How do you categorize something with the title ‘How To Be Successful’?  Do you file it under ‘Goals’?  I mean, success is all about accomplishment, right?  Or maybe you should put it under ‘Health’.  Good health, to many, is a number one priority in life.  What about ‘Relationships’?  Doesn’t a strong relationship make for a better life?

As we set out to define how to be successful and touch on what I believe makes for a successful human being, we have to keep in mind that success is truly in the eye of the beholder.  So it’s not about a specific prize, a ‘holy grail’ if you will, but the ability to successfully pursue those things in your life that bring you the greatest purpose and satisfaction.

Meet Bill

Bill is a forty something entrepreneur from Chicago, raised in a fairly average home, with average parents and an average lifestyle.  Bill did OK in school and even made it halfway through college.  After two years of hitting the books hard, Bill decided that school had played its part in his life and it was time to move on.  So at the expense of his parents peace of mind, Bill dropped out and started looking for work.

Fast forward by about 20 years and you will see Bill, working in one of his many offices, running his successful international company that he built for the ground up.  To put it plainly, Bill is a wealthy man.  Not just financially, but Bill has managed to maintain good physical health, land the love of his life and still put aside time for his precious children.  Bill is no superman, but he knows what he wants and is dedicated to living that lifestyle that fits his idea of success.  It’s not about fame or fortune, but staying true to his clear vision of what life should be like for him and his family.

Meet John

John, also from Chicago and pushing the same forty year old status, is not so happy in his current situation.  Coming from a similar background, but managing to make it all the way through college, John now finds himself struggling to get by.

About ten years back, John got divorced.  A marriage that was doomed from the start, this relationship defined Johns inability to sense a healthy situation.  From the middle management position that brings him zero satisfaction, to the devastating debt he’s accrued over years of trying to buy his own happiness, John is lost when it comes to defining his desires and properly pursuing them through the necessary channels.  Not only is John not successful, but he’s depressed by the fact that he may only be half way through his lackluster life.

Switching Places

One cold winter morning Bill received a phone call.  It was his accountant and Bill could tell that the news was not the good kind.  “What is it Joe?” Bill asked his CPA.  “I’m sorry to be the one to tell you this, Bill, but your company has gone bankrupt.”  “What?!  How can this be?!  There were no signs of this.  Last quarter alone brought us an increase of 15%.  Where is this coming from?”

For the next 30 minutes, Joe explained how some of his employees had been embezzling money from the company for the last 2 years.  They managed to doctor the books so the stolen funds did not seem to be missing.  By the time they were caught, the companies financial infrastructure had been deteriorated and could do nothing but collapse.  Bill was both devastated and broke.

Around that same time, John had found out that after a distant, wealthy relative had passed away, he had come into a small fortune and a large piece of property.  John was elated!  He felt that all his troubles were over and he could finally enjoy life.  He quit his job (burning bridges with his spiteful departure) and moved into his new, much larger, home in the suburbs.  John was finally successful…or so he thought.

A year has passed…

Both Bill and John had now had time to ease into their new situations.  The sting of Bill’s great fall had dulled and John’s new found happiness was starting to dwindle.

Shortly after Bill lost everything, he started working in the same company that John had left.  Coming in as a cashier, Bill quickly moved up the ladder as assistant manager and then manager.  To help lighten his load, Bill’s wife began working part time.  Their kids were in school so they could manage all of this without missing out on the life they previously enjoyed.  Bill valued family above all else and he was not about to let these unfortunate circumstances take away time with his wife and kids.

From the very get go, John had managed to put a massive dent into his new found fortune.  Going on spending sprees, buying all the things that used to seem out of reach, John was determined to debunk the idea that money can’t buy happiness.

He also began hanging out in bars as he hoped to meet Mrs. right.  Using the phrase, “Drinks are on me!” time and time again, John was constantly trying to attract others with his fake confidence and half hidden insecurities.  But when rejection seemed even more prevalent, John slowly found his way back into his discouraged state of mind.

5 years later…

About two years after starting his position as a cashier and then quickly moving up, Bill had learned everything he possibly could about the business he was working in.  Not willing to settle for less, Bill began the process of starting his own company that would sell the same products, but to an International audience.  Before too long, Bill and his family had found themselves right back in their sweet spot, opportunities abound.

John’s situation was not quite the same.  Managing to waste most of is willed wealth in the first 3 years of his obtaining it, John was now looking for work to pay down some of the debt.  With no other choice but to sell his home, John started apartment hunting in the city and crawling back to his old job.  Unfortunately, after his bridge burning departure, instead of re-entering as a manager, John had to start back at the bottom, ringing up customers as he pined over what went wrong.

Interestingly enough, Bill had been the one to buy John’s house in the ‘burbs.  By that summer, there were fresh flowers in the garden, clean cut grass and the sense that a heart transplant had taken place in that home.  Even the neighbors seemed happier as their new next door tenants finally did justice to the beauty of that big old house.

What is success?

People often say that success is a state of mind.  That if you want to be satisfied with life, be satisfied with life.  But this doesn’t deal with the fact that a desired destination requires the proper mindset and discomfort in the current state.  Not that we can’t be satisfied every step of the way, but that if that satisfaction becomes too comfortable, we risk standing stagnant, never venturing forth into the world of possibility.

John was all about comfort.  A man of the moment, he never planned for the future or learned from his past.  John’s vision of success was extremely insignificant as he accepted his new found fortune as a quick fix for boredom and low self-esteem.

While John spent a lot of his time figuring out how he was going to spend his next dollar, he missed out on the big picture.  He couldn’t seem to visualize the pitiful life he lived.  He was oblivious to his lack of relational connection.  He mistook money for a brief moment of fun, while great opportunity floated on by.

Bill, on the other hand, was less interested in when his next lunch break was and more so in the possibilities that were right around the corner.  He fed off the love of his family and never grew restless as he worked hard to pull himself back up.  He enjoyed each moment, but couldn’t help be aware of a much bigger picture.

Where John could see his job as nothing more than a way to pay his bills, Bill was taking every opportunity to learn from his new circumstances.  Neither one was given more from the start, but while John was lost in his own sea of self-medicating escapism, Bill knew nothing more than a healthy, happy life.

To answer the question, ‘How To Be Successful’, we have to see the key ingredient to success.  It’s our mindset that makes or breaks our ability to succeed.  It’s our comfort or discomfort in different circumstances that determines our direction.  Just like John could no more be successful than then sky could be orange, Bill was incapable of settling for less than success.  For Bill, it wasn’t a matter of thinking through each situation and determining which way to fork when following the road to greater opportunity, but instead it was his natural instinct that led the way.  Just like a cat could never be comfortable in water, neither could Bill just sit in a situation that failed to bring him and his family closer to their own personal goals.

10 Keys To A Successful Human Being

I wrote a guest post on this at Pick The Brain called ‘10 Traits of a Successful Human Being‘, if you’d like to go further with the topic, but here are 10 more tips to expand on my points.

1. Know How To Be Happy: If you don’t know the ingredients of a complicated recipe, I’d suggest that you find them before you start cracking open eggs.  If you are unable to be happy right where you are (not necessarily satisfied, but happy), than you will have a hard time reaching your goals.  Distraction is one of our greatest deterrents to success and few things take away our focus more than being unhappy.
2. Know How To Motivate Yourself: No one is going to push you harder or more effectively than yourself.  It is up to us to light our own internal fires and push ahead with vigor.  We need to know the ins and outs of our deepest desires, the triggers to our forward motion.  Dreams are made and goals are set, but with out proper self-motivation, we’re dead in the water.
3. Know how to love and be loved: We assume that because we have feelings, we know how to enjoy a healthy relationship, but anyone who has enjoyed a successful one, knows it’s a lot of hard work.  If we are unable to enjoy those around us, how can we consider ourselves a success.  There are many millionaire misers out there who are no more successful than a homeless person sleeping on the streets.
4. Know that the steps to success come one at a time: In this hectic 21st century society, it is so easy to be deceived into thinking that taking on the World has to happen all at once.  The fact is, this mentality does nothing more than overload us with busyness.  To be successful we need to be efficient in our pursuit of goals and a deluge of to-dos is not going to get us there.
5. Know the value of JUST ENOUGH: John never knew exactly what he wanted.  All he knew was that he never had it.  Bill, on the other hand, always new his sweet spot in life and rarely wandered far from this place.  Being successful in life isn’t about how much we have, but how close we are to having JUST ENOUGH.
6. Know how to deal with negative feedback: Whether it be constructive criticism or hateful slander, we can be assured that our road to success will be bumpy as we endure the blows of those around us.  We can’t afford to be unprepared.  Motivation turns into momentum, but improperly filtered feedback will stop us dead in our tracks.
7. Know how to relax: As important as motivation, rejuvenation is certainly a key to success.  Knowing how to get a good night’s sleep as well as reaching a relaxed state in the heart of a stressful situation is crucial for both current satisfaction and future destination.
8. Know how to get out of your comfort zone: One of the greatest deterrents for success is our inability to breach the boundaries of our comfort zones.  Fear of the unknown, coupled with a soft, un-calloused psyche, we see no other option, but to stagnate.
9. Know how to avoid self-destructing: We often have the perfect plan in our heads as we start our journey of success.  We base our future actions on what we believe is right around the corner.  But what happens when things go much differently?  How do we react when stage 2 can’t happen because stage 1 took us in a different direction?  We must remain flexible and ready to adjust our course when necessary.  We can’t control life, but we can control our reaction to it.
10. Know that it’s never to late to change your life: Whether we’ve been stuck in a hole all our lives or have just recently fallen into one, there’s no time like the present to dig ourselves out and make the move toward our own brand of success.  To know how to be successful is to know that tomorrow is ALWAYS a new day.

Final Thoughts

John’s vision was anything but robust.  Easily distracted by activities of insignificance, John could never truly know a life of success.  He was condemned by a minute mindset and falsely established idea of happiness.  John wasn’t unsuccessful, he was completely blind to it.

Bill may have seen his days both on the top and on the bottom, but as far as he was concerned, it was all apart of the journey.  Never seeking a definite destination, Bill only desired wisdom, good health and strong relationships with those around him.  For Bill, success was a mindset that turned into a positive physical outcome, not a single action that resulted in riches. You could take away Bill’s achievements, but you could never separate him from his passion for prosperity.

“Try not to become a man of success, but rather try to become a man of value.” ~ Albert Einstein

Eric

If you want to delve deeper into this question of how to be successful, I would encourage you to check out these additional articles:

• 5 Fundamentals for Success in Life
• When Success Becomes Meaningless, It’s Time to Drop Out
• Re-Centering: Finding Your Way Back To The Life You Meant To Live
• Sink or Swim
• The Personal Development Dilemma: Striving Vs Self-Acceptance
• What is YOUR value and how do you MAXIMIZE it?
• Personal Development Roadblocks – “The Situation”
• How To Start A Small Business
• The Tradeoffs Of Owning Your Own Business Vs Working A Day Job
• Ask For What You Want

EDITOR’S NOTE: This is a guest post from Vincent of Hit Your Goals.

Tell Me How To Be Successful

I am always curious about which things people do that make them so successful, while others are dwindling around in mediocrity. In order to find the answer, I read a ton of books, listened to what the rich and powerful had to say, and scrutinized their actions and beliefs to find the secrets behind their success.

Successful people are always on television, describing what they are doing and how it got them where they are. Yet sometimes it seems as though the things they are doing are simple. This makes me wonder, what makes them so different?

Why are they are so successful?

Vision

Nearly all of successful people share one very important attribute – they have a vision of excelling in what they do, and have a ravenous hunger for success. The desire to become successful in life helps create distance from mediocrity.

It is this vision that makes it possible to succeed. This is the greatest asset you can have if you want to leave mediocrity for success. Without a goal, you cannot score.

Take The Plunge

It seems relatively simple to be successful but I can assure you it will not be easy. Human nature does not help because we always carry the tendency to seek the easier option.

People who have the tendency for an average life will always remain in the range of mediocrity. In order to excel, we must have the courage to take the plunge and do whatever we need to do in order for us to achieve the desired results.

Talent

There are people who think that talent plays a huge role in whether people will find successful, yet most successful people are not viewed as hugely talented in their younger days.

Do not let the thinking of your lack in talent stop you. Sometimes your talent needs to be first uncovered and then refined. Talent helps, but ambition takes you further.

Out Of Your Comfort Zone

In order to excel, you must aim for the sky, beyond what you are capable of. Do not even think about whether your current abilities support your aim. Choose things that you are not capable of and learn how to do them.

If you think you do not have the IT capability to start a blog, do it anyway. If you think you do not have the skills to start a company, do it anyway. If you think you are not able to become the best sales person in your company, do it anyway.

We learn far more when we do things we do not know and think we aren’t capable of. When we choose to do things we think we are not capable of doing, we are forcing ourselves to grow. That’s a good thing. Only by growing, can we first strive and then excel. Make it your vision to become what you want, not what you think you can be.

Nothing is impossible.

Adidas

Learn From Victoria Beckham

I believe most of you had heard about Victoria Beckham and she has a great story we can learn from. When Victoria Beckham was a teenager, she had a vision of becoming of becoming a world brand. She birthed a desire to achieve her dreams and didn’t compare herself to divas like Mariah Carey. Instead, she used the brand Persil Automatic as her yardstick.(Persil automatic is one of the UK’s leading detergents)

Look at where she is now? Her hunger, desire, and vision led her to where she is now.

The Secret?

Don’t live your life like a frightened rabbit. Go conquer those things you think you are not capable of, and always remember to maintain a vision of where you want to be. It does not matter how good you are now, what matters is how good you want to be.

Vincent writes about personal development @ Hit Your Goals. Check out his website and subscribe to his RSS feed. You won’t be disappointed!

Now that you’ve taken the test (from the previous post) it’s time to do a little chewing on the results.  To start, I’ll talk about my experience with The Test.  I scored an 83 for my current situation.  I found this to be quite accurate to where I stand.  The word association stated for that score, “Excellent!  Other than a little fine tuning you’re mostly there.”  This is where I feel my current situation lies.  I feel very blessed to be able to pursue my passions in life, enjoy a loving wife and have a bright future in view.  There is still a lot of tweaking to be done but I can clearly see my destination and feel it getting closer everyday.  This is not to say that there is really any “Arrival” place during our lives as much as a lifestyle that is most accurately in line with our desires.  So, for me, I am not there yet but am happily on my way.

Now for the comparison (a crucial step).  Then I took The Test over but with my situation of 5 years ago in mind.  My score was a 45!  Once again, I felt that this was quite accurate.  As described for that score, “You could be in a worse situation but you need to re-think what and how you’re doing things.”  At the, time I was still very blessed  and had a good life.  I had a loving wife and a roof over my head.  I enjoyed my hobbies and was OK with things.  But that was the problem.  I was just OK with things.  You can’t truly LIVE and just be OK with things.

So what was so different 5 years ago that made for such a low score?  Why was I just OK with things.  Well, for starters, I was working in a low paying job that was WAY too easy and therefore not challenging at all.  I was told when and how I had to work and when I could have time off to spend with my family.  I wished my weeks away just so I could get to my days off.  I wasn’t pursuing anything more than just being able to  “unwind” from the work that I didn’t enjoy.  And I was hindered by the stifling affects of being controlled by someone else.  This made it hard to even dream about a brighter future, let alone plan for one.

It wasn’t until I stated my own business and pulled away from the situation that my true hunger for life began.  It was then that I started seeing the possibilities that lay before me.  As the years have gone by I have been able to build a strong foundation for success in which I am now building off of.  And as a result, I am doing more than just “getting by”.  I am pursuing my dreams and enjoying each day to the fullest.  So in comparison to my situation 5 years ago, I can clearly see that I am moving in the right direction.  But as I stated earlier, the journey is ongoing and I still have many goals to meet and dreams to realize.

Please don’t take this as a brag session on my part.  The fact of the matter is, I struggle  quite often.  Sometimes money is tight and I am occasionally stricken with fear and anxiety about the future.  I can be easily distracted and waste much valuable time.  And, even though my business has been a great stepping stone for future success, it can be one of the most stressful aspects of my life.  So I am not trying to paint a rosy picture of “My Perfect Life”.  I am, instead, trying to communicate the fact that, though I often struggle, it is a struggle in the right direction.

So what did you find?  Are you struggling in the right direction?  Have you made progress from years past?  Were you able to more clearly see the problem areas that are keeping you from moving forward?  Let me hear your comments about where you are and where you want to be.

This is a simple, yet thought provoking, set of questions that is aimed at getting to the core of who you are, what you want, and what is stopping you from going out there and getting it.  Try to be as honest with yourself as possible when answering these questions.

Basic Daily Life:

1: When you get up in the morning (both weekdays and weekend) do you feel positive or negative about the day ahead?

2: When you go to bed at night are you generally satisfied or unsatisfied with the day?

3: While you are doing your daily job (whatever you do for work each day) is your general feeling positive or negative?

4: While you are with your family and/or friends is your general feeling positive or negative?

5: When you have “You Time” do you come away feeling refreshed or just frustrated that the time is over?

Goals and Dreams:

6: When you were a child you had some idea or vision of what you wanted to be or do as an adult.  Is your current situation roughly in line with that vision or not?

If not, is the difference a positive or negative one?  (e.g. Did you decide that you’d rather be a journalist instead of a superhero…positive…or did you want to be a journalist as a child but gave up on the idea out of fear, laziness, lack of motivation, etc…negative.)

7: If you could choose any type of work what would it be?  List your top 5 choices in descending order.

Is your current position (whatever you do for work each day) in that top 5 list?

If so, what is it ranked?

8: When you take time away from your daily work do you look forward to coming back to it?

9: Are you truly hungry for life?  If not, why not?  If so, do you feel that you are satisfying that hunger?

10: For the most part, do YOU control your life or does someone else do it for you?  (e.g. do you decide when you work, how you work, when you relax and how and so on?)

Now to grade your answers:

Each question has a potential value of 10.  You will have to decide for yourself the exact number that most accurately represents that particular question.

-For the +/-  questions (yes/no, positive/negative, etc…) (these would be questions 1-6 and 8 ) grade them like this; a positive score would be 6-10 and a negative score would be 5 or less.  So if it was just barely positive then give it a 6 but if it was quite positive you could give it an 8 or 9.

-Grade question #7 in a similar way.  If your work is not on the top 5 list than give it a 7 or less depending on how far off it is.  But if it’s on the list give it an 8 for being #5 or #4, a 9 if it’s a 3 or 2 and a 10 if it’s #1 on the list.

-For question #9 if you are not hungry for life than give it a 5 or less based on how little you hunger.  But if you are, then give it a 6 or more depending on how much you satisfy that hunger.

-Finally, for question #10, give yourself a score between 1 and 10 based how how much control you have over your time and your life.

Now add up your score.  This number will help show you how close or far you are from living a truly satisfying life.  It is not likely that anyone will have a 100 or a 0 for this is near impossible if you answered the questions honestly.

A score of 49 or less should be a HUGE red flag concerning the life you are living.  If you are in this boat you need to seriously re-think what you are doing and how you are doing it.  You need to act now and start making some drastic changes to get your life back on track to what is should be.

A score of 50 or more means you are either doing just OK or living your life in a more positive way than many.  The closer you are to 100 the more you are living your life in line with what your heart desires.

Here is a word association with each grade level:

0-9 = You need serious help!

10-19 =  Did I mention that you need some serious help?!

20-29 = You need to make some serious life changes and do it RITH NOW!

30-39 = Things are not looking good and need some serious tweaking.

40-49 = You could be in a worse situation but you need to re-think what and how you’re doing things.

50-59 = Not bad but you have a ways to go.

60-69 = Pretty good.  Just a few things need some work.

70-79 = You’re doing quite well.  What are the next steps to moving higher?

80-89 = Excellent!  Other than a little fine tuning you’re mostly there.

90-99 = Hello life, how have you been?!

100 = You’re there!!!

Do the test over but in light of your situation 5 years ago.  Then do it again for 10 years ago.

Now take those and compare them to your current one.  Are you progressing, idling or backsliding?  If you are progressing, even by a small amount, that’s great.  Now just look at the changes you made and see what you can do to enhance and add to them.  If you are idling than you know that if you don’t make any changes you will never make any progress.  And if you are backsliding you need to see what’s changed that has caused you to go in the wrong direction.  Then you need to decide, right away, that it’s time to break away from the things that are keeping you from making progress.

Try to see scores in the lower 50% as in need of recovery and those in the upper 50% as on their way to a better life.  So if you scored a 64 than you are moving toward your goals.  But if you scored a 34 than you just fighting to stay afloat.

Using myself as an example, my score is about 80% higher now then it was 5 years ago.  So what’s the difference between now and then?  For my situation, the big change I made was starting my own business.  Not just any business, but one that gives me a lot freedom and control over my time and involves something I am good at and enjoy.  Oh yeah, it pays pretty well too.  But if it were for that alone I would not have such a high score right now.  It is the addition of continuing to fine tune my current situation and diversifying my income and work load for a more enjoyable, dependable and satisfying lifestyle.

I just want to make it clear that this is only to help you gauge your current situation, compare it to your past and allow you to decide what needs to change for a better future.  I don’t have any intention in unnecessarily making you feel discontent.  But I hope that I can help you make the most of what you have and live your life according to your heart’s true desires.

How did you do?  Were you able to see some problem areas?  Have you made progress from years past?  What changes might you make to improve your score and live a better life?