Who do you listen to? I don’t mean who do you hear noise from, as we often can’t help but take in audible chatter, but I want you to think about who you actually hear. Are there people in your life, whether it be family, friends or even those in the media, that when they open their mouth, you make sure that your ears are pealed and your mind is focused on their delivery? What is it about these individuals that command your attention? How is it that amongst the white noise of our over zealous society, you are drawn to their words?
What is value?
Let’s start with a simple definition.
Value = Relative worth, merit or importance.
So the value of a dollar is relative to what you can GET with it. The value of a college education is relative to what you can DO with it. Where does this leave an individual’s words? Do we even put a value on a particular person’s thoughts? The fact is, we do it every day without even knowing it.
Every time we ignore someone we reduce the value of their ideas and every time we listen, we increase it. It’s human nature to gravitate our attention toward those we feel are worth the most to us. Having someones attention is equivalent to a dollar bill receiving one dollar’s worth of goods in trade for itself. Remove the receiving end of a thought and you might as well be playing with Monopoly money.
The value of a Tweet.
Twitter is an amazing barometer for value. In a numbers driven society we are taught that more is always better, but Twitter helps clearly debunk this idea and shows us what really matters.
When someone tweets one of my posts, I may receive a bit of traffic as a result. Depending on the tweeter, this traffic may barely hit my radar or it might open the flood gates of traffic and re-tweets (I apologize if you don’t know about Twitter, but all I can say is, “Remove head from sand…now open your eyes and enjoy the 21st century! 
)
You might initially think, “Sure, the tweeter that gave you all the traffic had a bunch of followers.” This is not necessarily the case. I see time and time again, tweeters who may only have a few thousand followers, yet command attention ten times more effectively than one with 50,000. For some reason, this person has become so valuable to their followers that when they speak, EVERYBODY listens. Heck, people go out of their way to make sure they didn’t miss anything. So when I see this occur, I can’ t help but ask myself, “How did this person build their worth to a place of such high value?
It’s NOT by accident!
It’s easy to look at these attention commanders and think that it’s only their celebrity status that commands such a following. It’s convenient for us to blow it off this way so we can get away from the idea that we somehow have control over our own value. But their fame is only the RESULT of their actions. Something they did established this credibility and now they reap the rewards that comes with this power.
Commanding attention opens almost EVERY door.
Whether we’re talking about our job, our family or even our social life, being able to be noticed and absorbed is crucial to our success and well being.
At work it may be that we’re shooting for a particular promotion. If we have gained the respect of our boss and therefore their attention, we have a much greater possibility of getting that prize. But if we just blend in, it may a lost cause. As individuals we want to be heard and understood. If we can’t extend our thoughts to the rest of society in such a way that attention is gained and sustained we start to feel mentally and emotionally isolated.
When I was a kid, my brother who is 6 years older and I, and my mom, would chat away in the car as we drove around town. I always sat in the back, waiting for my opportunity to jump into the conversation. Being much younger and less mature, I had a hard time getting much sustained attention and this led me to begin the bad habit of interrupting and talking SUPER fast. I felt that if I didn’t shoot right through my thoughts, I may lose my audience. The problem was that this tactic left me chasing after attention, instead of commanding it naturally.
Over the years I have learned to speak with more clarity and not rush through my thoughts. I’ve had to re-train myself to assume people are listening, not that they are waiting to flee from my sound waves. What I’ve realized, though, is that it’s not as simple as making that assumption. I’ve had to learn some key communication tactics to attain the attention I desired. It has been through these tidbits of talk tactics that I’ve found my voice and successfully begun to connect with the world around me.
10 Tips To Enhance Your Voice While Maintaining A Respectful Tone
- Speak less often: Just like selling a product, if we flood the market, the value of our goods goes down. Say too much, even if your words are golden, and you will overwhelm your audience and lose their attention.
- Carefully choose your words: Lay down a few too many worthless words and you will drive down their value. By carefully picking the ideas you present to others, you are maximizing the attention they give you.
- Carefully choose your audience: Often times it’s not the words we share, but the people we are spewing them to that makes or breaks the power of our presentation. After you’ve picked your content, make sure you’re audience is ripe for its message.
- Don’t be shy | Confidence is KING: I’m a total introvert so it can be a bit scary to speak to certain types of people. But the fact is, the posture we present when conveying our message will play a big role in how and if it’s absorbed.
- Speak softly: If you are speaking the right words, to the right audience, with the right posture, you should never have to speak loudly. Those around you will naturally focus on your words and do whatever necessary to take it all in. In fact, just like a loud, obnoxious TV commercial, too much volume will inevitably reduce the desire to listen.
- Listen to others: We ALL want to be heard. It is a natural and healthy desire. If you are never listening to those around you, you will find it much harder to be heard. I know for myself, it is more appealing to give attention to someone who gives me the time of day. (Also, we can learn a lot from those around us. Get too caught up in your own message and you will lose out on the wealth of wisdom that exits the minds of others.)
- Help others communicate THEIR message: One of the most powerful presentations comes in the form of sharing the ideas of another. You not only gain their respect, but you take an already formed idea and add your own perspective to enhance its value.
- Speak from experience: Clarity is key when it comes to effective communication. Try and audiblize an experience that has not yet been acquired and you will lose the sharp edge of your message. By speaking from experience we are able to add the exact sights, sounds, smells and feel of the context in question. This enhances your clarity while defining your expertise.
- NEVER embellish: It is quite natural to want to turn up the heat on your words to attract the most attention possible. The problem with this tactic is that you are improperly establishing the expectations of your audience. You may initially receive more listeners, but they will quickly become disappointed as they are made aware of your enhancements.
- Be patient!: Building respect can be a long, uphill battle, but it is ALWAYS worth the trip. Losing it, on the other hand, can be accomplished in an instant. Never go with the desire to rush into your words. You can easily add to a previous statement, but what has already been spoken can never be unsaid.
Final Thoughts
The more I share my voice online, the more evident it becomes that these principles are not only important, but crucial to acquiring an effective tone. I’m finding that gaining respect and building the value of my message is a requirement, not only in the blogging community, but in every day life. We are so often drawn to the powerful voices around us that we can easily neglect to seek that same resonance with our own. Carefully walk your words into the outside world and you will inevitably increase the value of your message and the authority that goes along with it.
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I really enjoyed reading the tips on this post. You have some great suggestions. I especially like your ideas about not saying too much and helping others get their message across. Excellent advice!
Thanks!
http://positivelypresent.typepad.com
Thanks! I’m glad you enjoyed it. Eric
Good post. The points you have made are very valid. Developing credibility and voice leads to self respect and respect from others and that creates the true value of a person.
Sunny Jamiel’s last blog post..18 Truths about Life You Must Know without Having a Heart Attack
Thanks and nice added points! Eric
I have to say, I’m LOVING these long meaty posts of yours Eric. This format works really well for Motivate Thyself. There’s no doubt, it takes a long time (often years) for someone to groom that type of authority. It NEVER happens over night. It’s a compound result of constant effort. Your ten tips certainly cover the bases.
Writer Dad’s last blog post..Rolling Through the Rough Draft
Yeah, I’m much happier writing this way as well. I agree that it’s a much better formula for Motivate Thyself. Eric
Eric,
This is so true. It took me too long to learn it. How did you get so wise so young?
I’m just getting into Twitter and I appreciate the thoughts. Please post more on this!
Tess The Bold Life’s last blog post..Mondays = 1/7 of Your Life
Thanks Tess! I appreciate that you see great wisdom in me. That makes makes two votes!
Eric
Great selection of points, Eric. Thank you. I’ve really enjoyed watching your voice grow in confidence and find its own rhythm over here and in the Blueprint this last couple of months.
I enjoy bloggers with authenticity and integrity and whose voices are unique or connect with my needs. They don’t need to be A-listers. For me it’s quality that counts. I’m currently enjoying blogs where real communication, connection, community and sharing give the posts and comment boxes their tone.
janice’s last blog post..Choose the Right Words and Change your Life
Thanks Janice! I’ve really enjoyed watching both myself and those around me grow over the months that I’ve been blogging. I’m glad you appreciate that and the great wealth of insight and community that’s available in the nooks and crannies of the Internet. Eric
Eric,
I really like your idea of speaking less. It’s so easy to drone on about non-sense when silence would be better.
Roger | A Content Life’s last blog post..Raising Sane Children
Well said! Silence is often preferable to ‘non-sense’ as you put it.
Eric
Excellent, excellent article! It increasingly dawns on me the power of words. Your tips are priceless. We can live by the first two: 1 Speak less often and 2 Carefully choose your words. Thanks for the ideas Eric.
Stephen – Rat Race Trap’s last blog post..The Last Monkey Jumping
Thanks Stephen! You always have such nice things to say about my writing. I really appreciate that.
Eric
Hi Eric,
Confidence is really the key here. Sometimes people try to speak while trying to hide away at the same time and this cause others to lose the respect for them. Nothing can be worse than speaking with no one listening. Command others respect by respecting ourselves and talk with confidence.
Cheers
Vincent
Personal Development Blogger
Vincent’s last blog post..50 Ways To Make Yourself Happy
You’re right about that, Vincent. It’s so easy to try to fake a confident voice, but people see right through that. Eric
Hi Eric,
This was a very insightful post – not too much to say other than that. I especially like the tip of “NEVER embellish”. Too often this gets people into trouble when it comes to their own credibility.
I also agree with Writer Dad who gave props to these longer, meatier posts. I really think they work well for your blog. Keep up the great work!
Jake | Revive Your Life’s last blog post..Home (Garden) Economics – How Gardening can Save You Money
Yeah, it’s so tempting sometimes to stretch the truth when conveying a thought or message, but like you said, that’s nothing trouble in the making. We’ll only end up tripping over our words at some point down the road. Eric
What astute observations and advice. Thank you.
Thanks, Karen, for the kind words. I’m glad you enjoyed the post.
Eric
You write:
“I see time and time again, tweeters who may only have a few thousand followers, yet command attention ten times more effectively than one with 50,000.”
This is a great point. It is this concept that has convinced me that guest blog posting on smaller blogs can indeed be wise.
I also like how you bring to our attention that these celebrities developed the influence they have based on the value they created. It’s not ‘just because they are celebrities.’ It’s because of what they have produced and continue to produce.
That’s a much healthier attitude to have, because it reminds us that we can become whatever we want to become depending on the value we create.
“That’s a much healthier attitude to have, because it reminds us that we can become whatever we want to become depending on the value we create.”
Exactly! Well said. Eric
I like your points about twitter as a measure of value. I guess really it boils down to what do you have to say? If you have nothing to say, or nothing new to add to the conversation even if you get an audience you will not keep it. Add some interest and value and word eventually will spread.
Cody Dream-Life-Coaching’s last blog post..7 reasons you may be failing
Exactly right! By picking our words carefully and staying silent when there’s nothing worth sharing, we’re maintaining a high value voice. Eric
Thanks for the tips, Eric!
If I could add one point, it would be persistence. When people know that you’ll say something worth to hear, they’ll listen. So how do you make them know that? By gradually making an impression that you’re a great speaker – one that smiles on jokes and lovely moments and that remains serious during the rest of the time.
In your company of good friends, you must have had at least one that tells great jokes and one that never manages to make you laugh. So you know who’ll tell the joke of the day and who will just be boring. You know it, because you know what to expect from each one. That’s why when it’s time for jokes, you listen to the joker.
Simply be persistent in building an image of a worthy to listen speaker.
Thanks once again for the great article, it really made me think in which areas of my communication skills I should practice more.
Dimitar Nikolov’s last blog post..Internet Is A Productivity Killer
Well said Dimitar! You’re so right with that joker/boring analogy. It’ true that we really are responsible for building up our reputation and determining how, why and when people listen to us. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Eric
I believe that being heard has a lot to do with how you say what you say and where and when you say it. It’s fascinating to hear the same things said about online communication as about in-person conversations and the concept “noisy” being applied to social media. However, it’s true and the metaphor of being heard and also listening to others applies because we are all people communicating with people even if we can’t actually listen to another with our ears. The same rules apply. Thanks for reminding us of that.
Hey Kate, great points! Timing and tone are everything, no doubt about it!
Thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts. Eric
That is a funny story about your brother and mom. I had the same experience growing up. My brother is five years older than I and at around 10 I suddenly had the urge to participate in “grown up” conversations when we would be out and about with our mother. At times I felt shut out, but I realize now that my need to feel included overrode my desire to provide value.
I had a discussion with my wife recently about people providing ‘expert’ advice and how, often, it is difficult to understand why they are an expert. In my own endeavors to provide services to others I told her that I wanted to make sure that I didn’t over promise and then underwhelm them with mediocrity. But instead, be honest with my credentials and experience and then give them more than they ever expected.
Bakari’s last blog post..Try and Relax….
Yeah, I just wanted to be included too. As long as I could tag along!
Great point at the end of your comment! We often get so caught up in trying to WOW others with our own sales pitch that we risk underwhelming everyone and losing our value.
Thanks for sharing that wisdom. Eric
I enjoyed what you had to say about this issue. I always find that whenever I can express myself freely & when it feels like people are listening to me, it is all about the audience. It is when I feel ignored or shut out, I find that I am with the wrong audience.
My biggest pet peeve is when I’m around a group of people who all want to talk, be the lone voice, & swear their advice is the only one that counts while everyone fails to listen to everyone else in the group. I don’t know if it’s because of the machismo, but I always see this same situation pop up whenever males from Mexicali, Mexico are talking to each other.
Hi Eric! I like the fact that you listed Speak Less and Listen to Others. Here is something that caught my eyes this week :
~Looking at your eyes, I can tell weather there is peace in your heart or not. We see people radiating joy, and in their eyes, you can see purity. If we want our minds to have silence, keep a silence of the eyes. Use your two eyes to help you pray better. ~ Starting with Silence, Mother Teresa.
Cheers
Sheila
The well written summary assited me very much! Bookmarked your website, very excellent categories everywhere that I see here! I really appreciate the info, thanks.
Actually I have this problem , even people who I don’t give them a damn don’t listen to me , I have to struggle to tell my ideas n … , Today I was thinking I would be a good Idea to google about my problem to see if there is any problem with my confidence or personality … n urs is the first page , I am gonna try what u have written , hope they will help me …. I don’t even talk to my bf , he always complain why i dont talk to him , n I say cuz u dont listen … It is a serious pain … thanks for ur good advice
all the best