Image courtesy of Harned Saber
It is often not until we see those last days approaching that we realize the urgency of the now.
Recently I wrote a post about my dad and I going to football games and the bonding that took place. It was called ‘Unsaid Words’ and I talked about how we never really got too specific with our feelings for each other, but that we knew we loved each other and that was enough. But the fact was, knowing that I only had a few months left with him made me realize all of the things that I DID want to tell him. And not those subtle, “Good to see you!” kind of comments, but deeper expressions of the heart.
The other day I was going through some old Word documents on my laptop when I came across this letter I’m about to share with you. It was written soon after I found out my dad had terminal cancer and that he only had a few months to live. Being a shock to all of us (he was only 55), I suddenly felt the sands of time falling at a much faster pace. That distant land of ‘Some Day’ was right in front of me and I was forced to face a fact of life that we are never prepared for. In light of all this I felt a spring of thoughts and emotions pouring out from my heart that HAD to be communicated to my dad before he departed from my life.
It was then that I wrote this letter and gave it to him on Christmas day of 2003:
Hey Dad,
How are you doing? I’m sure you are still really tired and weak. I know the radiation has really taken its toll. I know that it has been hard for you to think as clearly as you’d like so I didn’t want to talk your ear off. But ever since I found out you had cancer I have wanted to express to you all my inner most feelings regarding who you are to me.
First of all, even though you already know this, I just wanted to say that I love you with all of my heart. You have been everything I ever needed in a father and have taught me, with words and actions, how to be the kind of husband God intended us to be. I know that because of you I am and will be that kind of husband to Liz and will be, I hope, a great father and role model to my kids. You have taught me how to be steady in my ways and not run at the first sign of discomfort. You have shown me how to submit to my wife and still be the head of the relationship. You have helped me learn patience and persistence in everything and how to succeed in business and in life. You’ve given me a passion for UVA sports, which I plan on passing on to my kids. I have not only enjoyed our time together at the football games, but have appreciated the fact that you were willing to share those experiences with me just like your dad did with you.
I am crying right now, as I type these words. But not with sorrow, but with joy. Because I am SO happy that God has blessed me with a father like you and that I get to pass on all these blessings to my family. I know for a fact that every single human being who has ever been blessed enough to have the privilege to know you has been better off because of it. So you can see why it makes me so happy to have you as my father and a friend.
Now I know this might seem over the top to you, or maybe it doesn’t. But the fact of the matter is that it is all true and you are all these things to me a so much more! And I just wanted you to know this and be able to appreciate how God has molded you into the wonderful human being that you are today. And so when you meet Him face to face, whether soon or much later, you can thank Him like I do in my prayers every single day of my life.
So to finish just as I started, I love you so very much! And I know you are in God’s hands as you have always been. And I know He will take care of you just like He always has. But now you can see how He has blessed me through you. You have passed on God’s love to me so I can pass that same love on to my family. So I guess what I am trying to say is THANK YOU!
So why am I sharing this with you? I guess for one, I’ve already mentioned my father a few times on this blog and felt this was a great way to sum up my feelings for this man who had a tremendously positive affect on my life. But the other reason is to hopefully encourage you to pick up the phone or a pencil and tell your loved ones what you REALLY think about them before it’s too late. The fact is, my dad could have died in a car accident or of a stroke and I never would have had the chance.
Just be careful with the time you have. We often feel our future will never make it’s inevitable transition into the present. We all agree that life is short, but very few live by that fact.
Eric,
Thank you so much for sharing that letter with us. It is so inspiring. It is all too easy for us to take our loved ones for granted, when they could be taken away at any time.
I am glad that you got to express how you felt about your dad before he passed on. I am sorry that he had to die at such a young age. My dad is 55 right now.
Thanks for the reminder. I have got some people I NEED to talk to. Take care, Eric.
- Jack Rugile
Simple Sapien
Simple Sapien´s last blog post..I’ve Been Tagged! 6 Random Things About Me
Eric,
I had a similar situation loosing my mother to cancer a few years back. I’m sure this personal example will resonate with a lot of people, thanks for sharing.
Too often in life we find ourselves being put in to action reactively to events that have happened. One of my favourite phrases is “You could be hit by a bus tomorrow” (like your car accident example) – morbid though that may be we should live life each day to the fullest.
Every day is both the first day of the rest of your life, and possibly the last. Find the balance of that phrase, realise what is important in life and you’ll find it is not the possession we have, but the relationships, experiences and interactions of life that make it truly worth living.
Powerful stuff Eric, apologies for the rambling comment but it’s does get you thinking!
Chris
Chris´s last blog post..What will you do today?
Your post title caught my eye and wow.. this post was very touching and an good eye-opener.
Shamelle -EnhanceLife´s last blog post..Are You Constantly At The Mercy Of Circumstances?
Thanks Eric, that took a lot of guts to post such a personal letter. I was really inspired by your post. Not just because of the amazing feelings and sentiments that the letter describe, but because you are in a place where you are not ashamed to throw it out for the rest of the world to read.
It’s helped me to reflect on my Dad.. My God… My Family.. My life.
Be blessed.
-Ross
Ross´s last blog post..So you’ve heard it all before? Part 3: Destiny
Gee whiz golly wow. Thank you for showing us something so raw. Inspiring, Eric. Thanks.
Writer Dad´s last blog post..Writer Dad in Rough Draft
Hey Eric,
Thanks for sharing with us. Life is really too short for regrets and we should really live life to the fullest and appreciate people around us. Most of us take things for granted (I am guilty of it too), but your post had really make us realize the importance of cherishing what we have now.
Once again, thanks for this inspiring post.
Regards,
Vincent
Personal Development Blogger
Vincent´s last blog post..What Everyone Ought To Know About Renewing Yourself
Eric, one of the things I admire about you and you’re writing is that you are not afraid to share deeply personal thoughts and memories. You tie these experiences to powerful, motivational topics that continually amaze and inspire me. Thank you for the gift that this blog is and keep doing what you do.
Eric,
Thanks for sharing the letter of love. You are a shining example of how important it is to express ourselves in all of our relationships.
Tess Marshall´s last blog post..Forgiveness: A Bold Choice for A Loving Heart
You know, this week I’ve really been hit hard by how quickly life can change and things can just be lost in a heartbeat.
You may have seen some tweets by me floating around about my (ex)brother-in-law who is 35 (my age) and suffered from a bleeding brain aneurysm on Monday. They think he will be fine, but one second he’s fine, the next..turmoil. That along with this post was almost a bit much. You’ve left me with a feeling of…not sadness..but maybe teary excitement for wanting to tell folks just how much they mean to me.
I really appreciate you opening your life envelope and sharing with us. Takes courage to do something like this.
Isn’t it nice to know just how many folks are right here for ya?
Scott´s last blog post..This Is What Happened To Me Today
Hi Eric,
This is really emotionally moving stuff. I recently had to deal with the death of my grandma. It was very hard for me because she was my last surviving grandparent. She survived just long enough to see my sister give birth. My niece was my grandma’s first great granddaughter. It was an amazing experience. And my grandma was the only grandparent I had the chance to say specifically how much I loved her and cared about her. It moves me now even thinking about it.
Thank you for sharing these very personal thoughts. I think a lot of people can relate.
Cheers,
Jeremy
Jeremy Day´s last blog post..Stumble Upon Redux: Proper Categories & Tags
Eric
Spending time with my family and expressing my love for them is at the top of my list. I still don’t get as much time as I want, but at least I won’t have regrets later or feel that I’ve not expressed the words in my heart. We are never promised the next moment so I’m doing my best to make the most of the time I have one moment at a time. I enjoy spending time with my mom, sister, brother and daughters – they’re a lot of fun.
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@Jack: “I am sorry that he had to die at such a young age. My dad is 55 right now.”
I know, it makes you think, doesn’t it?!
@Chris: Sorry about your mom.
Not a rambling comment at all. Excellent insight!
@Shamelle: I’m glad you connected with it.
@Ross: I was happy to post it! It was actually quite therapeutic to layout it out for the world to see. I just appreciate all the positive and encouraging comments. Thanks!
@Sean: Definitely RAW! I’m glad you felt it inspiring.
@Vincent: “Life is really too short for regrets and we should really live life to the fullest and appreciate people around us.”
Well said!
@Neil: Wow, Neil! Thanks so much for the kind words. That really means a lot, coming from you!
@Scott: There’s no doubt that life is a roller coaster ride of joy and sadness, fear and peace. It sounds like you’ve had a touch time of it, but are growing because you’re paying attention and learning from these events. Keep it up!
@Jeremy: I’m sorry to hear about your grandma. I can see you had a close relationship with her. Thanks for sharing this!
@Kathy: It sounds like you’ve got your priorities straight! Good for you!
Eric.
How wonderful that you were able to share your letter with your father before his passing. My father would not talk about things he called “emotional” so we all knew he was dying of cancer but he wanted to know what we were planning on doing with our lives. The one thing he wanted for me was for me to marry my honey – which I did for him. I have had a good life and a good relationship, but I will not ask that of my children – ever.
My father believed so strongly in education and learning and he influenced so many lives – especially of gifted and special needs kids that it is sometimes to overwhelming to think about.
Then there is the death of my mother – a 3 year adventure of understanding ,but not a lot of discussion until close to the end, when her care was 24/7 and just down the hall. I said “I love you” everyday and every opportunity, but only once or twice did she say so….but she asked me what I truly believed about what I understood happened after death….and when I shared with her what others believe and then what I believed, she said she thought what I believed was the right one for her. That was a moment of connection I will hold in my heart as dear.
She gave me two compliments in my life – once when in high school she said, ” You have the most beautiful singing voice I have ever heard.” and during her last three years she said, “you are one of the best parents I have ever encountered in my life” ( She taught first grade for 32 years and Sunday School)
The sun has set for my parents…I wish them well on their next journey…but I focus on my children and family now
Thank you for this lovely sharing piece of your heart.
Patricia´s last blog post..Is It All About Food?
Hi Eric
Thank you for sharing. It is wonderful that you open up like this.
It touches me greatly as I have a friend who was recently diagnosed with cancer.
Juliet
LifeMadeGreat | Juliet´s last blog post..Overcoming The Barriers of Introversion: Introduction
Thanks for sharing! Your example illustrates exactly why I’m so passionate about getting rid of the word someday from people’s vocabulary.
Far too many people thing they have all the time in the world and so put off what they really want to do.
Hopefully people will see this post as the butt-kicking they need.
Alex Fayle | Someday Syndrome´s last blog post..Fear, Unique Pathways & Self-Awareness: Lessons from the Lab-Rats
@Patricia: It sounds like you had a similar relationship with your father that my mom had with hers. She always told me how she always had such high expectations, but sharing true emotion just wasn’t allowed. It really had an impact on her life (mostly negative), but he was, at least in some ways, a good father to her. He was a college professor so education was of utmost importance.
I’m glad you were able to share those two moments of emotional connection with your mom. That might not sound like much to some, but I’m sure it meant everything to you.
@Juliet: I’m SO sorry to hear about your friend. I hope the best for them!
@Alex: I’m glad you connected with the post. There’s no doubt that your blog promotes that idea. Thanks for sharing!
And excellent interview with Leo, by the way. I thoroughly enjoyed it! Eric.
A bittersweet sentiment that will stir everyone’s heart. A loss no matter what age is a gap we need to fill with happiness, gratitude and blessing. We would not be here if it had not been for the best part of our parents coming together to create us. Whether our childhood was good or sad, we are guaranteed a new day to make it count and the chance to create our own clan to call our family and do it in the spirit that was modeled for us, make it better, and most of all design it the way we believe is the best. I am proud to make a better world with you Eric and I am thankful your Father gave you gifts to share with all of us. Thank you for keeping his spirit alive. The butterflies are flying freely in California on this sunny December day. Our Mia always tells me it is my mom visiting. Today we add your father to the list when we see a pretty orange blossom flitting freely through the hot pink /pistashio hydrangeas.
Be well and happy weekend,
Cindy
@Cindy: Beautifully voiced! Thanks for sharing your sentiment and describing the benefits of life, regardless of our pasts. To the butterflies and the blooms that blossom!
Eric.
Very touching letter.
It’s obvious to me that your gifts are much to the thanks of the direction your father instilled in you. His legacy has clearly impacted you, and lives on in you.
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@Bamboo Forest: Thanks, man! That means a lot. Eric.
You did it again, Eric – I love the letter you wrote to your Dad. You’re so right. Years ago my mother died of a massive heart attack, I did not have a chance to say goodbye as I lived in another state. Fortunately we communicated often on the phone and never failed to say “I love you”.
Thanks for reminding others how loved ones can leave us in the blink of an eye. It’s the people in our lives that are truly important.
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@Barbara: I’m so glad you and your mother were close. I’m this way with my mom as well. If she were to pass in an instant, though it would be hard, I would never feel like I never said I love you. This is SO important! Thanks for sharing, Barbara. Eric.