Believe it or not, no one knows you better than you. You’ve been in your skin since you were born, you’ve felt every feeling, seen every sight, experienced every failure and enjoyed every success. You know who you are and what you’re capable of. You’ve seen what works for you and what doesn’t. You sense things about yourself that no one else could possibly feel or understand. And you also know your limits. The things that you can’t do and those things that you won’t do. This is the knowledge and understanding that is needed to truly know what’s best for you.
If this is all true than why do we tend to seek other people’s opinions when it comes to deciding our future? I would guess things like assurance, acceptance, guidance, etc… But there is a danger in this. By doing this we run the risk of living our lives the way that works best for someone else. The fact of the matter is that other people’s opinions are tainted by their own vision and understanding of life. What might be best for them my not be best for you. So their advise, though possibly wise and well intentioned, is being formed by the wrong perception. They are unaware of too many variables to be able to come to the accurate conclusion that only you are capable of.
Let me give an example of this. 5 years ago I started my technology consulting business. Before that time I was jumping from job to job. I was unhappy and unsatisfied and knew that I couldn’t sustain that kind of life much longer. I knew something had to change. One day the door just opened to the opportunity of having my own business and doing something I enjoy. There were risks involved but what in life, that’s worth anything, doesn’t involve some form of risk? But in the process I felt the need to ask other people’s opinions. I felt that I needed assurance and approval. Surprisingly, to me, many were apposed and felt that I was making big mistake. The idea of working my way “up the ladder” was more popular amongst the opinions than pursuing something that would take my life to a whole new level. People even went as far as to gossip about how quickly my business would fail. Not only were these people unaware of my capabilities but, more importantly, they were unaware of my drive and determination to succeed. If I had listened to the popular opinion at the time I would still be doing some kind of job that I was unhappy with and tied down to. 5 years later I am a MUCH happier person. One that is living his life according to the guidance of his own heart and not the “advise” of others.
If you were to ask some of the most successful entrepreneurs whether or not others supported their pursuits in the beginning, I have a feeling many of them would look at you and laugh. Most people don’t achieve “Great Things” in their life. The average person is “Average” for a reason. And for most, this is just fine. It’s more comfortable and easy to manage. To the average person, seeing your vision of your own future is impossible. So they will, of course, try to turn you from something that they don’t even recognize to something that makes sense to them; living an average life.
So my advise to all those who seek great things in life is this. Take other people’s opinions with a grain of salt. They may have more life experience than you but they will never have more of your life experience than you. Trust your instincts and never let anyone stop you from doing what YOU feel is best for YOU. This may sound selfish to some but if you are living your life by any other standards than your own, you will be doing a disservice to all.
If we’re worried about what others think, then we’re allowing them to script our lives.
@Writer Dad: Nicely put.
Eric,
You know why people seek advices? You said it yourself — to seek approval and assurance. Now, why do they need it?
Because they are not sure of themselves.
It doesn’t matter that they know themselves better than anyone else. To most people, self is not trustworthy. As you discovered yourself, seeking advices and approval from those who are not “in the know” is counter-productive. I don’t go to my mother (who is a missionary) to ask for advice on my business endeavors. She doesn’t know anything about owning and running a business. But yet, the temptation is great, because I am used to seeking approval from mom. Many people are.
If you have a healthy respect for yourself, you’ll naturally start to take other people’s opinions with a grain of salt. You simply stop being dependent on them.
How do you get to that stage? Well — that’s a whole another blog post.
ari
Good to see you over here ari. There’s no doubt that you self image plays a big role in self trust and therefore how much you will seek out other people’s approval. Being insecure results in seeking security in others. But I think this all goes without saying. The important point to recognize here is the danger of letting yourself be guided by opinions that are based on much less information about yourself than your own. You then see all these people living their lives based on other people’s views and not their own.