your life will you have to sacrifice to find out?
The Exception To The Rule
If you want to know how to be happy you have to be very cautious when it comes to the exception to the rule. It is with these exceptions that pyramid schemes are built, that everyday human beings are convinced to take great risk with their time and money. Think about it. How many times have you been sold some lofty idea with the story of an exception. You know what I’m talking about; “If yo don’t think it’s possible, just look at So-And-So. He/she did such-and-such and now they are living in a big house, driving a big, expensive car and the money just keeps rolling in!”
My point is that just because something is possible doesn’t mean we should attempt to achieve it. We need to be careful not to gamble with our lives. You have to look at the odds. If this So-And-So person did it, how many others failed at the same time? Many of these ‘opportunities’ that come our way have such daunting odds that they will ever truly benefit our lives that to pursue them is like plopping yourself down at the craps table and hoping to pay off your house by the end of the night. It’s POSSIBLE, but not likely.
Let Your Conscience Lead The Way
I mentioned earlier that balance was a word that we hear a lot these days. Well, I find that VALUES is one we see less and less. Our values, those things that our consciences try to spell out for us, are a key part of our joy and satisfaction with life. When we live in-line with our values, we enjoy a great peace of mind that comes from knowing that we are living for what is right, not just what feels good at the moment. We enjoy the sense of stability that comes from a life guided by GOOD, not just FUN. It’s easy to lose sight of our values as we get caught up in this mad rush for great success that many of us get sucked into, but the minute we’re willing to plug back into our barometer of right and wrong, we’re quickly reminded of the value of our values.
Part of living in light of our values, we must never lose sight of one of the key ingredients of how to be happy; helping OTHERS be happy. Selfishness is a parasite to happiness. If we want to be happy we must spread the wealth. We must seek others joy as much as our own. Not only is this the RIGHT thing to do, but it is built into our value DNA. Without this necessary mindset we stand to lose out on the satisfaction that comes with sharing our emotional wealth. Make someone else happy and you too shall be happy.
We Need To Have A Purpose
One of the great things that work does for us is give us purpose. I don’t know about you, but a weekend that fallows a busy week of work is ALWAYS more satisfying than one that follows a lazy week of worthless existence. As much as we often complain of our need to work, this purpose is often our invisible gift as it provides reason to wake in the morning.
Our families are also a purpose we should always appreciate. As Liz nears her due date, I feel the increasing pressure of heightened purpose as a child will soon be relying on my ability to provide.
Finally, our faith. I’m not hear to preach, but I am hear to speak on behalf of my own personal experience. As a Christian, I am given purpose as I fallow the Lord. Without this, my life loses meaning.
Final Thoughts
Let me clear one thing up. This is NOT an anti-success or anti-wealth post. These are just my observations of myself and those around me when it comes to wealth, the pursuit of wealth and all around satisfaction with life. In attempting to answer the question, ‘How To Be Happy’, I am only able to share from my own experiences. I don’t tout myself to be the expert, just someone who has seen many sides of the spectrum and found what’s worked for me and what has seemed to work for others.
Happiness, when defined as true joy and satisfaction with life (not just feeling good in the moment), requires the combination of positive human interaction combined with a balanced, purpose filled lifestyle, all the while remaining true to ones values. If we can do this, while steering clear of the obstacles mentioned above, we should not only enjoy our lives, but find those around us enjoying thier lives as well.
Eric
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You nailed it in three sentences:
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Selfishness is a parasite to happiness. If we want to be happy we must spread the wealth. We must seek others joy as much as our own.
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What you call wealth, I call value. Cliche, but it works as a synonym. If something I write, say, or do makes you pause, reflect, and act, then that can only be a happy moment.
Ari Herzog’s last blog post..Are You Among the 76% Adding Value Online?
Nice one, Eric!
Two questions for you: if there was a shop full of things money can’t buy, what would you get? And what’s stopping you from cutting out the middle man and getting you some of that – or MORE of that – now?!
@Ari: I find a lot of joy and satisfaction in reading and writing and I completely agree that value can be added to ones life through our verbiage. I don’t think that’s cliche at all.
@janice: To your first question: More free time with Liz. And I when I say free, I mean free of stress and worry about money, the future, etc…
And to your second question: The main thing stopping me right now is (or shall I say WAS) my over-reaching habits. I was taking on too much and not just focusing on those things that bring the greatest VALUE (as Ari pointed out) to my life.
What about you, Janice? Eric
An antidote to anxiety – I suffer from it terribly. Downside of being very present and having really keen senses. I often pick up on stuff that others are unaware of. Writing’s both a cure and a passion and coaching’s been great for channeling my intuition positively so getting my blog up would make a lot of sense!
I’d also get a truckload of the ‘clean and clear’ feeling you get when you do a MASSIVE declutter. There’s a ton more, but I won’t bore you!
Eric,
One thing is for sure the guru’s want everyone’s money, know every trick in the book (and more) to get you to pull out your credit card and buy the latest and the greatest.
They will even put their bank statements on their website’s and a zillion testimonials to prove it. But look for the disclaimer and they tell you there is no guarantee.
I personally had two friends who went over $150,000 in debt with their credit cards buying program after program at seminars trying to get rich. I said HAD because they have so much shame and embarrasement over it they dropped me as their friend.
No they didn’t know each other. So how many hundreds are there listening to the hype at the expensive seminars going in debt trying to find that one niche or secret and lose what’s really important in the end? Way to many…
Also the person I took Internet Marketing from is about 250 lbs overweight because he is addicted to his millions and his computer. He doesn’t even leave the house anymore. Hey but he successful as an Internet Marketer!
Tess The Bold Life’s last blog post..Magic Mondays with Eric Hamm
@janice: I go in and out of light bouts of anxiety, mostly brought on by either lack of sleep or my own insecurities. So I can relate. Anxiety is no fun at all.
And YES, I DO love that feeling you get after you’ve rid yourself of unnecessary junk. Thanks for being so open, Janice. Eric
For me as long as I remember to live in the moment, I’m happy. The instant I start sliding into the future and doing things now for some hoped-for later then I drain away my happiness.
Alex Fayle | Someday Syndrome’s last blog post..Getting off the couch: Introducing Lab Rat Brett
The two simple elements of happiness: positive thoughts and positive emotions.
If you think about what happiness really is, you’ll see that it means enjoying the moment and being grateful about what you already have. The only way to achieve that is to be positive.
I try to make each day count by being happy.
So when I wake up, I ask myself “What do I want?”. I start thinking about things I want to achieve today and how great my day will be. I visualize it and feel the great emotions. It’s all about feeling good and blocking out negative thoughts and emotions by concentrating on what you want, not what you don’t.
Dimitar Nikolov’s last blog post..When The Past Haunts You
Awesome Post!
When we live in-line with our values, we enjoy a great peace of mind that comes from knowing that we are living for what is right, not just what feels good at the moment. We enjoy the sense of stability that comes from a life guided by GOOD, not just FUN.
How true!
Plus with a clear conscience… you certainly have a better sleep at night
@Alex: Living in the present is absolutely crucial, no doubt about it!
@Dimitar: I didn’t mention positive thinking and this is certainly a key ingredient, so thanks for the insight.
@Lyne: Thanks, Lyne. When I was writing about living inline with your values I was thinking about sleep and how a clear conscience is so very important to a good night sleep. Great minds…great minds!
Eric
Hi Eric,
I have done a lot of research on the psychology of happiness. Research has shown that beyond making $40,000 a year (or its equivalent in other countries) we dont get much happier. Research also shows that having MORE options makes us LESS happy. We are better off limiting our options because somehow our brain is wired to appreciate them more.
I think you have a lot of great wisdom and insight into this matter. I was a bit skeptical if you could do this subject justice too, but I think you really hit it on the head. Your point about making others happy has a lot of truth to it. Funny thing is I was just thinking today about how I couldnt be happy because one of my coworkers wasnt happy. Funny how that works but its true.
And having a purpose is very important as well. Life has little meaning until you assign some purpose, no matter how small, to it.
Cheers,
Jeremy
Jeremy Day’s last blog post..The curse of being good at something you don’t enjoy
I use to think it was all a matter of balance but recently I have changed my mind it is more a matter of harmony.
Cheers
Bunny got Blog’s last blog post..Follow Your Gut, Your Brain Will Do The Rest
Hi Eric,
I had read books that said that happiness does not equals to the amount of money we have which I totally agree. I had seen people who are frustrated and angry about their life when they are poor and there are also the same people who are frustrated and angry even when they are rich. This shows that happiness does not equals to how much we have, instead it is a matter of mindset.
Cheers
Vincent
Personal Development Blogger
Vincent’s last blog post..15 Valuable Lessons We Can Learn From World Champions
Eric, this is just a lovely post.
@Vincent
Giving too much attention to money will only stress you out. The problem is that money’s never enough once you start wanting more.
That’s why I try to focus more on the things that money can’t buy – mostly friendships and personal development.
Dimitar Nikolov’s last blog post..10 Tips For Living A Simple Life
@Tess: I keep digging you out of my spam folder, Tess. Maybe one day Akismet will believe you’re not spam.
I really like your point. You hit it from both sides. On the one hand you’ve got those going broke as they frantically run after a LONG SHOT and the on the other hand you have someone who HAD made it and yet is just as bad off. Overweight and obsessed, many online successes have little to show, other than the money itself.
@Jeremy: That was IT! $40,000. I was trying to remember the number my friend told me. You hit it on the head, as there has been a lot of research showing similar findings. But we don’t need research to tell us what we already know, right?!
@Bunny: Very interesting perspective. Could you elaborate? I’d love to hear your thoughts.
@Vincent: Exactly, Vincent! For the most part, it’s about mindset, not wealth.
@Hayden: Thanks, Hayden! Sometimes the shortest comments have the most to say.
@Dimitar: Another great point! Eric
So true, for me the most important thing you talk about here is the purpose. We need a long term goal, something that allows us to be passionate and happy.
Exactly! If we fail to focus on the big picture we’re doomed to live meaningless lives. Eric
So good to read your blog,thankyou for you thoughts,all helpful for everyone,and congratulations on your upcoming birth! xxx Janice
Thanks, Janice! Eric
A good trick to appreciating what you have to add happiness is using the power of small. Stop to reflect at the end of each day, write down 5 positives/accomplishments. It’s a great reminder of what you have to enjoy!
Thanks for sharing this excellent insight!
Eric
Eric–I enjoyed the post. I think balance is what we all need to strive for, but hard to accomplish.
Jeremy– I would love to see some of that research about more options making us less happy. That is a theory that I have had for a while and would love to read about what others have found.
ali
http://www.motivatedmama.net
Ali’s last blog post..Zen and the Art of Eating Ice Cream