Before I decided to tackle this particular post I first had to do some introspective thinking.  Before I felt qualified to talk about how to be happy I had to pre-qualify my own heart and mind.  Am I happy?  Do I really have insight that is worthy of the title, ‘How To Be Happy’?  Is there even a universal formula or is this something that each individual has to determine for themselves?

A Beautiful Summer Afternoon

A few summers ago I spent a lot of time with some flying buddies at our local RC airfield.  Our weekends were spent flying our radio control aircraft, soaring our gliders through the clouds and just shooting the breeze about whatever came across our relaxed minds.  One particularly pretty summer afternoon I made a comment that I really didn’t see how I could be more relaxed and satisfied with my weekend.  That no amount of money could make my life any happier.  I had a wife who loved me, a roof over my head and great friends to share my interests with.  It was then that one of the guys I was with chimed in and shared an article he had recently read about how to be happy.  It talked about how we as humans have a certain value level that once met, our satisfaction with life stops increasing substantially.  In other words, once we make enough money to meet our basic needs and then just a bit more for general recreation, we stop gaining happiness and can even start losing this satisfaction with life as we continue to gain monetary worth.

I started to chew on this concept and it really hit home with me.  I couldn’t help but relate to this idea that in order to be happy we have to achieve the right balance in our lives.  I hear this word thrown around a lot these days, but alone it can raise more questions that it answers.  To know how to be happy we can’t just tout the idea of a balanced life, we need to properly define it and live it to enjoy its benefits.

How To Be Happy?  It’s ALL about balance!

Having family and friends around that love you is certainly a necessity when it comes to happiness, but what if you never had time to actually enjoy their company?  What if I allowed myself to always be so busy and consumed with work that I never enjoyed those beautiful summer days with my friends?  Those are the memories that last, those are the experiences that go down in our own personal history as happy events.

I believe that most healthy human beings have a fairly strong base of family and friends surrounding them. That part of the equation is often times already in place.  It’s our unbalanced work lives that keep us from taking advantage of these gold mines of satisfaction.  Our constant striving for something MORE, pining after the mirage of great wealth and the fake happiness that follows.  We want to know how to be happy and yet often times we never let go of the idea that more money is the answer.

The Joy Stealer

The other day I got one of those many emails telling me of a new Twitter follower.  So I clicked into Twitter to check it out.  It turned out to be a marketer and I couldn’t help but laugh at the logo he had on his Twitter home page.  It was a cartoon image of himself in a suit, lounging in a hammock (between two palm trees) in a tropical paradise, sipping on one of those drinks with a tiny umbrella in it, next to a laptop that was spitting out mass amounts of cold, hard cash.  I instantly started to chuckle.  I thought to myself, “What a crock!”

As the Internet continues to BOOM, we are bombarded by these enticing images at an increasing rate.  “Make money while you sleep!  I made $50,000 in just ONE WEEK and YOU CAN TOO!!!”  It’s easy to blow this stuff off, but just like ads on TV, they eventually have a subconscious effect on our sense of satisfaction with our current lifestyle.  One minute we feel content and the next we start thinking, “I want to make money while I sleep!”  Next thing we know we’re pining away, day after day, in search of that pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.  Our spouse starts to hear the phrase, “I don’t have time!” over and over again, to the point that they become numb to it.  And we continue down this road by convincing ourselves that once we MAKE IT they will understand.  That we’re putting in the extra work NOW so later on we can be that guy in the hammock and our spouse will be right there with us, happy that we made the RIGHT decision.  But what are the chances that you’re actually going to crack the code?  And how much of your life will you have to sacrifice to find out?

The Exception To The Rule

If you want to know how to be happy you have to be very cautious when it comes to the exception to the rule.  It is with these exceptions that pyramid schemes are built, that everyday human beings are convinced to take great risk with their time and money.  Think about it.  How many times have you been sold some lofty idea with the story of an exception.  You know what I’m talking about; “If yo don’t think it’s possible, just look at So-And-So.  He/she did such-and-such and now they are living in a big house, driving a big, expensive car and the money just keeps rolling in!”

My point is that just because something is possible doesn’t mean we should attempt to achieve it.  We need to be careful not to gamble with our lives.  You have to look at the odds.  If this So-And-So person did it, how many others failed at the same time?  Many of these ‘opportunities’ that come our way have such daunting odds that they will ever truly benefit our lives that to pursue them is like plopping yourself down at the craps table and hoping to pay off your house by the end of the night.  It’s POSSIBLE, but not likely.

Let Your Conscience Lead The Way

I mentioned earlier that balance was a word that we hear a lot these days.  Well, I find that VALUES is one we see less and less.  Our values, those things that our consciences try to spell out for us, are a key part of our joy and satisfaction with life.  When we live in-line with our values, we enjoy a great peace of mind that comes from knowing that we are living for what is right, not just what feels good at the moment.  We enjoy the sense of stability that comes from a life guided by GOOD, not just FUN.  It’s easy to lose sight of our values as we get caught up in this mad rush for great success that many of us get sucked into, but the minute we’re willing to plug back into our barometer of right and wrong, we’re quickly reminded of the value of our values.

Part of living in light of our values, we must never lose sight of one of the key ingredients of how to be happy; helping OTHERS be happy. Selfishness is a parasite to happiness.  If we want to be happy we must spread the wealth.  We must seek others joy as much as our own.  Not only is this the RIGHT thing to do, but it is built into our value DNA.  Without this necessary mindset we stand to lose out on the satisfaction that comes with sharing our emotional wealth.  Make someone else happy and you too shall be happy.

We Need To Have A Purpose

One of the great things that work does for us is give us purpose.  I don’t know about you, but a weekend that fallows a busy week of work is ALWAYS more satisfying than one that follows a lazy week of worthless existence.  As much as we often complain of our need to work, this purpose is often our invisible gift as it provides reason to wake in the morning.

Our families are also a purpose we should always appreciate.  As Liz nears her due date, I feel the increasing pressure of heightened purpose as a child will soon be relying on my ability to provide.

Finally, our faith.  I’m not hear to preach, but I am hear to speak on behalf of my own personal experience.  As a Christian, I am given purpose as I fallow the Lord.  Without this, my life loses meaning.

Final Thoughts

Let me clear one thing up.  This is NOT an anti-success or anti-wealth post.  These are just my observations of myself and those around me when it comes to wealth, the pursuit of wealth and all around satisfaction with life.  In attempting to answer the question, ‘How To Be Happy’, I am only able to share from my own experiences.  I don’t tout myself to be the expert, just someone who has seen many sides of the spectrum and found what’s worked for me and what has seemed to work for others.

Happiness, when defined as true joy and satisfaction with life (not just feeling good in the moment), requires the combination of positive human interaction combined with a balanced, purpose filled lifestyle, all the while remaining true to ones values.  If we can do this, while steering clear of the obstacles mentioned above, we should not only enjoy our lives, but find those around us enjoying thier lives as well.

Eric