A Brief Back-story

This project (the ebook itself) was an inevitable outcome for Leo and myself.  Both passionately pursuing our best possible life, we’ve had a lot of experience with this sometimes elusive subject.  Motivation is something that is hard to nail down.  It’s one of those subjects that can be difficult to turn into a tangible topic.  Yet we feel confident that we’ve done just that, both on our blogs and the new ebook.

The Main Purpose of The Essential Motivation Handbook

The obvious reason for devising such a point of reference is to give people a powerful tool to push past those bumps in the road of life so that they may achieve the goals they’ve set to accomplish.  Yet another purpose of this ebook that many may miss is its ability to save you mass amounts of time and energy.

No longer will you have to search through countless blog posts and search results on Google to find the absolute best content on the subject of motivation.  We feel if this book can save you just ONE HOUR of your precious time, from searching and separating the wheat for the chaff, the price of purchase is paid for.  And as a bonus, you have all this great content wrapped up in a nice, neat, portable PDF package.  You just can’t beat that!

Speaking of Bonuses…

Another new aspect of this great product is the new bonus material we’re offering with each purchase (if you’ve already purchased The Essential Motivation Handbook you will be receiving these bonuses).  Leo and I created a 3 part bonus video where we answer reader questions regarding the topic of motivation.  We cover many aspects of the topic and dive into the depths of what gives a person the power to push past the mundane.

Become An Affiliate Today!

Last, but not least, we’re offering a 50% affiliate payout and would love for you to make money while helping us spread the news of this great new motivational resource.  So be sure to sign up for an affiliate account today! You’ll find some newly created banner images of differing sizes to help you effectively promote the product.

Final Thoughts

Thanks for taking the time to read through this rehash of our recent launch.  As mentioned above, be sure to check out the new site and enjoy The Essential Motivation Handbook if you’ve already made the purchase.

If you have any questions about any of the things mentioned you can feel free to contact me or find me on Twitter, otherwise, you may purchase The Essential Motivation Handbook here.

Eric

EDITOR’S NOTE: This is a guest post from Celestine Chua of celestinechua.com.

How would you gauge your motivational level? Are you constantly motivated, or do you need to keep doing self-talk in order to motivate yourself to get on with things?

What if I tell you that there’s a way to be endlessly motivated? What if I tell you that this is something everyone can do?

I’m a highly energetic and motivated person. Many of the people who have interacted with me before would comment on my incredibly high energy level. They usually remark with some tinge of amazement on how I can always remain so hyperactive and happy. One of my coaches even compared me with the Duracell bunny as a way of expressing how he felt about my high, endless energy levels. I have yet to decide on whether I like that particular analogy, but you get his point.

However, I was never always like this. Just last year, there was a period of time when I felt constantly tired, drained and vacant. At that time, I was working in a brand management role in my ex-company, which was among the Fortune 100. During the weekdays, I would wake up in the morning and feel a sense of drudgery from having to go to work. Throughout the week, I would subconsciously count down the days toward the weekend because that was when I get to do things I liked. When the weekend finally arrived, I would be spending it by watching TV shows, online videos, shopping, or sleeping (which I later found out to be escapist behaviors). Before I knew it, the weekend would be over and a new week had begun.

Honestly? It was an empty period of my life. I was always one to enjoy living and to see the upside of life. Having to go through life in this manner was just eating away inside of me. It felt terrible. It didn’t even feel like I was living life at all. Deep down, something didn’t feel right inside of me. Somehow, I knew that life shouldn’t be about living in emptiness.

When I delved into the situation, I realized the issue. I had lost my passion for my job. In place of that, my deep-seated passion towards helping others achieve personal excellence was calling out to me. It was a passion which had been present since a few years ago. A passion which I chose to set aside at that time as I didn’t want to miss the rare opportunity of working in a Fortune 100 to gain exposure and experience.

When I came to the realization, it was clear that I had to break away from a job I wasn’t passionate about to pursue my real passion. It was then that I made the decision to resign from my Fortune 100 career. It didn’t matter that the job with a high level of prestige factor, gratuitous paycheck, great career developments or attractive ancillary benefits such as travel. What mattered was I needed to do what I truly loved. The rest of the factors were secondary. What’s more, they were not exclusive to my corporate job and I knew I could always reattain them from new endeavors.

This decision to resign was the single most impactful decision I’ve made in my life.

Today, I really, really love life . I’m continuously motivated to drive onward and forward. I’m living every moment in joy and I can’t wait to see what’s next. And the reason why that’s the case is because I’m living my passion. I’m doing what I love – to help others be their best self and live their best life. While I’m busy every day writing at my blog, doing my coaching and conducting speeches, it’s a kind of busyness which I relish in. In fact, I simply can’t get enough of it – I just want to do more and more, because I love all of this so much!

So how do you become endlessly motivated? Follow your passion. This is my single one answer to you. I can list to you some laundry list of 40-50 motivational hacks you can use to boost your motivation levels, but these are just going to be short-term measures. If you aren’t fundamentally following your passion to begin with, no amount of external motivational stimuli can help to perk you up. Following your passion is the only sustainable, long-term path towards being motivated.

What is your passion? What is it that you love to do? What is it that gets you going? What do you want to be doing if you will definitely not fail?

Find it. Connect with it. Then start pursuing it. This pursuit can be in small tiny steps if you are someone who is afraid of big changes, or big strides if you are all about speed and action. Whatever it is, just make sure you are acting in increasing alignment to your heart’s desire. When you do that, you will find yourself more and more connected to your inner motivational source. You will find that you start feeling more and more alive each day, to the point where one day, you are finally fully pursuing your passion and experiencing the state of endless motivation.

Celestine Chua is a personal excellence coach who writes at her popular The Personal Excellence Blog to help others like you achieve excellence. Some of her top articles include: 50 Ways to Boost Your Productivity and Cultivate Good Habits in 21 Days.

A Pair of Passionate Writers

Leo Babauta of zenhabits and myself have brought together our best efforts to write, what we believe to be, one of the best books on motivation you’ll find anywhere! After much collaboration and pulling together our best work on the subject, we put together a powerful tool for anyone in need of more drive, efficiency and effective habits.  ‘The Essential Motivation Handbook’ is your ticket to finally getting things done and moving past the mundane!

A Perfect Companion To A Best-Seller

You may or may not know this, but Leo is the author of a best-selling ebook on productivity called Zen To Done.  The reason it has done so well is because it actually does what it says it will.  People who read it actually become more productive.  Much of the time we purchase a product that says it will meet a need, but after we’re through, we fail to see the results advertised.  Well, Zen To Done does deliver and so does ‘The Essential Motivation Handbook’.

Now, for the companion part.  When putting this work together, Leo and I wanted to not only create a stand alone solution to your motivational needs, but a perfect companion to one of the best books on productivity out there.  The fact is, learning how to be productive is only half the battle.  You need the ability to harness your internal fire to actually make things happen.  That’s where ‘The Essential Motivation Handbook’ comes in, and it’s the combination of these two awesome books that will help anyone actually reach their goals and stop just dreaming of that elusive day that may never arrive.

The Book…

Here is the table of contents, listing the powerful insight you’ll find in this book:

1. How To Motivate Yourself

2. The Only Two Secrets to Motivating Yourself You’ll Ever Need

3. A Guide to Beating the Fears That Are Holding You Back

4. Task Ninja: Form the Action Habit

5. Top 20 Motivation Hacks

6. The Ultimate Guide to Motivation – How to Achieve Any Goal

7. Progress, Progress, Progress! 5 Tips To Keep You Moving Forward

8. 7 Steps to Turn Your Self-Improvement Desires Into Reality

9. 25 Killer Actions to Boost Your Self-Confidence

10. 6 Small Things You Can Do When You Lack Discipline

11. 16 Ways to Motivate Yourself When You’re in a Slump

12. 5 Tips For Motivational Recovery

13. The Magical Power of Focus

14. 10 Ways to Beat the “Can’t Get No Satisfaction” Syndrome

15. 30 Incredible Places to Turn When You Need Inspiration

16. How To Deal With Negative Feedback

17. How to Doggedly Pursue Your Dreams in the Face of Naysayers

18. Achieve Your Dreams Despite Pressures of Work and Family

19. Why You Should Celebrate Your Mistakes

20. How to Actually Execute Your To-do List

21. The Yin And Yang Of Persistence

22. Enduring the Valley to Get to Success

23. How To Relax And Why It’s So Important

24. The Simple Guide To Single-Tasking Success

25. Stop Reading About It and Do It

How Much?

The book is packed full of over 100 pages of powerful content and yet you can get your own copy for only $14.95!  And not only that, but if for any reason you believe this book doesn’t deliver, we offer a full 100% money-back guarantee, so you can buy with confidence!

This is a must-have for anyone in need of drive, inspiration and the tools to achieve any goal!  Get your copy here:  The Essential Motivation Handbook.

For Bloggers: If you’re interested in selling ‘The Essential Motivation Handbook’ on your site, sign up as an affiliate here.  We’re offering an amazing 50% affiliate payout and our 100% money-back guarantee covers your sales as well!

I’ve been out of commission, at least in regards to posting to this blog, but have been blessed with many great bloggers and friends who have helped keep the content flowing by submitting their own great work.  But now it’s time to get back in the driver’s seat of Motivate Thyself and share some of the new findings being a new dad has brought about.

The Hamster Wheel Effect

I’ve always been an extremely driven person, but ever since Tyson was born I’ve felt the flames of forward motion grow hotter by the day.  The desire to provide more freedom and flexibility for my growing family have brought about larger visions of success and monetary gain.  Let’s face it, simplicity and frugality are great, but a super tight budget can be a real pain in the A$$!  There’s nothing like the new found pressure of higher health insurance costs, diapers galore and a little thing I like to call the hungry baby shriek of death!

The problem is, I can easily find myself running on all cylinders, but not getting very far.  Or even worse, getting really far and then realizing I went the wrong direction.  If you’re anything like me, you shoot first and ask questions later.  I see what I think is a good opportunity and I go for it.  Part of my drive comes from the constant feeling like there are thousands of others going for the same thing and every second I wait to act is one second further from the desired destination; a prize that someone else may obtain at any minute.

Then I find myself feeling like I’m running in place.  Do you ever feel like you’re running on a big hamster wheel, breaking  a sweat, but not getting anywhere?  Or maybe a treadmill.  You run to maintain your location, but not make any real progress.  You feel if you stop you will fall way back, out of the running for your goals.

The fact is, this is mostly true.  There ARE thousands of people out there fighting for the same piece of cheese and if we stop pushing ahead we will most certainly loose ground.  But there are some key ingredients here that I want to share; things that I’ve noticed over the last 8 weeks.

Learn From Your Past, Don’t Dwell On It

Hind site is definitely 20/20 so it’s easy for us to become back seat drivers to our pasts.  We set out on a new journey for some form of positive future, yet as the months go by we look back, seeing every mistake we made along the way.  “If I had just done this instead of that I’d be this much further along.”  Or, “Why did I go in that direction?  This way would have brought about much greater success!”

The problem with this kind of thinking is that we not only distract ourselves from making better decisions in the future, but we weigh ourselves down with negativity.  There’s nothing worse then trying to climb a mountain with a backpack full of unnecessary junk.  The lighter our load, the more capable and clear minded we become.  So never look at your past mistakes with a ‘What if?’ mindset.  Instead, learn everything you can from it, assuring you don’t make the same mistakes further along in your journey, then move on.

Think about it like this…

A professional sports team will spend just as much time watching old recordings of their past games as they will planing for future ones.  But the coach doesn’t sit there and say, “You guys stink!  See here, you did this and that and look what happened!  We lost the game because of you!!”  No, they will pick apart the actions of each player and determine what was done right and what was done wrong.  Then they figure out a better future action for that player if that specific scenario comes up in future games.

You can do this with more than your own past.

You don’t have to wait for your own mistakes to learn the best way to accomplish a goal.  Just like a sports team will study other team’s games, you can learn from the mistakes (and accomplishments) others have made by studying their actions and the results that follow.

The bottom line is, ‘When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.’  But when you fail to execute, figure out what went wrong, make note of this, and move on.

Constant Reflection Provides Pinpoint Accuracy

Earlier in this post I mentioned the problem of making up a lot of ground and then realizing your heading was misguided.  The best way to avoid this potentially devastating mistake is to periodically reflect on your current situation and remind yourself of the desired destination.  Try and re-envision the sight, sound, smell and feel of this goal.  Just like hounds need to refresh their scent to keep from losing the lock on their pursuee, so too do we need a constant reminder of exactly what we’re working so hard to accomplish.  Lose the scent and risk completely missing the mark.

Why do we so often run in place?

I don’t know about you, but for me it’s a combination of impatience and fear.

• Impatience: I want to reach my goal so badly that I see a ‘quick stop and reassessment of the situation’ as just one more thing to slow me down.  Little do I know that the greatest danger to my speed at which I reach my goal is inaccuracy, not lack of brute force motion.  A running back in an American Football game may see the time ticking down to zero, but knows from experience that it’s constant reassessment and redirection that will give them the greatest opportunity to score, not a blind sprint to the end-zone.
• Fear: Picture yourself in a sail boat race.  Neck and neck with the leader, you and your team put forth all your effort to not lose ground and lose the race.  Along the way you hit some debris which puts a hole in the side of your boat.  You’re taking on water.  You split up your team, having half maintain the sails and steering while the other half is to bail out the water.  You’ve successfully prevented your vessel from sinking, but with a split up team you have slowed way down.  Deep down you know that you need to just stop and focus the full force of your team into plugging the hole and then put that same force back into pushing ahead, but you’re afraid of losing more ground.

It’s this fear of momentarily stopping to reassess the situation that can keep us sailing with a sinking ship.  It’s this fear that often keeps us from taking much needed vacations or even just a long weekend of reflection.  But just like the sailboat will regain its ground and then some, once repaired, we will almost always come back from our necessary reflection times with a renewed vigor and a sharper vision of the future.

Final Thoughts

Coming up on my 1 year blogging anniversary, I’ve been able to witness many failures and a few exciting accomplishments.  Often filled with 2 steps forward and 2 steps back, I’ve struggled much of the time.  Yet I’ve learned so much and have made up much ground.  Not in spite of my mistakes, but because of them.  I’ve taken what I’ve learned, reassessed and pushed ahead with greater accuracy and better technique.  I’m still making mistakes left and right, but I’m learning from each one.

So I guess the best way to sum up my thoughts would be to say, “Embrace your imperfections, learn from your mistakes and always keep your eyes focused on the positive possibilities of a brighter future.”  We’re all going to screw up along the way, but few make the most of these faults and use them to their future advantage.

Eric

Feeling the sting of a verbal attack

I recently received an email from one of my websites that was anything but positive in nature.  I was basically told, by a total stranger that had just laid eyes on my site for the very first time, that I was a worthless piece of @#$%.  This person seemed to go to great lengths to tare me down as quickly and effectively as possible.  I had been having quite a tough week and this was just one more stone that had met its intended target.

I started to reply, trying to stay calm and not be a jerk right back, but I was having a hard time not getting defensive.  So I got Liz to read the email and asked her opinion.  The second she had finished reading the words of this viscous verbal assault, she looked at me and said, “Eric, why would you even give this person two seconds of your time?  Just delete it and move on.”  Realizing the foolishness of trying to defend myself to someone who had no intention of having a two way conversation, I deleted the email and tried my best to forget about it.

Later that day, while walking our dogs, Liz and I discussed the situation.  She admitted that it was easy for her to tell me to forget about it, but that if it had been directed at her, it most certainly would have bothered her, but that paying attention to that kind of feedback will do nothing but bring you down.  That absolutely NO GOOD could ever come from responding to the kind of hate that was in that email.  I agreed and I moved on.

The effect of feedback

I don’t know about you, but when I have a couple of days that are filled with nothing but positive reinforcement and encouragement, I can’t help but feel light on my feet.  I have more energy, get more done and tend to be a more positive person.  But this can easily be brought to a screeching halt if the right words are used.  Something like that email I described above can really take the wind out of my sales if I let it.  I like for people to like me and I enjoy sharing positive experiences, not baring the brunt of someone else’s bad day.  I want to help people when they are in need, not get stepped on when things don’t go their way.

There’s a saying, “Water off a duck’s back.”  This usually pertains to a situation where an individual is criticized, but not affected by it.  Somehow this person is able to let the negativity just roll right off their hypothetical back.  This is rare and often times falsely mentioned.  We are VERY effected by feedback from others and it is near impossible to completely disregard the different colored sound waves that find their way to our acute audible sensors. So let’s not kid ourselves.  We generally DO care what others think about us and both positive AND negative feedback will usually have at least SOME effect on us.  The question isn’t, “How can we ignore certain sound waves?”  But instead, “How can we properly channel the different tones that take aim at us?”  Just like certain martial arts may teach, it is better to go with the force of the attacking blow and use its energy to benefit yourself, than it is to try and fight it, or in many cases, try and ignore it.

How To Stop Letting People Make Or Break Your Life

So you’re like me in that your mindset, motivation and productivity are sometimes dictated by the feedback of the people around you.  You’re sick of working hard to build up momentum, only to be taken out at the knees by a barrage of negativity.

Let’s stop handing over the keys to other people’s opinions and bring stability to our personal perspective of ourselves.

Tip #1:  Determine the usefulness of the negative feedback.

As we all know, just because something is negative doesn’t mean it is wrong and/or can’t be turned into a positive.  When we first receive feedback that threatens to bring us down we need to ask ourselves if there is anything useful we can take from it.  Are we doing something wrong?  Can we learn from this to improve our tomorrow?  If there is merit to the comment and we can learn from it, we should determine the lesson, learn it and then go about our business.  But if it turns out to be a difference of opinion or just negativity for the sake of negativity, we must see it for what it is (someone esle’s problem) and move on.

Tip #2:  Beware of the dangerous Half-Truth

When others attempt to bring us down, they often do so by using the good old half-truth.  They throw in JUST enough truth to get us second guessing ourselves and then naturally becoming defensive.

Think about it.  When you have received negative feedback, was it the completely false statements that effected you most, or those that had a bit of truth sprinkled in with the lies?  When there is some truth involved, we naturally pay attention and often try and pick through the statement to figure out what exactly needs to be done.  We think, “Well, that one part is true and I KIND OF do that thing they pointed out, but the way they spin the idea is completely false.”

The problem with this is that we can find ourselves stuck in a pointless cycle of trying to reason out what may just be a bunch of false information that had no intention of constructively criticizing us.  We spin our wheels attempting to effectively determine a defense, when no defense is needed or even advisable.  This is often a complete waste of time.

So how do we deal with these deceivingly destructive accusations without lowering our standards and losing valuable time?

It’s quite simple, actually.  We just need to look at the ENTIRE statement and not just the individual points.  Let’s say you own a bakery and specialize in blueberry muffins.  One day the owner of the bakery across the street comes in and says,”You sell your muffins for less than I do.  (TRUTH)  From what I can tell, you’ve found a way to get the same ingredients for less than I can get them (TRUTH) and have come up with a way to make your muffins in half the time (TRUTH).  Way to go!  You’ve just brought down the standards of the muffin making industry!”  (FALSE)

OK, so this guy obviously had it in for you from the get go, but he DID lay down a bunch of truths.  Up until the very end, he was describing your actions with great detail.  But he then managed to spin those facts into one final false accusation.  Now you’re thinking, “Is it possible that my actions are wrong in some way?  Should I re-think the way I’m doing things?”

We need to realize that a statement is either true or false.  Their may be some truths and some lies mixed in, but the entire statement is saying something specific, and it is the point that it’s trying to make that is either true or false.  So if we were to look at this competitor’s statement as either true or false, we could clearly see it as false.  But fall into the trap of picking it apart and we only confuse ourselves with conflicting information.

Another trick is to remove the false parts of the statement and then repeat what’s left, but in a positive tone.  Let’s picture an appreciative customer who’s eating one of your delicious blueberry muffins and positively saying the exact statement, minus the last bit of lies.  “You sell your muffins for less than the baker across the street.  From what I can tell, you’ve found a way to get the same ingredients for less than he can get them and have come up with a way to make your muffins in half the time.  Way to go!”  Same statement, minus the lies, with a positive tone.  COMPLETELY different statement!  So remember that it’s often times not the words being said, but the intentions behind them that determine their tone.  If changing the intentions changes the tone, then you’re most likely dealing with a mere opinion and not a fact of any kind.

Tip #3:  Determine WHO you will listen to

As much as that email was hurtful with its malicious message, the author in no way fit the profile of an individual I would ever care to absorb opinion.  It’s absolutely crucial that we know exactly what kind of person we care to mind and therefore what type of individual we will pay NO mind.

For myself, I will always at least hear out family and friends.  This is, for the most part, a given.  But even here we need to be cautious.  Be sure this loved one has proper perspective to be paying you thought.  Even a friend isn’t always going to give good advice.

But what about mere acquaintances or even total strangers?  Some great advice has been given to me by strangers, so their lack of relationship to you should never keep you from learning from their insight.  It then comes down to their values, their mindset when sharing the thought and what they have to gain by your reaction to the comment.

It was obvious to me that the author of this email was not acting from a healthy set of values.  That this individual was not in a good mindset when they typed the hateful words and that the only thing they had to gain from my reaction was a sense of twisted satisfaction that they had knocked me down a notch.  It was obvious to me that this person did NOT hold an opinion that I needed to be mindful of.  And Once I realized this, it made it much easier to disregard them as someone having a bad day and frankly, not my concern.

Tip #4:  Accept your imperfections

We may be fully aware that we are not perfect people, but it can still sting when that imperfection is pointed out by another.  We try so hard to think things through and cover all the bases, but sometimes we drop the ball.  When this occurs and you get some flack for it, lean to take it in stride.  Quite often I find myself over focusing on a pointed out imperfection, trying to determine what went wrong and what I could have done differently.  This in itself can be a good thing, a way to learn from our mistakes, but once we find ourselves feeling discouraged as a result, we need to step back and accept the fact that EVERYONE makes mistakes.  The more comfortable you are with the fact that you’re going to trip up from time to time, the quicker you’ll bounce back when others make your imperfections known.

Tip #5:  Take a breather

The worst thing you can do when dealing with negative feedback is let your pride get involved.  You may want to lash out at someone or stoop down to their level.  This is NEVER a good thing.  You either continue a useless conversation or stoke the flames of a fire that only burns as long as two continue to tango.

Instead of reacting (and quite possibly over-reacting), sleep on it.  Give yourself some time to get away from the situation and even forget about it for a bit.  Let your subconscious chew on it for a while and see what it thinks.  The following day you can re-visit the issue and determine your course of action with a much greater chance of choosing wisely.  You may decide like I did that no response is necessary.  Or that becoming defensive will serve no purpose.  Whichever rout you choose, you’ll be doing so from a level perspective and not an in-the-moment reaction that might very well create more problems than you started out with.

Tip #6:  Build momentum regardless of reaction

Just as much as we should not let negative feedback knock us down, we need to be cautious about how much we rely on the positive to push us forward.  There’s nothing wrong with riding the waves of encouragement, but if this is the foundation we chose to build our future success, we will see our personal development crumble, time and time again.  Our motivation should come from knowing we are moving in the the right direction and that we are unwilling to settle for less than awesome.  We can enjoy the pats on the back when they come, but our identity needs to be formed from a foundation independent of those around us.

Final Thoughts

The bottom line is that as long as we are striving to better our lives as well as those around us, we should never fear the negativity that will inevitably come our way.  Some will be true and some, half-true, but none should make us feel any less capable than before.  Learn to properly filter this feedback and you will always maintain your motivation and proper piece of mind.

Eric

Let me introduce you to Bob.  Bob is a thirty something guy with a loving wife, two kids and a 9 to 5 job that keeps him busy and slightly stressed most of the time.  He lives in a fairly nice, modern home, in a nice, comfortable neighborhood.  With two cars in the garage (along with a hefty car payment), a mortgage that snuck its way into his life, and a load of bad buying habits eating up the little bit of savings they have, Bob is not exactly at peace with his situation.  To put it more bluntly, Bob sometimes daydreams about running away to a deserted island where he can hide from all the amassed pressure and responsibility he’s brought upon himself and his family.  Let’s just say that Bob’s a little stressed.

But it wasn’t always this way…

Let’s go back in time to when Bob was just out of high school and ready to conquer the world.  This was a time in Bob’s life that the debt had not yet had a chance to pile up and the only one he had to take care of was himself.  He had little stress and a lot of passion behind his dreams of having an amazing career and an even more amazing family to share it with.  Bob was in a place I like to call ‘Pre-Paralysis’.  A place where he had yet to become paralyzed by the pressures of day-to-day life.  A time when the weight on his shoulders had barley even made itself noticeable.  Bob was free and his enthusiasm, unstoppable.  Or so he thought.

When Bob met Jane

Bob was blessed with an amazing girlfriend, Jane.  They met at their post high school job at the local grocer and fell in love faster than they could learn how to work the register.  There was no doubt in their minds that they were meant for each other, each one completing the missing half of the other.  Though they knew marriage was not an easy road, they had no doubt it was the necessary next step.  Both Bob and Jane loved children so talk of kids was an exciting regular conversation.  Bob just knew his life was going to be even more amazing than he had imagined.  The thought of taking on the challenges of life, side-by-side with the woman he loved, was enough to give him goosebumps.

As the wedding came closer, Bob and Jane frantically looked for an apartment that they could afford.  They settled on a place that was small, but sufficient.  As they stood there in the empty one roomer, their imaginations began to run wild with thoughts of what it will be like to live on their own as a couple, with no one to stop them from pursuing their passionate dreams.  Bob squeezed Jane’s hand to confirm their connection as they silently envisioned their future.

Making bad decisions, one day at a time.

One of the fist things Bob did after the wedding was buy a new car.  They had needed to take that next step sooner or later, but Jane had questioned the need to buy new.  Blinded by the excitement of a shiny new toy, Bob convinced himself that this was a need and therefore not possibly a mistake.  A month later, when Bob was writing a check for that first car payment, he felt this unfamiliar pressure on his shoulders.  Not knowing what it was, he disregarded it and quickly forgot about its existence.

Now it was Jane’s turn.  Love of knick knacks, Jane was not a big item buyer.  As excited as Bob had been when he purchased that new car, Jane could equal that enthusiasm when she’d sign up for her next magazine subscription.  But being a person who greatly enjoyed those small purchases, Jane made many of them.  She’d sign up for this, and send away for that.  Rarely did Jane make it home from her weekend trip to the mall without bags in both hands.

IT’S A GIRL!!!

Taking that natural next step, Bob and Jane had a beautiful little baby girl.  So excited and happier than ever, they both spread the news as if it were the cure for cancer.  Bob never thought he could feel a joy greater than what he felt when he met Jane, but holding his little blessing in his arms for the very first time sent a sensation through his body like he had never felt before.  This was his daughter, his child.  Bob looked over at Jane and they shared a short silence, communicating a new kind of connection.  They were no longer just a husband and wife, but a mother and father to this beautiful little blessing.

The Daily Grind

Let’s fast forward a few years.  Bob’s been working as a sales rep for the local yellow pages.  Great at what he does, Bob made a good living off his commission.  The problem was that he had to put in 60 to 80 hours a week to do so and the work was anything but congruent with his original pre-paralysis dreams for success.  When he’d come home in the evenings, Jane would be exhausted from taking care of their, now, 2 kids as well as making sure dinner was waiting for Bob at the end of his long day.  Their enthusiastic relationship had been diluted by this daily grind and their passion as parents was lacking, to say the least.

The weekends were barely any better.  Bob sat in his office all Saturday morning, writing check after check to cover all their monthly bills.  Not quite sure how they had amassed such a stack of financial responsibility, Bob just turned on his auto pilot and got the job done.  Oh, and remember when I mentioned that first sensation of shoulder weight?  Well, Bob now had a whole pile of bricks to deal with.  It felt like he was wearing a backpack full of concrete, ALL THE TIME!  And let’s just say that Jane was right their with him, bearing the brunt of this misguided mass.  Whether dealing with her own stresses or feeling Bob’s financial frustration, she could barely tend to her own needs, let alone those of her children.

Somethings got to give!

One day, while working in the yard, Bob felt a crippling pain in stomach.  At first he tried to ignore it, but soon it was evident that this was serious.  So he went inside and asked Jane to take him to the hospital.  Jane was worried about her husband as they drove to the ER.  Not sure what was wrong, they both sat in the waiting room as Bob silently screamed in agony.

They  finally were able to see a doctor who proceeded to run some tests.  Fairly quickly it had become evident that the problem was a large ulcer in Bob’s stomach.  The doctor prescribed some medicine, but had to ask, “Have you been under any stress lately?”  Bob laughed, as if he thought the doctor was joking.  “Stress?  Of course, isn’t everyone?”  The doctor then continued the slightly uncomfortable conversation by agreeing that we all deal with stress in life, but that the level of stress Bob was living with was literally eating away at his insides.  Basically, Bob was bearing too high a dose of dysfunctional lifestyle.  If he continued in this way, this agonizing ulcer will seem like a slight stomach ache compared to the heart attack that awaits.

On the ride home from the hospital Bob and Jane talked about making some changes.  Both completely agreed that they made a wrong turn somewhere early on and that for their own health and happiness they needed to find their way back to sanity.

“What happened?”  Bob asked in the tone of a statement.  “I mean, how did we get here in the first place?”

“All I know is that we went from white to black with so many shades of gray that we never realized the tone of our life had changed.”  Jane responded as she turned the wheel to re-enter their driveway.

Before the car had come to a complete stop in their garage, Bob made a clear declaration, “We’re getting off this ride!”

Jane smiled.

That night, Bob and Jane slept better than they had in years.  Both at peace with their agreement for drastic change, they felt the shoulder weight lighten, even if only for a moment.

Undoing The Damage

The next morning was a beautiful sunny Sunday.  Off from work and well rested, it felt like the day had been hand made for the very purpose of planning their new lives.  Jane made some hot tea and they sat at the dining room table, ready to collaborate on their massive undertaking.  Only armed with a pad of paper and a pen in hand, Bob was ready to get to the bottom of their unexpectedly stressful existence.

This is what they came up with:

Practical

• Bills. Go through every penny that you pay in bills and separate the wheat from the chaff.  Determine what bills are going toward necessary items/services and which ones are not.  Then cut out EVERY bill that you don’t absolutely have to have.  Are you subscribing to convenience  on a monthly basis?  Well, decide if that convenience is worth the extra shoulder weight you bare when paying the tab.  ALSO, the bills that are tagged as necessary, be sure they are absolutely necessary and then see if you can’t reduce their cost in any way possible.
• Non-bill payments. Now it’s time to look back over the last couple of months.  Where have you spent your money?  Do you buy expensive coffee, a magazine now and again or are you going out to eat because you just don’t feel like cooking dinner?  While trying to undo the insanity of debt and overspending, it’s crucial to completely cut the fat and stop the leak all together.  There’s nothing more frustrating then bailing out a sinking ship without first plugging the hole.
• Debt. One of the biggest culprits in our stressed out lifestyles is the big D word.  Starting out as a common inability to wait, debt is the love child of impatience and discontentment. The best thing you can do with your debt is pay it off as soon as you can.  Get that weight off your shoulders TODAY and you’ll have more energy to take on the world tomorrow.
• Sleep. Without a consistent regimen of sound sleep we are crippled by low energy and lack of enthusiasm.  Sleep not only restores our physical strength, but our confidence and clarity of thought.  So if you’re not getting the sleep you require, get to the bottom of the issue.  Be sure your diet and activity level are consistent with good health.  Analyze your thought process before bed and make sure it’s not filled with stress and stimulation.  And check out your routine to determine the level of consistency in your sleep patterns.  Out of all the physical things you can do for yourself, your health and your happiness, a good nights rest should be at the top of your list.
• Free time. How we spend our free time can greatly affect how we feel the rest of the time.  We may not have complete control over what we do when we’re at work, but our free time is a time where we are free to do what we want.  If you feel you’re wasting ANY of that time, you will gain shoulder weight just out of feelings of regret.  Our time is precious and we can’t afford to waste even an OUNCE of it.  Fill it with fulfilling activity and you will be much more likely to make the most of every other second that comes your way.

Emotional and Psychological

• Relationships. Any relationship we have plays a role in our sanity.  Certainly some more than others, but even the way we treat a person behind the counter at the grocery store has an effect on how we feel about ourselves and our life.  I recently gave a customer support person a hard time because of a misunderstanding of something petty and I was left feeling less than peaceful.  This guy was just trying to help and because he didn’t have the information I impatiantly wanted, I kind of snapped at him.  A few days later I noticed that every time I worked with the issue I was trying to resolve, I felt a bit of anxiety.  I quickly realized that this bad feeling stemmed from this earlier situation and so I sent this guy an email apologizing for being a jerk.  It may sound like a little thing, but without reconciling even the slightest wrong doing toward another, we are prone to a negativity that will do nothing but eat away at our peace of mind.  And if this one little incidence was that important, how much more important is it that we take care of those who support us on a daily basis.
• Addictions. Whether we know it or not, we ALL have additions.  Some are more obvious than others and they all have differing levels of damage, but the common thread is that we are trying to fill a void in our lives, whether big or small.  Sometimes it’s just out of a lack of stimulation, while other times it stems from the need to dull a pain inside us.  Some of us have troubling childhood thoughts that bring on bouts of abusive behavior, while others of us may just have a thing for shopping and take it a little too far (as Jane exhibited earlier).  But to deal with these addictions we have to deal with the source of their existence.  You can’t tell someone with anorexia to JUST EAT!  Their lack of ingestion comes not from a fear of food or their need to control weight, but from some pain in their lives that probably goes way back to a forgotten time.  We need to unravel the mess of memories and expanse of experiences so we can figure out why we do X, Y, or Z.  Once we work through these issues, we can be free to wisely pursue a different path.  But until then, we’ll be fighting a losing battle.
• The Joneses. An idea that has been beaten to death, I will not kick it while its down, but I will just say that when it comes to other people’s ‘things’, just remember that they are no happier because of them.  No object has ever proven to create happiness in an individual and no object ever will.
• Past mistakes. Often times we don’t realize that it is our past failings that are keeping us from succeeding in the future.  Whether we’ve lost our confidence or feel discouraged because things didn’t go the way we’d hoped, we need to address those things that are always nagging us with negative notions of our ability to reach our goals.  Leave these unchecked and we are doomed to repeat our past.
• Insecurities. With red hair and freckles and the fact that I look about a decade younger than I actually am, I got a lot of flack as a kid.  Constantly being singled out by the current bully of the month, I found myself being beaten down with constant negativity.  Once or twice and you can blow it off as the exception to the rule, but after many times of abuse, you can’t help but believe it as gospel.  We all carry the weight of insecurity and none of us are spared the inconvenience of a poor decision or two because of it, but we must make sure our lives are not being torn down as a result.  Take some time and look back on your childhood.  Figure out where the negativity came from and how you learned to cope.  We can learn a lot about our bad habits by analyzing our past and we can also find the key to fixing the problem.

Where are Bob and Jane today?

Still paying down the debt of their past, Bob and Jane are fighting for a more positive future.  Bob is still working long hours, but now with the motivation of digging themselves out of their financial mess.  Jane has not only stopped spending money on things they don’t need, but is dong everything she can to save on those things they do.  And when Bob gets home from work he not only enjoys time with his family, but has started setting aside time to train for a new position.  He’s seeking out a role that will allow him to work less time, while still making the money they need to make ends meet and save for the future.  Both Bob and Jane are now learning from experience that one positive action leads to more of the same.  Each step forward strengthens their stride and reinforces their foundation.

It’s not our location, but our heading that matters most.

People often talk about where they are in life, but I find that it’s where we’re going that is most important.  Time is a relentless taskmaster who never listens to reason and just because we’ve made it to a positive plateau doesn’t mean that tomorrow won’t be filled with a barrage of backsliding.  Even more importantly, for those who find themselves in a pit of despair, everything feeling like a failure, I encourage you to focus on your direction, not your current place on the map.

That’s what’s so great about life!  We can make our own choices and choose to live the life of greatest fulfillment, for us and those we come in contact with.  We ALL make mistakes and have to deal with the consequences, but that doesn’t mean we can’t, AT ANY TIME, decide to take hold of the reigns and steer ourselves toward a more positive future.  Stop focusing on the mistakes you’ve made and start planning for the future you’ve always imagined.  Stop listening to the voice that says that you can’t and start chanting the battle cry for a better future.  Stop reacting to life and start challenging yourself to push for greater forward progress.  You can’t undo the past, but the present and the future, they are shapeless objects, waiting for your hands to mold them into the life of your choosing.

Eric

From the article:

“Fitness means the ability of the body to tolerate stress in all its forms – Like – A hard day in office. Fighting an infection with a germ invading the body. A skid on the road. Each and every stress to the body, be it small or big needs expenditure of energy and involvement of all the body’s defenses. More oxygen has to be delivered at the muscles, more waste products have to be carried away. All these place extra demand on the circulatory system and strain the capacity of heart. How our body faces any stressful condition depends on our baseline of Fitness. For some of us, even leisure can be stressful. Exercise helps us in keeping fit. It helps in toning up the body for many eventualities. “

I think it’s so important that we see the effects of regular exercise on our lives in the light of the above ideals.  It’s a powerful image when we realize that without pushing ourselves physically, we are in effect, becoming less prepared to deal with the struggles and stresses of the future.  By not maintaining a high level of ‘intentional bodily stress’, we are most certainly setting ourselves up for unnecessary defeats in our pursuits of goals and dreams.  We have enough fighting against us already, so why add to the weight that already presides on our shoulders?

Our daily flu shot.

This idea of forced fatigue goes quite nicely with the analogy of a flu shot.  The point of this viral vaccination is to give the recipient a small dose of the disease.  This amount is not enough to overpower our immune systems, but is just right for providing strength and intelligence to our bodies ability to fend off future fronts.  So when we regularly stress our systems with exercise, we are just raising the bar for our natural defenses.  And just like a flu shot will ware off over time, so too do we need to maintain this healthy habit.

How Do You Deliver Your Dose?

As important as it is to push our bodies, we also need to find ways of doing so that entice us to continue with cooperation.  Without an enjoyment of the endeavor, we will most surely succumb to a future of fitness failure.

I’ll start…

I love the outdoors!  Fresh air and sunlight make my heart sing.  A cool breeze on an autumn afternoon is like strands of silk soaking my every syllable of movement.  Let’s just say I’m not big on Gyms.

My preference for fitness is biking of any kind.  Whether through the mountains of the Blue Ridge or on the roads to who knows where, I passionately enjoy pedaling my way to a healthier me.

When I can’t bike, though, it’s running all the way.  Sometimes it’s just too cold or wet to comfortably ride the roads.  So you could say that running for me is just my exercise plan B.

Other physical activities that I thoroughly enjoy are:

• Hiking along mountain trails (or any dirt/gravel path that offers a nice view).
• Going on long walks with my wife.
• Running around the park with my dogs.
• Playing a pickup game of basketball (my jump shot has about as much accuracy as a drunk marksman, but I enjoy the game just he same).
• Intense yard/house work (during our yearly ‘get rid of crap’ simplifying expedition, I find myself quite worn out by the end of the day).

So what about you?  What do you do to get your blood flowing?

For week2 of Motivate2ACTION! (Exercise) we have a special guest.  He is currently training for a marathon so this subject is particularly fresh on his mind.  So let me hand this over to him as he shares some of his own insight into the great challenges of exercise motivation.

This is a guest post from Leo Babauta of Zen Habits.

My life right now is focused on training for the Honolulu Marathon on Dec. 14, and while my training has been more intense than ever before, I am having a ton of fun.

Yesterday morning I woke up at 2 a.m. to start running at 3 a.m., so that I could complete a 20-mile long run before the brutal Guam sun got too high in the sky. That in itself was quite an accomplishment — and while I’ve come a long way as a runner and fitness enthusiast, it was just a few short years ago that I couldn’t run half a mile.

The Leo Babauta of three years ago would never have believed he could do a 20-mile training run, much less be training to complete his third marathon. Life was too busy, with two jobs and six kids, and such discipline seemed beyond me at the time.

But today, I exercise almost every day of the week (I force myself to rest once a week), and what’s more, I can’t imagine ever doing otherwise. I love it too much. I know that’s not the case with everyone, so I’d like to share some tips that have helped me to motivate myself to exercise:

1. Start small. As I said, I started by trying to run half a mile. That was hard enough for me. If you start out too ambitious (and believe me, I’ve tried it many times), you’ll likely fail. But if you start small and only increase gradually, you can do it. Baby steps.  Start out REALLY easy.

2. Focus on one goal. If you are trying to quit smoking, eat healthy, start running, begin lifting weights, get organized, and so on, all at the same time, you will spread your energies out too much. Trust me –

I’ve done this over and over again. Instead, pick one goal, and focus on that for at least a month. If you want to start running, or walking, or whatever, do just that. The other stuff can come later. And if you do one goal at a time, you’ll be amazed at how many goals you can tackle this way. I tackled all of the goals listed above, and many more, in the last few years with this method.

3. Enjoy yourself. If exercise is a huge pain, you won’t be able to do it for very long. No matter how disciplined you try to be. Instead, have fun. Set little challenges for yourself. Listen to great music.

Have great conversation with a friend. Play games. Have competitions. Join a race. Exercise doesn’t have to be a chore — it can be a blast!

4. Get a partner. While it can be tough to have a partner for every workout, it can be a great motivator to have someone to talk to while you run or do some other workout. And on those days when you would

have skipped the workout by yourself, you’ll make sure to make an appointment if you have a partner to meet.

5. Just start. I like to tell myself that all I have to do is lace up my shoes and get out the door. That’s all. And that isn’t very hard. Once I’ve done that, the rest is easy. But if you let yourself get stalled before you get started, it seems too difficult. Just get out the door.

6. Celebrate your progress. If you keep a log, you can see your progress over time. You have to be patient, because progress doesn’t always come quickly, but if you look back over several weeks or

months, you can see how far you’ve come. And that can be an amazing feeling. Celebrate! Congratulate yourself. Appreciate how wonderful this is.

7. Mix it up. Don’t always do the same thing all the time. Try new workouts you find in magazines or blogs. Try a training plan with a variety of workouts. Set new challenges. Try a new route. Vary your

pace and distance. Do intervals. Do hills. Whatever it takes to shake things up and make things interesting. Boredom is the enemy of motivation.

Above all, have fun out there. A good workout can be a world of joy.

For more from Leo Babauta, check out his blog, Zen Habits

Sponsor Leo and support a great cause!

As you may already know, Leo is working with Train for Humanity to help in “Raising funds for orphans & refugees who have been affected by genocide and civil war.”

Right now he is training for the Honolulu Marathon for his ‘Train for Humanity’ event.  You can support him and this great cause by going to his Sponsor Page and making a donation.  You can also help out by spreading the word and encouraging others to do the same.

Now I want to encourage you to apply some of these great tips as you strive for better health by finding an exercise routine (or not so routine) that works for you.  This week, test out some new ideas and be ready to share the results with us in ‘M2A! Week3′. I look forward to hearing all about it!

If you found this post to be helpful in your exercise pursuits and/or you think others may be able to benefit from Leo’s personal insight, please don’t hesitate to share it using your favorite social media.

By Dr. Bob Rotella

A consulting client of mine, Dr. Bob Rotella, is a Sports Psychologist as well as an author of numerous books.  Golf is his main area of expertise, but his talents range far and wide.  His wife, who also happened to be my 2nd grade teacher , was nice enough to give me some of his books to read.  I’ve started one and have been very impressed by it.  It’s very inspiring and right up my alley.  It’s called “Life Is Not A Game Of Perfect” and it’s a spin off of a previous book he had written called “Golf Is Not A Game Of Perfect”.

The book, so far, is all about how our real talent is not derived from our God given genes so much as our drive, focus and all out determination.  He states that our ‘free will’ is “the most fundamental of real talents”.  He boasts, “Real talent is something anyone can develop.”  This is a view that I hold and try to promote on this blog.  Here is an excerpt from the end of chapter one where he is referring to his view on why today’s society have and/or will fail to take advantage of the opportunities in front of them.  (Preceding this, he has introduced the reader to a friend of his who is a big wig at Merrill Lynch so that is why he refers to the company about half way through the excerpt.)

“I think that’s a reflection of the way our society raises children. Our schools and our families devote enormous attention to cultivating the personal characteristics that we have been told comprise talent. American parents spend lavishly on private schools and tutors and prep courses to improve their children’s scores on an endless series of acronymic intelligence tests, from the first IQ to the last GRE. After school and in the summer they devote copious resources to the things that television tells us are the athletic talents–dunking or dribbling or driving golf balls.
But I know of few if any school programs that teach and develop the characteristics of real talent. If the typical school pays any attention at all to personal strength of character, it wastes its time on superficial efforts to assure that each child has high self-esteem. Regardless of how the children perform, it tells them that they’re great, they’re marvelous, they’re talented. Kids see through this. It does no good.
In the end, our system spews out millions of graduates who become the three out of four who fail to grasp the opportunity they’re afforded by companies like Merrill Lynch. Because ours is a wealthy society, they don’t starve. For the most part, they find niches where mediocrity is tolerated. They go on to have careers of no particular distinction.  They retire with a vague sense of dissatisfaction and bitterness.
I see this as a terrible loss. I know that this society could be unimaginably more productive and a great deal happier if people knew the truth about talent and acted on it.
And I see myself as very fortunate, because I grew up in a home and in a town and at a time in which real talent was appreciated and cultivated.”

These words ring true with me.  How about you?  Do you agree with the idea that our society is too focused on either celebrity status or self-esteem?  Do you think that real talent comes from a determined heart, a never give up attitude?  I don’t know about you, but this is how I see the world around me.  This is at the heart of my drive and the core of this website.  Let me know what you think and why you agree or disagree.

Let’s take a quick look at an unmotivated person.  We see them all the time (maybe when we look in the mirror).  They walk among us, drudging through the monotony of the day.  Their path is laid out FOR them and not BY them.  And the things that keep them going are those little comforts in life that do more damage than good.  Things like too much TV, junk food or any other distraction that keeps them from being every bit of the person they want to be.  And that dulls their desires to the point of numbness.

So who care’s about this thing we call motivation?  MY hand is raised!