Raise Your Energy By Zapping Tolerations
Image courtesy of Jeffrey Beall
EDITOR’S NOTE: This is a guest post by Tess Marshall of The Bold Life.
What do a messy desk, an overcrowded inbox and a “know-it-all” friend have in common?
They are examples of tolerations or situations we put up with or don’t do anything about. Tolerations can be irritating things, minor inconveniences, our own behavior and the behavior of others. They deplete our energy, waste our time and dampen our spirits.
The following are examples and suggestions of tolerations and how to eliminate them.
People Tolerations
We all have one or two family members or friends who arrive late for appointments or cancel at the last minute. If this becomes a habit we can request timeliness rather than become irritated or complain to others.
My running partner Meg and I used to meet at the park every morning. She was always ten to fifteen minutes late. For six months my resentment grew and when I finally told her how I felt I overreacted.
It’s important that we communicate our needs with gentleness and compassion. Relationships are all about communication. I was right in requesting Meg to change her behavior. I was wrong to wait six months, build resentment and overreact.
In the past it has helped me to write down and practice what I want to communicate in difficult situations. Today I teach clients to do the same. It’s easier to remain focused and on track without allowing emotions to interfere.
Communication is more about listening than talking. When I put myself in another’s shoes I become more compassionate and understanding.
Health Tolerations
It’s easy to eat too much junk food, skip exercise and gain weight. This is one way we tolerate our own unhealthy behavior. With discipline, support and commitment we have the power to make healthy changes.
I quit smoking when I was twenty seven. I couldn’t tolerate being out of breath, the smell on my clothes or the taste in my mouth. I also didn’t want to be a bad example for my small daughters.
I began running on an inside track at the university nearby. For six months I ran daily adding another lap weekly. I finally entered my first 10K and finished dead last. However my husband and girls cheered as if I won first place. Because I take 100% responsibility for my health, today remain at my high school weight.
The Economy
The American Psychological Association’s 2007, “Stress in America” survey reports money and work are two of the biggest sources of stress for almost 75% of Americans.
In 2008 our economic times have only gotten worse. We don’t have to dwell on the constant negativity of the media. Instead we can focus on what is right with our lives and maintain positive attitudes.
When my neighbor Bill lost his job and home, depression and anxiety overwhelmed him. His girlfriend convinced him to seek out professional help. Bill currently has a plan for finding new employment and managing his stress.
Everyone needs help some time, when life becomes unmanageable ask for support from your friends, family or a professional. There’s no need to tolerate intense emotional pain.
It’s important to remember we are not alone; everyone is experiencing the same anxieties around economic issues. It’s important for all of us to manage our income and take care of our physical and mental health.
Work Tolerations
I find it expensive to build an online business due to how quickly technology changes and my need to keep up. I recently switched to a less expensive shopping cart and also canceled a membership site I was involved in.
I could have taken this step sooner however I procrastinated and continued to pay the monthly bills. My self talk went something like this, “I need to cancel this, I keep forgetting, I’ll do it tomorrow.”
Ask yourself what expenses you can eliminate in your business. Do we really need one more set of DVDs, a workshop or teleseminar? Reflect on your business expenses. Refuse to be taken in by the next biggest secret or get rich quick scheme.
Another toleration I have is my messy and unorganized office. My self talk goes something like this, “I’ve always been this way, creative people are unorganized or if I straighten up it just happens again.”
It keeps my business from progressing. It’s also self sabotage. My plan is to take a before and after picture of it and post it on my blog. A public commitment is about the only thing I haven’t tried.
It is also important to create a list of priorities in order to avoid wasting time on unimportant tasks. As you finish, cross each task off the list and add what’s left to tomorrow’s list. It’s a discipline that will eliminate procrastination and lead to success.
Other work tolerations can be distractions such as obsessively checking emails, playing solitaire, too much time on Twitter or Facebook. When we become aware of work habits that don’t serve us well and make the necessary changes our profits will increase.
Personal Tolerations
In the dessert of Arizona my car easily becomes dusty. I have regular time and date to maintain it. Doing this allows my environment to be energy giving vs. energy draining.
Because I was one of ten children growing up I had one pair of shoes and hand me down clothes. Today I have more clothes and shoes than I need.
I recently decided I wouldn’t purchase new clothes for a year and would then reevaluate.
I’m determined to wear my clothes until they wear out rather than when I tire of them. It has been three months and I have no desire to go shopping. My new motto is “less is more.”
Home Tolerations
Our fast paced world leaves little time for home projects and repairs. Drawers or doors that stick, leaky pipes or faucets and piles of mail, magazines and papers deplete time and energy if not addressed.
We recently finished cleaning our closets and garage. As we simplify the contents in our home it becomes easier to maintain. Living with less allows us more energy for hobbies, fun and play.
Empower yourself by taking a personal inventory, creating a list of your tolerations to clean out, weed out or replace in every area of your life: home, personal, friends, family, work and money.
Eliminate them one at a time. You don’t have to eliminate everything at once. You may want to delegate or hire help for bigger projects. The goal is to have a clean and organized home and office space, good relationships with family, co-workers and friends and little or no debt.
Some tolerations will be easy to eliminate. For example, schedule a day to take care of your recycling. Get in the habit of immediately putting away what you use in the kitchen. Clean your desk at the end of every workday.
Other tolerations will be long-term projects. If you have a bad back you may need regular appointments with a chiropractor. If you choose to leave a relationship you may need the support of a therapist or life coach. The gift of letting go of a person who no longer fits our life style is that we make room for someone new.
There are three basic steps: awareness, commitment and action. The benefits of hitting the delete button on tolerances are many. You’ll raise your standard of living and become more effective, focused and balanced.
Life is good when we keep it simple. Life is good when we surround ourselves with people who support us. Life is good when we live and work in a tolerance free living space.
If you enjoyed this post, you can find more great insight by Tess at her blog The Bold Life.
28 Responses to “Raise Your Energy By Zapping Tolerations”
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Interesting post! I find it the most difficult to keep my home the way I want it. There are so many things to do and cleaning my home just doesn’t seem to be the most important one.
Isn’t this a nice contradiction: Prefering to write another article on productivity while your desk is a mess and you know you’ll feel better (and maybe more productive) when things would be cleaned up?
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Awesome post! I’m in the process of doing this now for home and work, only I never really put any words on it. Toleration is a good one and this is very motivating to keep going.
Emma´s last blog post..Mule testicles, leeches, infanticide and wild carrot…
@Tess – I don’t have anything to add, and I probably shouldn’t even leave a comment, but I felt I have to say, Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! I love the personal examples and the results of your applying your own steps. As Emma said, this IS very motivating. Awareness, got that. It’s the other 2 that I’m lacking. I hope this is the swift kick to get me going with commitment and action.
@Eric – There is a reason your up there on my list. Most of the articles that I read from here, I take with me throughout the day. Some quickly applied, some looking for that extra kick. “Motivate Thyself?” you betcha.
Scott´s last blog post..Spiritual Thoughts: Who Gave Me My Faith?
Your three steps “awareness, commitment and action” are wonderfully simple and articulate. All three are required move forward in a healthy way. Thank you for sharing this.
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Hugo
Cleaning my home isn’t no. 1 either. Everyone few weeks I invite people over and that motivates me!
As far as my desk being a mess…it’s clean today as my duaghter and her friend are flying in from Atlanta! Again gotta keep those guests coming!
Emma,
Toleration is a catagory involved with coaching. Five years ago it was new to me as well. I’m glad I could help.
Scott,
You’re welcome! Instead of swift kicks I prefer a gentle nudge. Remember little steps are better than no steps in the right direction. Thanks for leaving your comments!
Neil,
You’re very welcome. Eric has a way of bringing out the best in my writing. His words, “It’s better to make it ‘just right’ than to prematurely press publish.
The Bold Life´s last blog post..How To Put Joy & Simplicity Into The Holiday Season
Hey guys, thanks for being so welcoming to Tess and adding such great thought to the discussion!
@Scott: Wow! I don’t think I could have received a better compliment than that. I really do try to be mindful of content that makes its way onto these pages so I really appreciate your vote of confidence. I’m glad “Motivate Thyself” has been such an asset to your personal development!
Eric.
I feel motivated. Great ideas!!!!!
Thank you Tess. I started off 2008 with a major cleaning out of my condo and garage… it needs it again. I’m with you less is more!
As far as my desk… if it’s a total mess I find myself preoccupied with the mess so it’s relatively clean most of the time.
Friends – hum I needed to read what you had to say… I’ve been feeling a bit guilty as of late because I have really cut back with some of my friends who seem to create chaos wherever they go… I will no longer do guilt and do what’s working for me!
I admire you dedication to exercise… it’s been very hit and miss for me. I’ll definately put this on my priority list.
Much love to you and Roger…
Very useful advice as usual Tess. Simplify, simplify, simplify, I know who said that……I like to add to it with, “oh and when to say yes and mean it and when to say no and stick to it.
I appreciate your insight and ideas. What a true inspiration you are. ‘Your girls’ are lucky to have you! I am thankful I was led to read this today…. & Maybe the stacks on my counter will diminish!
It’s easy to relate to your examples of certain ‘tolerations’ in my life. This article helps me to take a second look and try to change those things that I can. Thanks for the inspiration. I can see how limiting those things I ‘tolerate’ will increase the time I have for thingsI really want to do.
Tess, your message is simple and effective as is your new way of living…love it. Great reminder of how to take action.
This was fantastic! It was straight to the point with really helpful information. I have the messyest office in the word! & now I am motivated to do something about it. Tess your wonderful! I look forward to MORE!
Chuck, I’m glad I could help!
Roshelle, I’m lucky to have those girls! Oh and check out the container store for your counter stacks:)
Barry, Glad I can help you free up your time for fun things. Sailing maybe?
Karla,
Thanks for the compliment!
CJ, Let me know how you’re office turns out. You’re the best…
Tess Marshall´s last blog post..How To Put Joy & Simplicity Into The Holiday Season
Amy, Yes simplifying always works. It leaves us with the most important things. By the way do you have my voice in your head?
Kris, It’s amazing what we collect in one year isn’t it? With our very small home in AZ it’s impossible to bring anything in that we don’t need. The best thing we ever did was sell our big home and downsize. It has left us with time to hike and golf in AZ! Love back at you from Roger and me.
Tess Marshall´s last blog post..Forgiveness: A Bold Choice for A Loving Heart
Tess, what an appropriate topic for today given the moral of our economy. I am already thinking of tolerations that I need to free myself from to re-awaken my spirit, energy, and life! How exciting!!!Thank you for sharing your wisdom…
Kristy´s last blog post..How To Put Joy & Simplicity Into The Holiday Season
Just what I needed to hear! Will keep these thoughts and tips in mind as I move forward with eliminating the tolerations that I allow in my life. As I read your blog, many things came to mind that I need to eliminate or deal with in my life. I need to go write them down! Thanks!
I cannot believe this. I read the first paragraphy and it sounded like they were talking about me. What an inspiring article, keep up the great work. And that picutre is my desk! Thanks I need this
Thanks Tess!
Fabulous article, particularly the section on personal health tolerations, you’ve just made me aware of how much I my life is impacted by that one.
I’d just like to share what has helped my husband and I keep our home generally tidy and clutter free. He is a minimalist so he doesn’t have the issue as much as I do as I seem to attract junk everywhere I go (finding stuff on the street, bargains to good to pass up at goodwill stores, being given things..you get the picture).
Now I’m a bit of a self confessed shopaholic, something I have been working on in myself for some years to get over as I don’t want to “want stuff”anymore. I also come from a family of resourceful people who are money savvy when it comes to finding bargains and also at generating money from buying/selling and making things. I’m now using this “flaw” to generate an income to more positively impact my life rather than create debt and clutter. I also purchase a lot secondhand and pre-loved so I’m staying in the recycling loop rather than using up more natural resources by buying new. We are about to have our first child and have purchased 95% of the items required for a baby second hand.
Five years ago we started doing two major clean ups a year at home by going through EVERY drawer and cupboard in our home, offices & garage and making two piles- 1: sell on eBay, and 2: give to charity/goodwill. We auction off everything that is of considerable value and donate everything else (for example, we won’t auction items that will only fetch a few dollars). We don’t buy anything until we have sold something, so one item in, one item goes out. We have to date sold approximately $40,000 in office goods and photographic equipment (I am a photographer and my husband was in e-commerce for a while), approximately $30,000 in stuff from our homes including furniture, electronics we didn’t need, designer clothes and accessories we decided weren’t us anymore, got rid of dvds & cds that were taking up space on the bookshelf and our second car that was costing us registration/maintenance etc.
With these extra funds we were able to pay for a small modest wedding, things for our home that we needed and put money into down-payment for our small house. Sure it was a lot of work but the major motivator for us has been viewing the exercise as a part time job that has been immensely rewarding as we know our things are going to other homes rather than land fill, going back into our community to provide funds for charity, that we can “right some wrongs” for having bought things we clearly didn’t need and in some cases make money that can go to much better use in our lives and create fewer tolerations.
I know several people who have adopted our method for keeping their desires for stuff and at the same time keeping their living spaces and offices tidy and clutter free. I hope this helps.
Tess~
Another interesting and inspiring read. My desk is a mess and I’m working on it. Procrastinating is a real energy zapper and it creates stress in my life. Currently taking Dale Carnegie course and that is helping as well with being a better listener as you too have suggested.
Housekeeping……………not a priority. But I am working on the organization issue and actually feel an incredible sense of accomplishment when I complete a task that has been haunting me for far too long. It’s amazing the things we hang on to for no apparent reason. In today’s economy, many could use those things that are just taking up space.
Health tolerances………..I keep saying I need to focus on this department. If I’m not in tip top condition……..I really can’t be as effective at home, at work or at play. Thank you for reminding me.
Saw Cheryl and Roe recently………..said we need another girl’s getaway. Have a blessed holiday season.
Patti
Tess is a treasure-trove of gems of wisdom — simple, do-able, inspiring and energizing. Dip in!
Thanks for the insight! Less is almost always more.
Kristy,
There’s no doubt in my mind you’ll do these things!
Dana,
Writing things down is an excellent idea. When you do it makes it real and seals the deal.
Donna,
Glad I could help you with your desk!
Millie,
You’re welcome!
Tonya,
Thanks for sharing your personal story. You’re on the right path and good for you for inspiring those around you. About your health…now that you’re aware, commit and get going! You’ll be glad you did. My health is always in the top 4 on my gratitude list.
Patti,
Let me know when the getaway is I can fly free on South West!
Also make 2009 the year to get healthy!
Carol,
Nice words…thanks for making me smile!
Stephene,
You’re welcome! Happy Holidays.
Tess Marshall´s last blog post..Forgiveness: A Bold Choice for A Loving Heart
Tess, I just got up, sitting here wondering where in the world should I start. Sooooooo, I open your email, WHAT A WAY TO START A DAY. I feel that I am not alone in my mess.
Toleration is a new word in my vocabulary, thanks for bring it to me, I practice it everyday. You are a very special person, I look forward for your next book. I have read Flying By the Seat of your Pants over and over.
Happy – Blessed Holidays to you, Roger, and family.
Clutter–mental and physical–is much more of a problem than people acknowledge. A whole industry has grown up around helping people with this problem. Thanks for sharing your own issues.
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