Image courtesy of Melody Campbell
I’m a selfish person. There’s no denying it. I think about myself all the time. I think this is human nature, but the degree of selfishness varies based on the person and their current situation. We certainly have a choice to be less selfish, but some choose differently than others.
Lately I’ve been quite busy. Between blogging, consulting, family, etc… my mind sometimes turns to mush with to-dos and attention grabbers of all kinds. As a result, I find myself less and less attentive to others needs. I might attend to the ‘absolutely HAVE-TOs’, but I’ve been neglecting those ‘little things’ that really aren’t that little.
Reading between the lines.
In a conversation with a friend, it was brought to my attention that something they had sent out to a group of friends/colleagues had receive zero response. It wasn’t a major event or anything, but an announcement that could have at least received a simple, “Good luck!” As I though back on this very conversation I realized that I had been one of those individuals. Even though he was talking to me about ‘them’, I myself was just as guilty. I didn’t even take the two seconds to give a “Good luck!’
Those closest often receive the most neglect.
Isn’t it interesting how it’s those individuals who are closest to us that often times receive the least attention and consideration. Maybe not always, but when life picks up steam and we get stretched beyond our abilities, it is often times our spouse and/or best friend who gets the short end of our attention stick. Maybe we feel more comfortable letting them down than we do a stranger or maybe we just think, “They’ll understand. They know what I’m going through right now. That other person does not, so I better address them first.”
The true value of the little things.
Noticing the details of an individual shows them that you are truly paying attention. Anybody can nod their head in agreement, but it is only when they return with their own take on your words that you know they’re engaged. Liz will sometimes ask me how she looks. Most of the time she hears me say, “You look fine.” But it is only when I address the details in my response that her eyes light up with appreciation and a feeling of connection.
Why it’s so hard.
As I mentioned before, life has a way of grabbing our attention and never letting go. The instant one thing disappears from our focus, another is there to fill its spot. If we let it, distraction will take over every second of our conscious thought.
On top of this, timing isn’t always ideal. We are often right in the thick of things when a loved one needs addressing. This is where priorities have to take precedence. This is where our skill of thought transition needs to come into its own. Otherwise, we need to stop for a moment, address our inability to give the required attention, but then MAKE SURE to address it as soon as possible. Otherwise it will just go into that ever increasing mass of, “I’ll get to it later.” The later that never comes.
Learn to identify the little things.
We need to become experts at identifying those precious little things. Much of what pines for our attention can be completely disregarded, but these little things become victims of our mindlessness if we aren’t aware of their presence. If we can see these things when they are right in front of our face, then address their needs without hesitation, we will be light years ahead of most. Nurturing our relationships can be hard to do when busyness rears it’s ugly head, but it is ALWAYS our responsibility to notice those little things, no matter how much our we have on our plate.
This was written from me to me, but I hope you got something out of it as well.
Hi Eric,
I found that normally it is the relationship or health that suffer when we neglect the little things in life. Sometime we tend to focus on one aspect of our life and that is when we start to neglect on other parts of our life. It will be great if we add relationship building into our weekly list of to do items to constantly remind ourselves to take notice of the little things in life.
Cheers
Vincent
Personal Development Blogger
Vincent’s last blog post..The Power Of Creating Value
Little things do make such a big difference. I know I always feel great when I get an message from someone I care about but there are times I think I’m just to busy to respond. I think everyone goes through that. We shouldn’t use that as an excuse though. We should definately try to address the little things, as you say.
Frances’s last blog post..Resolution Sets
The stuff written to me from me is some of the best ink I’ve ever spilled. Great post Eric, you’re 100%. I’ve been so busy lately I’ve not been the fully attentive father and husband that I know I must be. The shift has made me uncomfortable and I am doing what I can to recapture my balance. Fortunately, my team is filled with excellent members who soften my burden.
Writer Dad’s last blog post..New Dad, New Dad
I’ve tried recently to do more of just stopping to listen and pay attention or to stop and take care of whatever she needs — instead of continuing on to deal with what I am focused on. Even though I really have no need to be, I think I’m just as fully wound up with doing things as a lot of other people online and some times I just.. need.. to.. back.. off.. a.. bit…
Mike Goad’s last blog post..The Sun Has Lost Its Spots
This is great Eric. It will get tougher when your little one is born. So I encourage you to keep balance in your life.
Tess Marshall’s last blog post..What Was Your Biggest Insight In January 2009?
As Tess says, it will get harder with kids.
A big part of my satisfaction in life comes from knowing that I have made small differences in people’s lives – so I try to be there for people and even if it is ultimately for my own sake, I do know that I am genuine about it.
Sometimes, all the little things i do feel like a waste of time, but I do know that when things get really hard for me, people have helped me out immensely and I can never forget that – so I always try to be there for the people I care about/respect.
Sometimes, I do ignore my husband though
so this is a good reminder
Maya’s last blog post..The One Hundred: A Guide to Pieces Every Happy and Balanced Soul Must Embrace: Simplicity
Eric, a lot of what you said is something I’ve been pondering a lot recently.
There seems to be a disparity between what motivates us and what truly makes us happy. I myself am constantly finding that I am oftentimes motivated by fear or money, but neither of those really brings me happiness in life. What makes me happy are meaningful relationships, helping others, and creating stuff that people enjoy. Shouldn’t THESE be my motivators?
I’m definitely going to write a post on this idea. Thanks for the creative push!
Wow, I feel like I am reading about what I am writing about. My post for Friday is about how through observation you can resolve conflict…I am doing a series about nonviolent communications and compassionate communications.
I am a person who notices the smallest of details and I have one child who is the same. I am also a preventative person and that saves me so many times.
I am also depressed tonight – which is anger against myself so am sorting that conflict out piece by piece – it is a slow go – but I am worth it…I must be writing selfish comments too or negative or something…I am getting very interesting comments back – or none right now, which adds an insecurity to my details…
Hmmm, very interesting and thoughtful piece thank you for sharing
Patricia’s last blog post..I Needs
@Vincent: You make a good point here. It’s when we get pulled in one specific direction that other areas of our lives get let down.
@Frances: I know what you mean. It’s those ‘too busy’ moments that we need to take a deep breath and then attend to what’s important. Even if it feels ‘in the way’.
@Sean: You’ve got kids so you’re in whole other kind of busy than I am. My hat’s off to you.
@Mike: HERE, HERE, Mike! Well said! I’m totally a part of the group you just described.
@Tess: I know, I know. You don’t have to remind me.
@Maya: I can definitely see that in you. Both in your posts on your blogs as well as in other interaction. You definitely seem to live what you preach. YOU GO GIRL!!!
@Gdub: You know what they say about great minds?!
@Patricia: Thanks and I’m sorry you’ve been feeling down, Patricia. Hang in there!
Eric
Noticing or taking care of the little things does make all the difference. Especially to the people who we’re closest too. The little things are the building blocks to greater things…the foundation.
Gennaro’s last blog post..6 Steps To A Lucky Chinese New Year
My boyfriend is someone who pays attention to actions, while I pay attention to words. When I get busy, I forget to do things and those details hurt. But when I remember to pay attention and to do things in anticipation or based on one or two casually mentioned words, I’m rewarded with the biggest outpouring of love you could imagine.
Alex Fayle | Someday Syndrome’s last blog post..Get out of that hole: Someday-busting lessons from Take That
Eric, you’re better at the small things than you might think… sometimes its the things we do that WE don’t even recognize. You’ll recall that I just recently launched a new blog… in my excitement I sent contacts out to over 70 other bloggers seeking their support… I received all of 4 replys and only 1 was decidedly positive – yours. For that, Thanks!
Do You Dave Ramsey?’s last blog post..True Love Is…
@Gennaro: Well said.
@Alex: A great example of exactly what I’m talking about.
@Do You Dave Ramsey: Thanks for sharing that with me. It helps to know when you actually make a positive impact on someone. It also encourages you to be more mindful for future opportunities.
I hope the best for your new blog. Shoot me an email if you need anything. Eric
My uncle was very very sick as a little boy. His mother was an excellent cook and John loved desserts. This was early 20th Century – out on a farm; no refrigeration; no freezer. Each night, she would cut a piece of cake or pie and put it in a covered crock and set it on the cupboard telling him that when he was well, he could eat it. He recovered; but of course, when she opened the crock, it was a mass of mold. He was crestfallen. She said, “That’s alright, John. I will bake your favorite dessert and you can eat it all yourself.” And she did. And when he was over 90 years old, he remembered.